Closing In On a Year Now...

[m1o9o9n0]

Closing In On a Year Now...
...and I still absolutely want to die. She's now completely moved on and is dating someone else, someone inferior and unworthy, someone other than me. She actually has the audacity to think she has any right to move on with her life and try to be happy without me, the man who married her and the only man capable of treating her right and loving her the way she deserves. Of course, because I wasn't exciting enough it had to end. Because I enjoyed my downtime and video games too much that just meant I never loved her and she had no choice but to leave. She just doesn't understand. She loved me once. She accepted my marriage proposal. Therefore, she should still be here. She should still be here, at my side, as my wife, with her feelings unshaken and as strong as they were the first time she told me she loved me. There is no reason on Earth why she left (after only 3 months of marriage too!).

But she's gone and there's nothing I can do except sit here and hope God takes me in my sleep. She just doesn't understand how much I need her to be in my life still. Without her, the only woman I've ever loved, life has no purpose, no meaning and certainly nothing even remotely inspiring enough to motivate me to carry on. In spite of how callously and coldly she discarded me, in spite of the months she spent lamenting our relationship because of one single argument neither of us could settle, in spite of the mountain of hurtful insults and psychological games she played after leaving me, I would take her back in a heartbeat. If it meant trading in everything I own and everyone I know I would do it without a moment's thought or a shred of regret. The fact she actually loved me once means it was real, it was right and it should be lasting forever because no other woman on this planet is capable of loving me. Not now and not ever. I knew long before I'd even met her that there was only one out there and once I found her it would have to be my life's goal to keep her for I would never have another. And so far, a year after her departure from my life, this immutable fact is holding true. The only woman alive on this planet capable of feeling love for me now no longer does. So that's really it. Game over. Checkmate. Point, set, match.

I've entertained many horrible thoughts of revenge but deep down I know it's not worth it because the only acceptable revenge would require me to ruin her life in such a way as to forever label me completely insane, immoral and deserving of being dumped by her. Not to mention I'd have to kill myself after having my revenge because I'm not prepared to spend the rest of my life in jail though a very small part of me just wishes, hopes and prays that her life falls apart on its own and that she is eventually overcome by paralyzing misery from which she cannot recover. I'm talking the sort of despairing depression that leaves her shell shocked, unable to leave her home, or go to work, or interact with friends or in any way be able to function as a normal, happy human being until the day she dies. I'm talking the sort of misery that sees her breaking down in uncontrollable tears for months and years to come, the sort of psychological trauma that makes it impossible for her to EVER have a serious relationship with another man. After all, she left me. She broke me emotionally and physically and has forced upon me this terrible fate of loneliness. She actually has the nerve to think I'm no longer the greatest man in her life and that there are others out there who are better. For all this she needs to pay eternally. And as much as I would love to be the one to orchestrate this destruction of her life I know I, as one man, cannot. I must put my faith in God and the universe to destroy her life as she destroyed mine.

I only hope that the forces of the world around me come through and do what's right. This woman cannot be allowed to live a happy life. Not now, not ever. Not if it means I am to suffer in this way. Of course, either way I'm going to suffer, that much is a given. But the only solace I can find in being awake is hoping and wishing that one day, somehow, she suffers too for what she did to me.

And if you're a woman reading this, do the world a favor. Stay with your man. As long as he doesn't hit you, doesn't berate you and doesn't cheat on you, he's good enough. Stop reaching for the stars. Stop looking for that perfect, storybook knight in shining armor because they don't exist. Lower your standards, for the love of Christ.

[BeDour]

Come on man.....not again. Stop posting.

[ChristianonLI]

Ok, I didn't do this. But I did happen to stumble upon it and I'm not sure why someone would do this.

THIS WASN'T ME. I just want that to be clear with everyone.