Please read this - I am in pieces and have been for months. Really need some advice.

[Johnjunior]

Hello everyone,

Thank you for reading this. My girlfriend broke up with me nearly 3 months ago, and since then my life has been an absolutely rollercoaster. It is probably one of the most complicated breakups ever... but i have been left feeling absolutely broken. There is no other word to describe how i feel, other than literally broken.

I met my ex when i started my new job nearly 2 and 1/2 years ago. Within a month of being at the job we were "seeing eachother". It was a whirlwind romance. We eventually got together officially as we knew it was time to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Obviously the relationship wasn't perfect, but we did love eachother. I was very, very close with her family and to this day i know they all love and miss me (apart from my ex). I was always there for her... i was never a pushover but she has even told me that when it came to respect and talking to her about her problems i was the most respectful person she had ever met. We were passionate too... lots of sex and to this day my attraction for her is unreal. I know she feels the same but please do read on... When you work with someone that your in a relationship, it is very full on. We would often stay at eachothers houses, and drive into work together etc. We had a few romantic holidays, one of them being a trip to a special place which to this day we both love the memory of.

When i met my ex i was very fit and healthy, great physique and looked after myself. As i had never worked full time before i never really had much money (until i started this job)... my life went from being dull and boring to being a full time worker, gorgeous girlfriend and having money to do what i wanted, when i wanted... I of course let myself go. I was so happy with things and my life that i put on around 3 or 4 stone... I KNOW this is bad. I stopped loving myself, i became slobby and over weight... and i could tell that this would reflect on the way that i acted. I didnt want to do much, just sit in with my ex and watch TV / relax... when she isnt that kind of girl. She is an out going / partying person with great ambitions. I could slowly feel the relationship slipping, and even my mum told me that if i didnt sort myself out she would leave me. I felt that we were soo in love, that this day would never come...

Well it did...

Around 3 months ago i received a text apoligisng saying that she couldnt do this anymore... At first i agreed (thinking it was a joke / a weird phase)... but as a week passed i realised she was not joking... So i paniced. I met her and she told me that she's sorry, and maybe further down the line we could get back together. She told me that she loved me, but it was time to end as she really couldnt do it anymore. Obviously i cried... i didnt beg... but i knew this time was different.

Again another week went by... Remember i see her at work (she works on a different floor, so i dont have to deal with her everyday, directly... but i still pass her in the hallways often / on lunch breaks as it is a small office). I didnt act down or soppy, and i signed straight back up to the gym. Another week passed and i was leaving work on a friday and she was standing outside. I approached her and asked if she was ok... I could immediately tell that she felt awkward, and couldnt look me in the eyes... I felt sick. I went to the gym and received a text from her saying "you are doing really well, keep it up etc your going to be fine"... i KNEW at this point that there was someone else... I text her and acted desperate "please tell me out of respect if there is someone else"... she replied "yes, sorry i am TALKING to someone". I felt absolutely gutted. When i say i loved this girl... I really thought i was going to marry her. If you knew the experiences i shared with her family and her friends, and the fact we worked together, spent soo much time together... i felt betrayed/sick. On the sunday of this weekend i looked on her facebook profile and noticed a picture... and on the comments i noticed that she had a comment about "reading a menu"... I knew immediately she had been on a date with the guy... I clicked like on the comment (immaturely) to shortly receive a message from her. I scowled through her pictures and realised that there was a guy that had been liking all of then... i clicked on his profile and noticed that my ex had been doing the same. He is very different to me... i would say (and have been told) that i am better looking... but no doubt this guy is handsome and definately has "something about him"... That sunday night my ex ended up coming to my house to meet me.... I broke down and cried and told her i missed her and loved her. I realised i let myself go and promised that i would change. She told me that "One month apart, of seriously trying to be apart and then we will decide if we can get back together". I agreed (as this is all i could do). We then took a drive in my car and i guess we forgot everything that happened... we were laughing, joking and she even told me she loved me. She then came back to my house and we got into bed together and kissed and cuddled... We would have had sex but she was on her period. She left that night and i knew it was time to give her space.

The next day at work i was feeling down and miserable... i saw her and spoke to her... i ended up spilling beans and stated "why are we doing this? I cant loose you please lets just give it another go" - she told me "she cant do this right now"... she looked upset but then text me and told me i HAVE TO MOVE ON, it was over and i need to move on. At this point i decided it was time to move on... I cut myself off, went back into the gym and worked hard. ALso started talkign to a few other girls.

A week passed with no contact and somehow we ended up meeting on a friiday night... she ended up staying over and we had sex (multiple times)... it felt amazing.

Again the next week... we met during the week... had sex again (multiple times)... great again.

This happened a few times until around the middle of month 2 where i decided... "im going for it"... I told her that i was going to take her out. I got an expensive bunch of roses sent to work that day, which she loved... and that night i took her out into town and spent an absolute fortune. It was an amazing night... We were waiting for the train home when i noticed on her neck a lovebite... (from the guy she has been seeing)... i immedaitely felt sick and that i was going to have a heart attack. She tried to comfort me but i couldnt stop shaking... i eventually calmed down and told her that if we got back together i would forget it... we then went back to mine and slept together again... She told me she needed some time to think, and that she would let me know... the next day at work i text her before lunch and she acted off. I knew at this point that she had YET AGAIN gone cold. I went to see her and found her and she told me she couldnt get back with me and that she was sorryy... this is LESS THAN 12 HOURS AFTER OUR NIGHT TOGETHER.

I felt absolutely BROKEN. i Had to leave work early, i was in pieces. At this point i KNEW it was over... 2 weeks went past with no contact. I went on holiday took some time away and then came back. I took a new job interview and got the job (i didnt take it in the end but please read on). So i came back into work on the friday... i was tanned, by this time i'd lost 3 stone in weight and to be honest i was looking good... I decided to text my ex and ask her to meet me. We met on friday night after work... this had been the most distance we had ever had... 2 weeks of no contact... We spoke on a good mature level... she told me she missed me, she had been dreaming about me alot recently, having thoughts about our holidays together, waking up in bad moods that she couldnt shake off because in her dreams i hated her, she had been having thoughts of laying in my bed cuddling me etc and that she missed me. I played it cool... i told her we had unfinished business and that we needed to have some time apart... she agreed and she told me that she was still seeing this guy, and needed to see if she could get serious with him... she told me things like he treated her really well... they had spent alot of time together and she really did like him... obviously i felt sick to my stomach hearing this, but i played it cool... we ended up back at mine (again) and sleeping together again (multiple times). In the morning same thing happened... she felt guilty on the new guy, told me will we never sleep together again unless we get back together etc and that this was it now... she left my house and went. - Sorry i also need to mention that she admitted to me that she told her new guy that she was seeing that when her and him were first courting, that she met up with me and slept with me... she told me he was absolutely gutted. She did lie to him and told him it only happened once... when its happened around 8/9 times. If he knew the poor guy would be distraught and she also said he would never talk to her again.

Again i knew it was time to move on... another two weeks went past with no contact. I was driving home after work on a friday and she was next to me in traffic... i cant explain it but we were kind of car flirting? We ended up having a race (silly i know) but my car is alot quicker so i beat her. I ended up texting her saying "you'll never keep up " blabla... she replied immediately... and again we ended up meeting that night and having sex again multiple times. This time was different. This is nearly 3 months after the breakup now and im back in great shape, im tanned and im confident. She told me "i've never been soo attracted to you"... she told me she loved me, she told me that this breakup might be a good idea as we are realising feelings for eachother, she told me that she thought me and her will always have feelings for eachother... she told me her parents miss me, she misses me and that now we needed some real space (not 2 weeks) maybe a month or two as she needed to realise if she misses me or not enough to get back with me. I agreed. I let her out of my car to go home and didnt attempt to contact her (this was friday night / saturday morning). I then decided it was time to give her some real space... as she clearly had feelings and keep on seeing her would just mess them up. It got to monday at work and a 9am i received a text from her "Im sorry blabla its over, this will never work again, you need to move on, i DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE, we are ruining all of our good memories, we need to let go and not contact eacother". I replied angrily saying how can she change her mind so quickly AGAIN, i told her she has done nothing but play with my feelings, and i told her that on our lunch break i wanted to talk to her face to face.

It came to lunch and we sat in her car and she shouted at me telling me "SHE DIDNT WANT ME ANYMORE" "its over forever" "we are done, we need to break off" "its never going to happen again" etc etc... she made me cry i felt awful. I told her fine i was going to let go for good and not contact her. I then went back to work and sent her a really nice text stating how our relationship was amazing, thank you for everything, i reminded her of a good memory and told her we were in love at one point and its a shame it had to end like this... i also assured her i would never tell her new guy (Who she is STILL seeing) that we had been mucking around behind his back".... she didnt even reply.

its now been another 2 weeks since no contact, but i am NOT breaking it. I still love her, i still cant stop thinking about her and i still wind myself up. PLEASE can anyone tell me anything from the above information?

Some key facts of this breakup

-She told she really likes this new guy... but has been sleeping with me constantly for the past 3 months
-One saturdy morning she woke up at mine... i had sex with her (unprotected)... and then on that night she went on a date with him?
-She has constantly told me how she misses me, but then after we sleep together changes her mind THE NEXT DAY?

Please i am desperate for some real, good advice. I do not know what to do, other than what is happening can not continue. I see her everyday at work, i dont know if this is a good or bad thing?

My head is messed up and im desperate to move forward... but i cant. I wanted to marry this girl and now im broken.

Any replied greatly, greatly appreciated.

[stev123]

First of all please pay the most attention to my advice as I have been in the exact scenario.

Being in love is great, but when people break up it means new things happen and the person you love moves on and does find someone else, like she has.
Now judging from her behaviour, how she is vindictive, how she is uncomfortable being with you yet comfortable being wined and dined while having a relationship with someone else shows a lot about this woman. It shows you that she is manipulative, indecisive and dishonest. Now any woman, who is properly in love would never EVER date two people at once, therefore SHE does NOT love you - get it through your head before you end up being destroyed. She is a typical whore - yes, she will happily use you for things that make her happy, money, emotional loathing and sex, but she doesnt want to be with you yet you love her, it means she doesn't give a rats ass about you, instead it means she actually just wants to play you before you realise how much of a pathetic whore she really is.
Now, please leave this with some dignity if you can...because if you don't she will play you forever and you'll only end up hitting yourself in the head. Believe it, it's hard when you love someone, but love fades and there is a lot of good women out there (unlike this slut) and believe me, a lot of good women out there will cherish a decent guy with some good morals, so it's not over and you don't need to worry. But don't let yourself be a pussy, be a man. Take a step back, relax...find something to do and keep your mind occupied. Don't talk to this woman again, even if she comes crying back, because she knows how easy you are to manipulate and she can do this so continously. Again this is the best ADVICE available for you, no one else will give any better, believe me. If you let her keep abusing you emotionally it will damage your health, and she doesn't give two ****s because she has no set of standards or moral respect.

Good luck OP, don't let yourself get played again as pathetic as you see it, you will see for what it is when you take a step back and see for yourself.

[Johnjunior]

First of all please pay the most attention to my advice as I have been in the exact scenario.

Being in love is great, but when people break up it means new things happen and the person you love moves on and does find someone else, like she has.
Now judging from her behaviour, how she is vindictive, how she is uncomfortable being with you yet comfortable being wined and dined while having a relationship with someone else shows a lot about this woman. It shows you that she is manipulative, indecisive and dishonest. Now any woman, who is properly in love would never EVER date two people at once, therefore SHE does NOT love you - get it through your head before you end up being destroyed. She is a typical whore - yes, she will happily use you for things that make her happy, money, emotional loathing and sex, but she doesnt want to be with you yet you love her, it means she doesn't give a rats ass about you, instead it means she actually just wants to play you before you realise how much of a pathetic whore she really is.
Now, please leave this with some dignity if you can...because if you don't she will play you forever and you'll only end up hitting yourself in the head. Believe it, it's hard when you love someone, but love fades and there is a lot of good women out there (unlike this slut) and believe me, a lot of good women out there will cherish a decent guy with some good morals, so it's not over and you don't need to worry. But don't let yourself be a pussy, be a man. Take a step back, relax...find something to do and keep your mind occupied. Don't talk to this woman again, even if she comes crying back, because she knows how easy you are to manipulate and she can do this so continously. Again this is the best ADVICE available for you, no one else will give any better, believe me. If you let her keep abusing you emotionally it will damage your health, and she doesn't give two ****s because she has no set of standards or moral respect.

Good luck OP, don't let yourself get played again as pathetic as you see it, you will see for what it is when you take a step back and see for yourself.

As hard as that is to hear... i know you are right.

You got to remember working with her everyday is a challenge... and also the fact that the time we did spend together she never did cheat on me makes me know that at one point she DID love me.

However as you've said... i believe there is too much damage now, and her actions have spoken very loudly.

Thank you for your honest advice.

[Johnjunior]

As hard as that is to hear... i know you are right.

You got to remember working with her everyday is a challenge... and also the fact that the time we did spend together she never did cheat on me makes me know that at one point she DID love me.

However as you've said... i believe there is too much damage now, and her actions have spoken very loudly.

Thank you for your honest advice.

Anymore advice... greatly appreciated.

Also i would like to know. Do you believe the guy she is seeing now, is a rebound? and will it last?

[VincenzoG91]

It doesn't matter if the new guy is a rebound, or if it will last. She is your ex for many reasons, and you need to get on with your life. She wasn't a great girlfriend, because she failed to communicate effectively while in a relationship with you. She has hurt you so many times with her unreliability that she has finally become a reliable source of pain in your life. So forget all about her and move on. Next time you feel the urge to talk to her, just bang your head against the wall instead and get the pain over with quickly. It sucks that you have to work with her, but then it was a bad idea to date a co-worker in the first place. Don't date co-workers anymore, it's lazy and vaguely incestuous. Be professional and keep your love life separate from your work.

To move on, you need to get busy and stay busy. Keep working out, that's good for you and will help you maintain a more stable emotional state. Start a new hobby, especially one that gives you the opportunity to meet women. Maybe do some volunteer work, to stay busy and to boost your self-esteem. Adopt a pet. Read some books and watch some movies. Get back in touch with friends and family.

[michelle23]

The way she has treated you the past three months and the new guy is appaling. She played you and yoou let her. She has shown you what she is capable of and you dont need someone like that in your life.

You really need to move on. Even if she comes back again-tell her to **** off. Your hurting yourself more by allowing her to hop in and out of your life, pick you up and drop you when she feels like it and sleeping with her is just giving you false hope.

Too much crap has happened. Even if you did get back together-you wouldnt be able to forgive her for all this. She has really hurt you and it would be pointless to get back togethrr.

I think you should really try to get a new job, stick to no contact and look after yourself. Also get your self tested for stis. She was sleeping with both of you!

Look up the five stages of grief. It will take time but you will heal. Good luck

[Valixy]

And you were ready to marry her? Imagine that disappointment.
You didn't lose her, you were simply liberated of someone unworthy of your love and spared a bigger sufferance.
The other guy is just someone who still has to discover that despite an apparently attractive personality she has no real character, nothing to envy him for.

[quipus]

Do you believe the guy she is seeing now, is a rebound? and will it last?

You, my friend, are asking all the wrong questions. You're blinded by your emotions, and can't see all the bullshit this person has put you through.

Better ask yourself why aren't you in blind rage over how you were treated by this chick. She's BAD NEWS, to put it nicely. Why do you care if her present relationship will last? So you can try and get back with her? You'd be setting yourself for another heart-kicking experience, I assure you.

Keep going to the gym, get out more, be surrounded with people - old and new alike and forget about her!

[Johnjunior]

Thank you everyone.

I really do know what i need to do... and it is move on and cut her out of my life. It's just hard as i can assure you at points me and her were deeply in love. We shared things that were so special, and the way i connected with her family was something i'll never forget.

Your all right, the way she has acted is like a cheap slut. Seeing two guys at once. Why would i want that?

Does anyone know roughly how long this will take for me to get her out of my head as im deeply hurting everyday.

[Johnjunior]

Also i need to ask...

Why when we have been meeting up has she been telling me things like
-she misses me
-she dreams about me
-she finds herself wanting me to contact her
-she loves me
-she is more attracted to me than ever

? i dont understand why she would always say this.

[VincenzoG91]

Also i need to ask...

Why when we have been meeting up has she been telling me things like
-she misses me
-she dreams about me
-she finds herself wanting me to contact her
-she loves me
-she is more attracted to me than ever

? i dont understand why she would always say this.

Two possibilities:

1. She is telling you what she is really feeling.
2. She is manipulating your feelings with a bunch of lies.

Now look at her recent behavior and guess which is the likely answer. (Hint: it's #2)

[quipus]

As VincenzoG91 pointed out, she's most probably just trying to keep you readily available on a whim. Forget her words, actions speak the loudest.

Also, you can't predict how long you or anyone else will be heartbroken over someone. That depends on your personality and circumstances. What you CAN do is try and make that time as short as possible by making a conscious effort to better your life. As I said, forget about her (block/delete her on social media if you have her as a contact), have fun, include physical activity in your daily routine, meet new people and you will heal.

[Johnjunior]

all of your advice is being taken on board... I just can not stop thinking about her. I honestly think that i spent 95% of my day (this is not even an exaggeration) thinking about the situation. Working with her does not help.

I really do not know how im going to move forward at present.

She tried to smile at me today at work when we walked past. It actually annoyed me.

[stev123]

all of your advice is being taken on board... I just can not stop thinking about her. I honestly think that i spent 95% of my day (this is not even an exaggeration) thinking about the situation. Working with her does not help.

I really do not know how im going to move forward at present.

She tried to smile at me today at work when we walked past. It actually annoyed me.

Stop thinking about it and ignore her, and don't take these white knights advice on here either. She's just a typical western whore who's probably laughing inside while you sit there in agony. Don't show her any emotion, and don't think about it either, because there are much more better women out there than this and you don't need someone like that in your life.

[BoysDontCry]

dude - there is a post on another forum like this I made back in 2004. Listen to me now and take this in. I met a girl back in 2000 and was like you totally head over heels in love, nothing else could ( or has ) ever compared to this girl. I couldn't believe my luck, she too worked where I did and still does. She begged me to get her pregnant and she did almost immediately. Anyway after a few months she started messing me around - saying things like I need some space etc etc. I couldn't believe it as she was telling me how much she was in love with me and wanted and needed me. One night I lost it with her and told her what I thought of what she was doing to me and she walked out, I was desperate to get her back and tried everything. She like your ex would string me along saying maybe, lets see how things go I just need space now etc etc. She also had an abortion which I went along to - was extremely painful and emotional but I just wanted her back no matter what. A month or so later we did get back together briefly but her behaviour and attitude were no different - I was also sure she was still seeing her husband she was seperated from. Then one week-end she just disappeared. I got hold of her best mate and she said this person had gone off to Blackpool to try and sort her head out. At the time I thought this was fine but looking back and from what I will tell you shortly I reckon this was rubbish. Anyway when she came back we were over and she didn't want to know. I took 3 months off work in the end because I was turning up drunk and just crying randomly. I would of been sectioned as I was in a complete mess emotionally if it wasn't for a very good friend who was an ex of 5 years handn't come and taken me back to her house to look after me. Anyway around 3 months after I got myself together and returned to work - where she still works. I would see her in the corridor and try and ignore her but after a while I would smile and she would smile back. Around xmas of that year I sent her a nice e-mail wishing her the best etc etc and got something back on the same lines.

I cannot really remember what happened after this but I stopped speaking to her, probably because she started going out with someone else at work and it was too painful. I would see them lunching together in the canteen and stuff. Anyway fast forward 4 years to 2004. I cannot remember the circumstances but we started emailing wach other again - was probably something to do with work. Anyway this went from a friendly work related thing to speaking about other stuff and how we had both been and how our lives had been. She told me she was about to break up with this guy she was with at work and I began to help her through that and be there for her. Now I am sure you can see whats happening here can't you - well I sure didn't at the time. From speaking to her in January 2004 by March we had agreed to meet up and we went out. I asked her why she hurt me so much and what she did what she did and her answer was that she was messed up and she didn't mean it and she was very sorry and didn't mean to hurt me etc etc. Anyway the night carried on and all of a sudden she grabbed me and kissed me. Now the physical aspect of our relationship was amazing and nothing previous or since has ever compared and it bought back all those amazing feelings. As you can prolly gather I took her back to my house and we slept together and again in the morning.

Thus 4 years later despite all my friends telling me what a bad idea it was and remember what happened last time and how much it ruined you I embarked on another relationship with this girl. Of course the first few months were amazing again and I was in heavenly bliss. Then around 2-3 months later she started becoming distant again, she said that an older guy at work had started emailing her and she wasn't sure what to do etc etc. I didn't think much of it at the time as he was alot older than her and abit creepy, I just said tell him to stop emailing. Then one bank holiday week-end she came round on the thursday night and I cooked her a nice dinner and she left and said see you over the week-end. Never heard from her all week-end and by the Monday I was worried and scared that she was going to do me the same thing as she had before. Went round her house on the Monday and low and behold she was there. She told me she had to go away and sort her out - where have you heard that before. I asked whether were still together and she said yes but I need some space and time on my own. She told me not to text or email and she would contact me. Of course when she got back to work I couldn't help it tried to keep it togther but couldn't understand how it went from being brilliant again to being treated like I was nothing to her. We had a big argument and she told me she had enough and that to leave her alone now and not speak for awhile. Then one lunchtime later that week a very good friend of mine came and saw me and said they had seen her in town with another bloke - this bloke from work who had been emailing her I mentioned earlier. I confronted her about it and she said he just needed a favour for a lift into town etc. Then the following lunchtime I was told they were in his van together at lunch. I completely lost it as you can guess what I thought. Anway for about 4 weeks I stayed friendly via email but in the end just couldn't and told her I couldn't be friendly with her anymore. She gave me a load of spiel about how she didn't want to lose me as a friend and was saying things like there is something strong between us something very strong but she thinks that not enough time has passed since we split up for anything to have changed. I sent her one last email telling her how out of order I thought she was eith the way she has treated me etc etc. I got one back saying that it wasn't all her fault etc etc

In 2005 I got married to another girl I had met, the girl at work had got together with this older guy and they now have 2 children together despite all that time ago her telling me she wasn't with him etc etc and she still works where I do so I get to see her and him, lovely. However and take note of this point - its now 2013 and my wife and I are spending a week apart because it looks like we are going to split up. I cannot say its because of this girl who did me in all those years ago but I do still think about her at times and how emotionally she destroyed me and I have never really recovered. I had to go though councilling to be able to talk to my wife properly and open up but even now physically and mentally I have never been the same and to be honest just want to spend the rest of my life on my own now.

Your situation and what she was saying to you sounds almost identical to what I went through - she was depressed and how low self esteem and seemed to want to have me as fall back so if anything ever went wrong with her she could just fall back in my arms knowing I would hang off every word and take her back in so easily. Bin her off mate and find a girl that values you for what you are and who you are and don't do what I did and leave yourself emotionally scarred for life with there being a chance of it affecting future relationships

Amen. Best of luck.