I am suspicious minded, but is this normal??

[maximus1975]

Ok, Let me give you a bit of background, before asking my question and know your valuable opinions.
I met this woman online about 4 months ago. She is about my age with a very good job and high income, lot more that what I earn. She is very caring and kind and I feel very relaxed and happy with her. There has been few issues and there are few things that are bothering me and can�t get them out of my head.
we started going out and after going to her place for couple of times, I noticed there are lots of men�s item in the flat. I asked her and she openly explained that she is still in touch with her ex-boyfriend. In fact they both work for the same company (this is how they met, and were together for 13 years), but in different towns. She went on to explain that every now and then he comes and stays over in her place and if she happens to be in other town, she spends the night at his place.
As mentioned in title, me being suspicions, one night that she told me they were going to a work do and he was staying over, I used a phone bug and found out that they slept in same bed, although there are three bedrooms in the flat. I have to say while I was spying on them, nothing happened.
I was very upset and told her what I knew over some text messages, initially she denied it, then she admitted and told me that nothing had happened and promised me that (sleeping in same bed) won�t happen again, but she can't stop seeing him or tell him not to stay over!!!
I have to explain that she has got this habit of wondering around house completely naked before going to bed and after getting up. She has told me that he (ex-boyfriend) is same and this is where she gets it from.
I would like to trust her on the fact that there is nothing romantic (as she puts it) between them anymore, otherwise she wouldn�t have bothered going on a dating website.
But the fact that they spend time together and wonder around completely naked, is eating me alive and can�t get my head around it at all. Am I being unreasonable to think or say this is not natural or is my suspicious mind playing havoc on me???
And the story doesn't end here
Since I met her, she has been on a holiday with this guy (just the two of them), who is a friend from her university days. I don�t know much about their friendship, as she only said, he is a very good friend from university. Well knowing their professions, I can grantee that they have not been going to same lectures, so I don�t know how they met and what is between them. They guy is single and they have been going on these holidays for last couple of year.
I am really confused here, don't know what to do? I really want to trust her as I have formed a closed bond with her in such a short time. But I do suffer every time she is meeting up with her ex-boyfriend .
Please give me some sensible advice, as I feel my suspicions are getting the better of me and I can�t think straight! What would you do guys? Can few of the guys here , express their views , please?
Thanks for your help

[michelle23]

I think your better off forgetting about her. She would not be doing all this if she really wanted no relationship with the ex. Shes still emotionally involved and is probably hoping hell want her back at some stage.

As for the other bloke-they may just be friends but she is crossing the line of friendship going on holidays alone with him. That is something couples do and therefore she should not be doing that with a male friend.

[maximus1975]

So, this is not just me being paranoid thinking she is playing this safe and hoping to get back with her ex?

Kheili mamnoon michelle23

[Wakeup]

Welcome to her harem, maximus. Apt name considering.

[michelle23]

So, this is not just me being paranoid thinking she is playing this safe and hoping to get back with her ex?

Kheili mamnoon michelle23

Whether your being paranoid or not is irrelevant. You are not happy with the way things are and you cant change her so you need to walk away.

[pcmaster]

You are paranoid no matter what is the true about her. You cant live with people you dont feel safe with. This is so fckt up that its not even natural relashionship anymore. Find someone you can trust your heart.

[maximus1975]

thanks guys,
I know that I am not the best at trusting people and always suspicious of everything, maybe because of previous experiences.
But I don’t think even the most open minded and laid back person, will put up with something like this. Am I wrong in assuming so?

thanks again for your help and support

[maximus1975]

Welcome to her harem, maximus. Apt name considering.

Not sure what you mean, maximus is a nickname, I am not Greek!

[michelle23]

thanks guys,
I know that I am not the best at trusting people and always suspicious of everything, maybe because of previous experiences.
But I don’t think even the most open minded and laid back person, will put up with something like this. Am I wrong in assuming so?

thanks again for your help and support

No it is not normal that they walk around naked in front of each other or that they sleep in the same bed. If me and my bf broke up-hed never see me naked again..

[lamobatsman]

ur normal michelle

[Split_interests]

People are all different and form all kinds of different relationships. It's quite possible that they are really good friends who are really open with each other, but legitimately aren't a good couple. They tried, it didn't work, now they're seeing other people, but still have this close, very open friendship. In general I'd trust the person you're with, but that doesn't mean you don't still find all of what they do off putting. You should probably talk to her about why you are uncomfortable about it and what the two of you can do to make it work, or whether it's simply a situation where it can't work. Sometimes people are just into a lifestyle that make other folks uncomfortable and it's not a great match then.

[Wakeup]

thanks guys,
I know that I am not the best at trusting people and always suspicious of everything, maybe because of previous experiences.
But I don’t think even the most open minded and laid back person, will put up with something like this. Am I wrong in assuming so?

thanks again for your help and support

Obviously you're not comfortable with her lifestyle. Since you've had bad experiences in the past, one wonders why your are trying to fit this square peg in the round hole and haven't just said.. fk this, she's not my cup of tea. Check your codependency issues so that you know when to and have the actual strength and self-respect to leave someone who is ALWAYS going to make you feel the angst you're now feeling.

It's common sense so just end it now and don't wait until you're milquetoast demenour and lack of ballzzz makes her lose attraction for you and once again you'll have to add another 'bad experience' to your repetoire.