Is she keen? What to do now?

[Fruit]

Hi people, I'm hoping to get some thoughts/advice on this scenario:

Around late October last year I went to play some pool with my friends. One of my friends, Simon, brought a girl along called Leanne. There was a group of us and we had a good time, naturally I chatted to Leanne a bit and discovered amazingly that we'd both lived in the same small town in the UK (we now live in NZ). I never heard anything or saw her after that, and I didn't think anything of it.

Fast forward to early Feb, and I get a friend request from her on facebook. Nothing unusual there as we've met and have friends in common, I accepted. A few days later (on a friday evening) she messages me for the first time.

She asks me to come out into town with her to drink, bearing in mind our only mutual friend Simon, is away on holiday at this time. A bit odd, and even though she admitted she was a little bit drunk at this time, I couldn't help but get the instinctive impression she was keen on me. There's just something about the way she said things, like trying to sell their idea to you without coming off as weird etc, it's hard to explain. I was staying at my parents at the time which is a bit of a drive out, so she offered for me to crash at hers (her idea) so that I didn't have to drive back. I decided not to go at the point when she said it was her one of her guy mates we'd be with. It was late too by this time.

I was though, keen to see her, at least to see what it's like hanging out with her, I mean why not? I also went away for a few days after this, but during this time she would occasionally double message me. She tried quite hard to get us to hang out, but I was keen so made it easier for her.

Finally on a rainy friday evening I picked her up and we went for a coffee. She was quite cool, and we both really enjoyed chatting. Then on the way back she springs it on me that she had only just broken up with Simon's brother one month ago, who has just moved to another country. I had no idea they even knew each other or whatever, I've never thought about it, I've only met Simon's brother once briefly.

A week after that we planned to hang out again, she picked me up and we went and got food and had a nice walk around the city centre. I genuinely had a good time and so did she, she mentioned a few times what we can/will do next time. When she dropped me off I honestly didn't know what to think...was this a date? What does she think? I should've asked, after all, the reason we're hanging out in the first place is because of her. We're currently now in the middle of a 2 week period where I won't be seeing her/having nothing planned because she is busy with friends and family, she also works a lot.

I spoke to some other close friends about it (unrelated) and they think they were both dates. I have no idea. Though in the past with girls when it is clearly a date, on the second date I always go for the kiss and it has never failed. But I didn't go for it this time, partly because I wasn't 100% sure what this was, but also because I didn't want to lose momentum over the next few weeks when we won't be seeing each other. This second hang out was a week ago, we haven't spoken yet since but that is fine.

I just want to know what people think...is she keen on me? Were we on a date? I'm keen to take the initiative and try to organise the next time we see each other, as she put a fair bit of effort into the last two times. Thanks a lot for reading, sorry this was so long!

[Hooo!]

so this girl goes out of the way to spend some time with you. repeatedly
you have a good time together, repeatedly.
She gets you to your front door.
then she tell you she is available

your not sure if she is interested.

i did summarize this correctly didnt I?

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! Yeah, I'm leaning towards she probably likes you as well. I think Hooo illustrates it pretty well. ....But I have to readily admit that I'm clueless about this sort of thing too. I think I'd be wondering the same thing if I were you.... which for me is more so because I'm so thoroughly convinced in my own mind that nobody could ever like me in that way that I wouldn't even be entertaining the possibility that it COULD be that. LOL! I'm quite the mess, but I guess I'm okay.

As it is, though, this sounds pretty clear to me like she does have an interest in you, and not just as friends. I mean, sure, it could just be that she is super friendly. Some people are like that. So, I think why not just ask her out on an actual date, and make it completely clear that is what you mean? Then you could gauge based on her reaction what she has in mind. That, or, heck... maybe even just ask her. Just kind of like "Hey, I'm kinda embarrassed even to ask, but was that a date or not? Because I'd like to take you out on an actual date, but I didn't want to be presumptuous and just assume that's what we were doing."

I probably didn't word that well, so if you do go that route, maybe put that into normal human words. LOL! Good luck to you.

[Fruit]

Ok very true! But where should I go from here?

[Hooo!]

Ok very true! But where should I go from here?

third base?

[Fruit]

third base?

I've no doubt she'd happily hang out again when I ask her. But should I suggest something like dinner? That really would confirm it's a date, or something similar again to the other times?

[Hooo!]

i personally dont date so i cant help you there
i think dating is the worst idea ever.
i date my girlfriend from time to time
but people i never had sex with? nah...

i personally would invite her to cooking at my place
or netflix and chill

[melancholia]

You're overthinking this to the extreme, [MENTION=83685]Fruit[/MENTION]! If you want to see her again, ask her. If you want to invite her to dinner, do that. Stop trying so hard to figure out exactly what it is, go with the flow and let it develop naturally. It sounds like she is interested in you and wants to feel things out before diving head first into something. Take your time and just enjoy spending time with her. Stop putting pressure on yourself to know exactly what everything means, because chances are she's enjoying herself and not thinking about what it all means, or where you'll end up. If you find yourself wanting a relationship down the line, then bring it up to her; but until then, go with the flow, let go a bit, and have some fun.

[pcmaster]

Stop acting like vegetable, Fruit. You can do this ! She giving you a chance. Do nice things together, be good to her and most umportant do everything you want, dont hold back. She seems like type of girl who makes guys fantazies come true.
Hoo have a point - movies together and your own cooked food together. This type of time I spend with my first girl. Had a lot of sexy time in her bed watching movies and sleeping together - 18 hours total.

One of my work buddies beat my record - he never dated or met a girl but went to her house had sex and stayed for 5 years. Before that he was chatting with her for a year.

Anyway its nice to date girl in public places but time spend at home on sofa or bed is the real dessert.

[Hooo!]

please never movie date
it creates no kino no attratcion or seduction and the connection it creats is rather limited.

if you go to the movies then watch something like 50 shades of grey to at least get her horny or anything.
You could also go watch a horror movie if you are the type and she can cuddle to you whilst you are the strong protector male. That would probably work.
besides that, movie dates achieve nothing. You can skip all that and just move forward to dinner at your/her place.

[melancholia]

50 shades??? The absolute worst movie and novel series of all time? It's literally a movie about an abusive relationship. Not sexy at all. Not everyone is into exactly the same thing and you need to be careful not to make blanket statements about women, or anyone else for that matter.

[Hooo!]

50 shades??? The absolute worst movie and novel series of all time? It's literally a movie about an abusive relationship. Not sexy at all. Not everyone is into exactly the same thing and you need to be careful not to make blanket statements about women, or anyone else for that matter.

i havent read it and i am even agreeing with you. It is not what I would like or want in any relationship.
If i were to go to a movie date however Id still consider it for sexual content and space of mind.
The other possibility on how to make a movie date bearable would be horror movies (which i absolutely hate) so thats out of the question too.
Everything else would probably be a waste of time (considerer as to how much your advances are going forward).


My point being is that dates are made to achieve something. Depending on the person who is dating and the person who "gets dated". One thing could be just to sleep with the girl in question, to get her into a specific mood or to portrait yourself in a specific (seductive, protective...) way, another vould be just to get to know her still another could be to have a very nice time connecting with a person you care for (your mother or your wife for example) and yet another could be to build and strengthen a relationship (to whomever).
Movies are for getting yourself entertained and enjoying your time. Which is nice. However it achieves nothing of the things (see above) a good date should (apart from having a somewhat nice time out. However this can be achieved better with other means).

[Fruit]

Thanks for the replies everybody, really appreciate it. I've contacted her and I'm seeing her again this coming monday evening. Haven't got any official plans for the evening yet though! Seems like she doesn't mind.

[Hooo!]

no official plans

[Fruit]

So now I have a small problem in that I'm picking her up on monday evening but we haven't actually got anything planned. I need to come up with something quickly. The weather is supposed to be bad, should I invite her over to mine?