discovered my boyfriend talking to another girl! Should I catch him when they go out?

[LilAngel]

I've been with my bf for two years now. We've had some trust issues, because he had been still dating his ex when we met and I didn't know about it. Everytime we've gone out he would flirt with other girls and sometimes I would catch him texting or calling some new girls. He would always say I am spying on him and its just all in my head! But I really care about him so tried to quiet my inner voice each time and work things out between us. Few days ago I finally had a chance to go through his phone (he never lets it out of his sight) and he was asking some girl out in a text. I know they plan on meeting next Thursday. What do I do??? I suspected him of cheating before but could never prove that. Should I go and catch him to prove its not all in my head? How do I act? Isn't he gonna call me spying when he sees me and turns the situation against me? I don't know what to do... But I love my boyfriend and will not stand knowing that my boyfriend will be with another woman and I am not acting in any way... How should I handle it?

[ladeeda80]

Wow, well I would try making plans with him the same evening. See what his excuse is and then go from there.

[vashti]

Why don't you just get rid of him? You don't trust him; that is good enough reason to unload him. Don't wait until you are knocked up. He will make you miserable in the long run, and you'll be sorry you didn't do what was right when you had the chance.

[LilAngel]

Thank you
If I try to make him spend time with me that day he will say I make him feel like he's in a cage. He always does that. Its just that I tried to break up with him so many times before because of all signs of his infidelity and now I'm wondering if seeing him with another woman and approaching them would finally make me do it, or would I just make a fool of myself...

[Petit Papillon]

He will make you feel like you do a fool of yourself, but if you think it will help you get over him then do it. He's a jerk, and inner voice is like a super power that in 90% times works. Especially if you feel it constantly.Dump his sorry ass!!

[pat]

You say "if I try to MAKE HIM spend time with me" - that's already wrong. He should be glad to spend his time with you. Of course every now and then you have other plans or need some time alone, but you should never be in the position to make him spend time with you. Do you guys see each other very often? If you do, try to be busy without him throughout the week and try to let Thursday be your only where you have time. If he's going to see you only once or twice the next week and he feels like he's being put in a cage when you want to see him on Thursday, there's something really wrong, anyway.

However, from what I have experienced, relationships that are based on mistrust and jealousy are never going to work out, especially if you constantly get confirmed in all your doubts. Try making plans with him for next Thursday, if he doesn't want to see you that day (which will most likely be the case considering he has a date already), do it like ladeeda80 said - wait for his excuse and go from there. Maybe he's just going to say "I'm meeting an old friend of mine", but if he starts lying about it you should seriously consider breaking up, because that's just not how it's supposed to be. Also, it's not really going to change, either. If he's dating girls behind your back and lying to you, he won't stop doing that in the future. It doesn't sound too promising or romantic, but that's really just the way it is, I've seen it so many times. If you break up he might be willing to change, but then it's too late. If you don't break up and stay with him or give him a second, third, fourth chance, he won't see a reason to change, because he's getting away with the things he does.

[xxazurexx]

Get rid of him!

[roy_delene]

I agree with some of the people here, you need to dump him before you really get hurt worse than you are now

[LilAngel]

We see each other three, four, sometimes even five days a week. He is 6 years older than me, yet he needs to go clubbing every other week now (it used to be more often but he had health issues and now he does't party that much). I don't feel the need to party basically at all and when he's out I just stay in my house. He stopped taking me out to clubs long time ago, because I would alwyas be mad about him flirting with other women. Once I even saw him taking a number from one of them... We go to dinner once every few months, or to movies, but most of the time we just stay home. And I don't feel I make him feel like he's in a cage. He initiates for us to meet and I don't start fights or check on him by calling whenever he goes out. The only thing I have a problem with is that we always tells me last minute althaugh he knows about it for some time. Unexpected beers with guys during the week is fine with me, but sometimes we get up Saturday morning and he says I should go home, because he has plans he didn't have a chance to tell me about sooner... and that's when this whole "him feeling in the cage" begins..

[roy_delene]

i think you'd be better off without him

[VincenzoG91]

He doesen't treat you with respect. You don't trust him. I don't really see a basis for a healthy, ongoing relationship here. Drop him and move on.