my thread is/was genuine but i'm so so sorry - he's a waste of time!

[dandg]

I started a thread headed *i don't know what i'm doing wrong* however I lied about who i was. I'm truly sorry. The thread was posted by me (Denese), but from my husbands perspective. Everything I wrote in that thread is absolutely true as to his attitude towards me. Truth be known, i hadnt even reached the tip of the iceburg. The things i put in that thread led people to believe I was a troll. I'm seriously not (well, i suppose i was in way, as i wrote as another person and not me), but if I put EVERYTHING down that happens between these four walls, there is no way anyone would believe it

I didn't want to post from my point of view as I know what people will say - GET THE FCK OUT! What i wanted to achieve was to post a thread from *his* point of view and then get him to read what people (who i don't know and have no reason to protect me) have to say!

Sadly, he's not interested. He doesn't even care that i felt forced onto a forum and do this. I'm at a loss now. He will only ever agree with those agree with him - everyone else is wrong.

I don;t know what i'm going to do, but i know that I cant bear many more days/months/years as i do right now.

I want to apologise for me being deceitful to those who responded to my post. At the same time, I want to THANK you all. I am normal, and whats happening to me is not right on any level. i don't know what is right or wrong anymore. I try to *perform* but I find it hard. I think sex would be easier if i was a prostitute. At least it would just be for that one time and I wouldn't have to walk down the stairs and face that person the next morning! Actually, i'm not even sure if a prostitute has more self respect than I do for myself

Thank you all again - the tears are genuinely flowing - thank you

[sarahprincess]

Dont feel bad about making a forum from your husbands perspective. I only said you were a troll because I could not believe someone would do that and not know he was being a non caring person.
I dont see how you could put up with all that. I really hope you figure out what makes you happy and put your foot down! No one should be treated that way. I hope you find the strength to do something about it.
In the mean time, I hope it gives you comfort that you are not crazy, and that you deserve more.

[dandg]

Thanks Sarahprincess - as soon as you responded i tried to pm you as i felt so bad for being deceitful, but the board wouldn't allow me. I didn't want anyone to know what i was doing, as I genuinely thought he may stand back and take notice of other peoples views- sadly I was wrong! he's not interested. i wanted to put more on that thread, but if i said (as him) *i dont want her to leave, so i lock the door and hide the keys* or *i pay the rent therefore she owes me sex* i would have definitely been viewed as a troll! i mean come on - what forty two year old woman would allow herself to be treated that way??? ermmmm - me obviously! i'm pathetic i know. But hey, i know that cos i cant even take a pigging overdose and do the job right. dont worry sarah, i'm out of that pit at the moment, but its still not good is it???

I live 4 hours away from all my friends and family. i have no money to call my own and a dog i love very much. even if i did have somewhere to go, i couldnt take my dog with me cos of his issues. putting him to sleep is not an option. i'm between a rock and a hard place.