Girlfriend trouble

[jcali]

Hi, I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. I am, and have been in love with her for this whole time, but after about a year in I got into building my business, and spent a ton of time working.

I wanted to make a good life for us, and possibly have a family with her by doing so. I would be up some days for 36 hours working very hard on my internet sites, and she would not get to spend enough time with me. We would fight because I was tired, and she felt that things could be better.

Recently she was talking to other guys on her phone because she wasn't getting enough attention from me, and I found out, then confronted her about it. I asked if she had had relations with any of them previous to us, she said 5 years ago she slept with one.

I got very angry and told her to get her stuff and leave(yelling and swearing). I left the house, and she started packing her stuff, but we talked it over later on and she stayed. I gave her a date around that same time when my business would slow down, and things would be awesome and we would have a lot of money and time together to do things which was October the first.

On the 28th of September I completed all the work I had to automate 90% of the workload I had previously had, and was 2 days early. I started spending time with her, and was carefree, and anxiety free since I had no more work to do but checking in on things during the day for about 30 minutes max.

She started acting weird, and said we should spend some time apart, so I got mad because I was being myself and felt things were getting better. She said that things were bothering her from the past, and she felt like she needed the time apart.

I had a pretty big breakdown, and didn't understand, but she moved out anyways with her dad. She still wanted to be together as bf/gf, and see how it goes which to me felt like I was being strung along. Tonight I gave her a call to tell her I couldn't do the bf/gf thing, and I felt we should be on good terms, and friends.

I told her also that she should be able to do what she wants when she wants, and it isn't about me. She should go to clubs and dance, and experience everything there is in life. She was fine with this and said she understands where I'm coming from, and said she wants to still be in my life, and if things work out they do, if they don't then shes still happy that she was with me.

We had a trip planned for this week to a theme park, and she asked if we still were going. I said yeah of course I already booked the tickets, we should go. She was also planning on spending the night tomorrow so we could leave from here, and said she would still come over and do so even though I will be in a different city and maybe spend the night over there.

She said as long as I am back in the morning then that should be fine so that we can go.

What should I be doing in a situation such as this? I am madly in love with her first of all, but am quite serious that she should be able to do what she wants. I feel like either shes trying to string me along until she finds someone else, or maybe she really would like to get back with me in the future.

What is the best way to get the spark back into the relationship, now that things have changed? I am also taking her out dancing the next night, which I have never done in the 2 and a half years.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[plexicat]

wow, funny how some situations are so familiar sometimes.

My bf and I have had quite a shaky relationship for the past year or so also because of his work. He's trying to start up his own company whilst having a normal 8-4 job, so we've had very little time together. And it's only lately that he "discovered" that he had been neglecting me.

And the other day (which you can read on my own post "The weirdest feeling ever"), I had a weird sense of doubt of my love for him. Mind you that I have NEVER ever doubted my love for him. I think I've been too busy sacrificing myself and my needs for him that I never cared to think of myself.

Obviously, I can't say that your girlfriend has had the same feelings as I have, given the fact that she's actually been in contact with other guys and I haven't. But it sounds to me that she's realized something, whatever it may be, because of the way she suddenly requested time apart when you finally made time for her. The expression, "you only want what you don't have" comes to my mind when I think of your situation. I'm not saying that she doesn't love you, but maybe you've both changed and in that process she's changed what she wants.

It's a very hard situation you're in, because you love her so much but don't want to be hurt.

All I can say is be honest with her. Tell her how you feel. Women appreciate the fact that the man in her life also can feel insecure sometimes. That only shows that you are human and have needs.

No words or action can help heal a relationship, if they is no honesty and clear air.

I hope all the best for you guys.

[jcali]

Thanks Plexicat,

I read about your situation, and it mirrored my own in so many ways. It is funny how I got the drive for my business due to how much I loved this girl, and I pushed so hard looking towards the future, and not looking at what I had in the present.

I'm 24 years old now, and pretty much retired, and feel like I lost the girl of my dreams. She will be here tomorrow night, and I'm not sure if I should be here or not when she spends the night.

I don't know if I should act like a friend or give her a kiss, or what. If it's games shes playing I'm not interested in that at all. I feel like the best thing I could do is either stay away for the night, and let her miss me, or come and sleep in the bed with her, but not have contact.

I don't want to throw the wrong signals towards her, I just want her to have a fun time at the theme park the next day, and see how fun I really can be now that I have all the job stress completely gone.

[JuliaS83]

I think that you should stay away for the night, and let her miss you.

I think that what she is doing is try to revenge (it's not actually "revenge but it's kinda like that, sorry for my terrible English) for the past when she didnt receive much attention from you. She knows quite well that you love her, so she behaved that way 'cause she wanted you to taste that feelings of disappointment, missing, etc.

[IndiReloaded]

No, do NOT stay away, that's the worse thing you could do. You should apologize you haven't been available to her as much as you like. Your reasons are good, she knows this, but that doesn't change the fact she FEELS neglected by you. Feelings don't need to be rational.

Learn to meet & negotiate for your emotional needs. Even if you break up, you will need this information. Good luck.

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