My girlfriend is sending me some wierd signals

[Jhizzzosh]

Sorry this is so long, but i felt like the whole story was neccesary to understand whats going on.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for only a little over a month . We started datin on February 24th. Which was maybe even a little soon since we only really started talking about two weeks before that. But we connected really well and she seemed perfect.

The first three weeks of our relationship were perfect. i was possibly the happiest i have ever been. I felt good all the time, i never worried about what she was doing and didnt feel like i had to see her all the time. There was just such a strong connection there. I have never gotten close to someone so fast. She made the comment one day that she felt like we had been together for a year. and i agree with her, it feels like i have known her forever. Out of all my relationships ive had, i have never been so close to a girl. My longest ones have been 7 and 4 monthers.

Then on spring break after only dating about 3 weeks we went down to texas to visit a friend of mine. which may have been a bad idea. It started off bad, i drove and she didnt like the way i drover her car and we were a little pissy with eachother the end of the road trip. But not a big deal right? I apologized and everything was good, then lots of things went wrong in texas. We were supposed to stay in my friends apartment in the living room sleeping on an air matress. Well turns out he forgot to mention that someone was living on his couch (a highschool buddy looking for a place). so the first night we had to sleep on a air matress next to his bed, and she was mad cause we couldnt have sex. For the rest of the week we stayed at my friends moms house in her spare bedroom, which was only down the street from my friends apartment. We had good days, and bad days. But half the time i felt like she just didnt want to be around me. especially in the mornings.

the last day was the worst we were both frustrated with eachother. On the way back home we talked the Whole way home and when we got home everything seemed like it was the way it had always been before. She seemed happy and she was kissing me romantically again and smiling all the time. that night when we got home we were talking and she told me she just felt aggrivated at me all week but didnt know what i did to deserve it. she also told me that if things hadn't got better she would have probably dumped me when we got back home. that kinda hurt my feelings but i kept it in. But it seemed everything was back to normal. This lasted for only two days and then she seemed a little distant for 2 days following that. LIke she was there and she wasnt acting like she was mad. But she jsut wasn't as affectionate towards me as usual and didnt say much or smile. The next day was our one month aniversery and i bought her flowers and a card and took her out to dinner.

She loved it and everything seemed Prefect all evening and the next day as well. That was wednesday and thursday after spring break the 24th and 25th. Then thursday i went over to her dorm room after she got off work and she weemed happy when i picked her up. But then after a while, she seemed like something was wrong. So i asked her. turns out she started her period that day and didnt feel good. so that evening was akward but i blew it off as her not feeling well.

Then friday night everything was ... ok..

there was just some tension and distance between us it felt like. She didnt smile really and didnt Kiss me kiss me if you know what i mean. so i thought well its just her period still and blew it off. That night we went back to her place and we watched a movie and everything seemed fine. Just still different. And so i kinda brought it up at the end of the evening. I told her i noticed how she would not kiss me passionatly lately ( the alst sunday, monday, thursday and friday). And how when i was around her i felt like there was a wall between us and i couldnt tell what happened. I had noticed her texts didn have the same excitment in them. They were just.. nothing special you know except for one here and there. Nothing bad you know but i had my texts from the alst 3 weeks still and i compared them. And there was deffinetaly a differnece. I aslo asked if she was still happy with me.

her response was Yes she was still happy and asked if i was. And i told her yes, but just that i was worried about her. She also got very aggrivated with me for brining it up. she told me how i was just focusing on the bad things and that if i kept doing that i was going to eventually make things bad. so i backed off and worried aobut it, could barely get a wink of sleep that night. i was expecting her to comfort me and tell me everything was fine.

So the next morning we text messaged a little bit but i tried to let her be, her plans were to hang out with her friend that night. which is unlike her, ever since we have been dating all she wants to do is be around me. i know we don't have to hang out every day but it just added to it. I didnt care but when stuff seemed like it was getting rough she didnt wanna be around me.

well later that day i found out she wasnt going with her friend anymore. her friend cancelled so i asked if she wanted me to come over and hang out with her. her response was... well... idk.. you can if you want. so this added to the frustration. so i was like well if you don't want me to i wont. And she convinced me to come kinda. saying no its okay come over. so i did and everything was okay. she seemed distant. but after a couple hours it was frustrating me and she could tell so she cuddled with me on her own. But she didnt seem happy being around me all evening. everything was so different than usual. Even worst that earlier that week.

So Finally sunday she came over and brough these chocolate chip muffins she baked. I Started by knocking them onto the floor on accident. tha made her mad i could tell. But i appoligized and she said it was okay not a big deal. But i oculd tell she was mad. All night we barely spoke and she wouldnt touch me.

My first thought was maybe her period still has something to do with it. But She told me she started her birth control again that day. So i asked her if she was okay later. and she said fine, i am sure she could see by my expression i was hurting. I told her i just wanted to make sure she was okay and that i was worried about her. She left and gave me a kiss and hug. so at the same time im worring about how bad things are she does something small like that to give me hope.

So monday (yesterday) i gave her space. i text her in the morning and just said good morning. her response was good morning with a smily face. This made me feel better. But i was deteremined to let her be and give her space hoping it would pass. she text me several times that day on her own so i was feeling pretty good about it. She was going to go to the gym when she got off work last night. Well i hung out with an old buddie all day and she called the minute she got off work and seemed happy and said what are you doing. i told her i was still with mike and she seemed dissapointed. So she said well i wasnt going to the gym cause they were packed but im going to try the other one.

So once we got off the phone i asked if she called cause sehe wanted to hang out and she said yes. So she told me she would call me back after she left the gym. She did and invited me over and everything seemed fine. She kissed me on her own for the first time since the following wednesday and wanted to cuddle all evening. So i thought good we are back to normal. Then today i let her text me again and we went to lunch together. again she seemed distant and not happy. BUT , Not as distant as before.

What should i do? Just continue backing off. Should i worry or not worry. What should i expect what should i think.


She was kinda mad we couldn't don anything intament in texas, and since we have gotten back and we can now. She still hasn't.... so.. idk what to think

And what does it mean that she has acted like this?

I know we havent been together long but i feel closer to her than any other girl ive ever been with. The feelings i have for her are ones i have not felt for anyone before. I jsut want us to go back being happy again.

[jadelil25]

Ok. You need to calm down, breathe and relax. You are over analyzing every little thing and this is taking the fun out it all. Dating is meant to be fun, it is meant to be an experience and is about getting to know the other person more.

You have only been together a month and you have done so much and I think this has put a lot of pressure on things and taking the fun out of it all. You are taking things way to fast and need to slow down and get the connection back.

It is clear that you have been spending a lot of time together and message and call each other a lot. This needs to stop, you need to slow things down.

It is good that you had the connection but if you carry on like this you will loose it and loose her and what she is saying is right. You are focusing on the bad things too much, you need to stop this and focus on the good points, the fun things that you have done and enjoyed!

From what you have said it sounds like she likes you a lot and cares about you but she is need of some space so she can have time with her friends and do the things that she wants but she has not said anything because she feels that she will upset you if she does.

When you are one month in a relationship seeing each other once or twice a week is plenty and one message or call every other day or a couple of times a week is also enough. The reason she does not sound so excited is because you have lost that appeal. You need to have a chance to miss each other, to do your own thing and think out side of the relationship.

If you carry on like you are you will end up pushing her away, you are coming across as too clingy and needy.

So back off, call or message once every other day or a few times a week, only see each other once or twice a week and bring back the excitment and it will all be fine. Also focus on the positives, she clearly likes you and wants to be with you.

I hope this helps!

[Jhizzzosh]

thanks, but she messages me all day if i don't message her first. It doesnt seem like she doesnt wannan talk to me. And the alst two days she has invited me over. Being Monday and tuesday. Monday i went over and everything seemed fine. But last night it was the same old stuff. And it pissed me off taht she invited me over nd then ignores me so when she could tell i was mad then she wanted to be all cuddly with me? WOmen are weird.

[mafj99]

I would not worry, you seem to be in the same situation as what I am with my GF and I have been with her for two years.

We used to see each other all the time, virtually every night then for a few months she came to stay with me just until she found a new flat. Texted all the time as well, spoke on the phone all the time, etc. etc.

When she moved out we used to just hang out all the time but then she started seeming distant. Things hit a all time low a few weeks ago and it looked like things were ending. I kept asking her if she was ok, and basically fussing all the time.

My advice to you, listen to jadelil25. Step back, relax. One thing I learnt was worrying all the time will make you seem different to her as well. If you keep fussing all the time she will most likely feel uncomfortable and you will more than likely make things worse.

Since I have become more relaxed and taken a step back things are starting to get back on track and I a realising everything not as bad as you feel.

What are you doing when you see each other, are you just going round and hanging out or are you actually "going out on dates"? Strange as it sounds, after a long hard talk with my GF she was getting bored of just after a short time (yes 2 years is short it would seem) of just hanging out all the time and not doing anything. (This also lead to the decline in our sex life).

Try surprising her by taking her out somewhere, something different. She does seem to care for you very much, just things aren't sitting right.

S

[Jhizzzosh]

thanks, so how are you and your girlfriend now? I havnt text her all day and she keeps randomly texting me so that might be a good sign? I think im going to tell her i got homework to do tonight (which is true) but instead of doing it late as **** as usual i am just giong to stay in and stay away for a while.

And ya, your right lately we have been staying in. I mean we go out and get food together nearly daily. But not really like a date.YOu know. She has not kissed me passionatly since last Wednesday.

I am super attatched to this girl. So i am just going to try to be normal and not worry about it. Ill let you know how it goes

[mafj99]

Things have started to sort themselves out with her. Similar to you since I stopped texting her all the time I now often get random messages off her which is always a nice surprise.

Having a night away, when you are doing something else can also help. I was gong to see my GF Monday but she told me that she was going to be staying in so I made other plans. She called later on asked what I was doing so I told her that since she said that she wasn't free anymore I had made plans to go and see a friend. She was annoyed at me at first but then Tuesday I decided to suprise her and take her out for the night and we had a fantastic time, back to how things were.

What I have realised is that we got into a rut where all we did was just see each other, not actually DO anything. Then of course things spiral downwards and she was getting bored and became distant. I then like you started to worry as I never heard form her and she didn't respond to me.

Ironically stepping back and being a lot more relaxed has brought her closer to me and I have started to make more of an effort as well as we are back to dating again which is very nice.

I wish you well, just try and stay relaxed. If she is acting weird and distant give her some space.

S

[Jhizzzosh]

An update on my situation

She just left my house, everything seemed fine, i tried to bemyself. She laughed and we were pretty close.

she left saying she was tired. She told me she would call me later though. I hope thats good.

[lahnnabell]

Your girl sounds like a rapid-cycling bipolar person. She's up and down every other day and she seemingly doesn't understand why she feels this way. The rapid change in high's and low's in a person's attitude without reasonable explanation is usual a good indicator.

Research bipolar depression. You will probably find some of the answers you need.

[Jhizzzosh]

shes no bipolar

But why did she go from wanting to do sexual things to not at all

[lahnnabell]

Dude, you said you've been dating her for a little over a month. This is not adequate time to get to know someone inside and out. Just because she possibly isn't diagnosed with bipolar disorder doesn't mean she doesn't have it.

People who cycle rapidly (like she is doing) will go through mania (the highs) where they feel good. Getting into a new relationship will cause that. However, and it could be something small, when a bipolar person hits a snag, like planning to have sex with her boyfriend and not having those plans work out, it could send them into a depressive state.

It seems trivial, yes, but those with bipolar have a chemical imbalance that doesn't allow them to regulate their own moods and emotions and anxieties. So to the bipolar person, the trivial becomes far more drastic. People who are depressed generally withdraw from sex and being intimate. There is no sex drive when you are depressed.

I dated a bipolar guy in college. Things were awesome for a while and then suddenly he would start getting angry and upset at things that I would call small. Once I asked if he came after we'd had sex and it was like I'd flicked a light switch. He got up, and stormed out of the room. Wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't look at me. I was so confused and upset. After a LONG while I managed to coax him out of it and reassure him that I wasn't asking out of anger or frustration. I was just curious if I needed to give him a blow job!

Now that I work with a student who battles with being bipolar, I understand it much more now. I'm not saying you need to throw your girl into therapy, but I think if you read up on bipolar disorder you'll understand better.

[Jhizzzosh]

okay well, what about this

THursday night i talked to her about what was going on. I told her how i felt about her and why i was worring all week. That if i was acting strangly to her that was why. i tired asking her what was happeneing, she said she didnt know.

She just told me it was different around me. And i asked how and she said she didnt know. So i asked if she still liked me? her response was yes. I asked if She still wanted to be with me and she said yes. i asked if she had been considering dumping me or wanted to and she said no. She said everything was fine, it was just different being around me. and she didtn know why.

She did mention that it seemed like we always ahd to be together, but before she got like this, she was the one that ALWAYS had to be with me. its okay i loved it.

So last night (Friday night) we didnt hang out. I made up an excuse and hung out with a buddie for a while then called it a night early.

I am guessing she assumed i was at home and she called me alter and i was at the HOooka bar with my bud. So i told her that i met mike up here and ill call her when i leavve. She seemed anooyed and said ok.

So i called her when i left and she was on the verge of sleep. and we talked about a minute and i said okay ill let you go so you can get some sleep. and she said okay ill talk to you tomorrow. if she said bye i missed it and she hung up.

??? makes me think she is mad. I made plans with her tonight to take her to dinner and then to mini golf, we will see how that goes.

But this morning i didnt text her all morning, it is the first time we havnt talked before noon sincen we have been dating.

i finaly gave in and text her, and she text me back but..

idk.. i am nervous, and i don't know why. i have never been like this before.

[lahnnabell]

You haven't mentioned that she's going through any big personal issues that might be making her depressed. I'm sure you would've included that information in your post. No one can fault you for your support and devotion to the relationship. And now you're giving her space to breathe (which everyone needs). You've taken some really good steps in trying to help your relationship along.

The reason I say she must be undiagnosed is because she says she feels "different" and she doesn't understand where it's coming from. She has said she feels different around you, but I'm having a hard time believing that the other areas in her life aren't affected by her behavior. OR, perhaps she is diagnosed and is afraid that if she tells you what's up with her that you'll bail.

Bipolar is very hard to understand and difficult to diagnose. The student I work with is constantly misunderstood. When he stresses, many of the other teachers clash with him. They think that he should be able to control his anxiety and mood changes. He cannot do this because of his disorder. I do my best to provide him with academic and situational support.

I think that you need to be supportive. It may not be a great idea to bring up her possibly being depressed or bipolar. I guarantee you that she won't respond well to it. Remember that she's clearly dealing with something and she doesn't understand it. Be comforting, encourage her to share her feelings with you. I've had some boyfriends be very lax in the emotional support area, and yet they expected me to carry them through their sh**. Be there for her, let her know that you're thinking of her randomly. Don't drop everything all the time for her, but keep working on this healthy balance. You're doing great so far.

[Jhizzzosh]

well.. last night we hung out after not seein eachother for a few days. Her texts improved so i was hoping it was working. But she was being he same old self. distant doesnt wanna be touched. I am so sick of this shit

She ended up fallin asleep and i looked through her phone. Turns out she text her ex all day yesterday. And talkd to him on the phone twice. So i got pissed and left.

i dont know what to do now.

[lahnnabell]

Ohhh... well, that explains a lot. I'm sorry, hun. Looks like the next step is calling her out. There isn't really any explaining she needs to do. Even if she wasn't physically cheating, she was emotionally cheating, and depriving you of the commitment that you've worked so hard to give the relationship.

It sucks, but I think you know what you need to do now. Good luck

[Junket]

I say this girl is crazy.

The end.