Boyfriend doesn't spend much time with me anymore.

[drummergirl12]

Ok - I'll try to keep this short
I'm 24, my boyfriend of 5 years is 25. We were friends through high school before starting a relationship, we are very very close and tell each other everything. Our sex life is still absolutely great and when we do spend time together we are both very happy and always find crazy new ways to still have fun. We both work 40 hour weeks and do not live together (another small issue - he has financial issues that he says are stopping us from living together). My problem is he always puts everything before me now. In a week i might get to spend one night with him, whereas every other night he'll be at a friends house, or out with the friend doing something - I get it, he's gotta have time with his friends - it's always been fine with me cause i need time with my girls too.. but not EVERY night and every weekend. This wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't so much.
After knowing him for 10 years, i expect more respect than what i get e.g. he tells me he can't see me but will go to a friends, tells me he's spending the night at home cause he's got things to do there - but goes to his friends house, he tells me he'll ring throughout the day - but i don't get a call/text or anything cause he's with his friends. he organises to see me but then ignores my calls and texts cause he's at a friends. He tells me i'm selfish because i want to spend more time with him, which in turn, means he gets less with his friends. This has been happening for at least 4-5 months now, And i'll add - his friends are mostly all drug users who treat their girlfriends like shit (it sometimes feels like he acts the way he does to impress them)
Can someone please tell me what to do.. At his age you'd expect for him to want to settle down etc, not act immature and ignore his girlfriend, he chose to be in a relationship with me, when we get time together i know he wants to be in a relationship, but it's getting him away from his friends to spend time with me that's the issue. What can i do to fix this? Is this even worth fixing?? Anyone else had this same problem and fixed it??

[BoredGeorge]

Maybe don't go out with losers who hang out with drug addicts. Duh.

[pisces25]

I've never had this problem but if I did I'd probably leave. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. Has the convenience of sex on tap but doesn't put in effort to nurture the rest of the relationship. If I was you I'd lay it all out, tell him the issue and if nothing changes I'd leave. You can't control someone but if he respected you he'd listen and put some changes in place. If he doesn't then you have a fair idea of his feelings for you.

[Anastasia91]

Just found your post on the Net randomly, and although i know exactly how bad this situation feels like, it felt a little bit more comforting, knowing that even another person across the world struggles with pretty much same thing I do here! But any way, I'm in the same situation .meanin I've been for couple of years with my borfriend now, we love each other and do still enjoy each other in bed and just having fun,and we can't really live together because of the finances, plus we're students still and have to work part time, so really do not have time during the week days, and the weekends have become a big problem for us and me in particular. I really miss him throughout the week so that i want to spend as much time as I could on the weekends, well at least a one whole day... But of course there are always some obstacles..like car issues and things like that ( he has them more btw since he enjoys doing smth with his car and he does it with his friends so makes it fun i guess?), but even when there seems nothing to prevent us from beeing together,he often prefers his friends' little errands which the go to together, or videogaming even alone to our time as a couple! THis have really being bugging me recently!!!! SO i UNDERSTAND what it is for you.
ANd Honestly, i haven't worked out any , special way to get out of the situation, or maybe get over it and be happy with what i have. But For now, at least for my own relationship kinda worked out something like a plan to be working on. First, I stopped nagging, even though it hurst so bad when he does leave me for smth or someone else, so that he would feel free to make his choice, caus ein case of nagging apparently he doesn't choose me. Ans it is understandable i guess? Cause friends do not nag, u know, they just tak him as he is, so i'm trying to do that too so that my company would be as comfortable as theirs is, and also heard a thing about Neuro Linguistic Programming, that a person would unconsciously try to get back to that person, who says more good things to him and have those really little but happy moments, like for example an orgasm haha as simple as it is)) and plus it's good to call him some intimate name at that happy moment like, i don't know "My king" or smth XD and then when you need that person to remember how good it feels to be with you( like in our case when the boyfriend is between the choice of you or hid friends), you just call him that name again, as if just occasionally,and that brings positive feellings to his brain and you have more chances in this case. And the last thing, I personally am working on too, you know the man has conquer you, so.. Since it's been couple of years for us it started to seem probably to him,. that you always there for him, anytime he asks, which a good thing, but most guys appreciate when they are older,and at this age they just need their interest to be heated up.. So maybe next time he wants to spend time with you,say you're busy cause you've alreasdy had plans,and have them really, don't sit and wait for him!( i do it a lot unforutunately((, well not goign to tell ya about all the new hairstyle-dress up thing, u know probably all about it) But a thing to add to it, maybe somehow let him know that you dress up for other people and fo out with them too, and they can be not only girls necessarily!)))Well you just those simple things, need to do them slowly, so h wouldn't think you just take vengeance on him.. but with dignity and step by step and absolutely innocent looks in the eyes give him those hints for him to realize that basicly, *I Don't see a ring on that finger *, honey XD

Please let me know if there are any impovements in your relationships, or other details, or any your won ways you've handled the situation with, cause like i said, this kind of things really worries me too!

[lylufy]

There're 2 point I want to emphasise:
1. His financial issue => Can you help him or his fiend can help him to solve it? Why did he decide move on his friend's houses?
If you can help him, dose he come back to you like before? Or, is this only an excuse to come with his friend easily ?
2. His friends who mostly drug user => This does not mean he also use drug like them (but still a high risk).
Follow your observation, what weird signs did he express? Is those expressions similar drug user?
I think everything should be clear before you decide anything !

[Boisdevie]

I work a lot more than 40 hours a week. I still manage to find time to see my GF because it's a priority for me. Message understood?

[Wakeup]

And i'll add - his friends are mostly all drug users who treat their girlfriends like shit

And I'll add that he does the very same thing to you.

You teach people how to treat you and so far you're teaching him that he can treat you like shit, listen to you bitch about it, wait for you to get over it and then you stay with him anyway for a night of sex when he can spare the time to be with you. You're not valued and you know it so why are you enabling him to be the asshole that he is? Ask for what you want calmly and matter of factly and if he doesn't give it to you and worse (calls you selfish for wanting a proper relationship) then tell him goodbye and find a man who isn't still hanging with his homeys and only taking his chick when he can spare her an hour.

Anastasia: Same goes for you. Why do you both think so little about yourselves that you'd continue to put up with this crap?

[KingZ]

I'd call bullshit on every count.

Financial issues don't prevent you from living with someone. Quite the opposite, actually. Living with someone saves you a shitload.

[Wakeup]

Yea but living at home saves you even more. I guess we should clarify .. Does he live at home with his parents or by himself, op?