not good at this stuff.

[carbon]

Hey everyone, any advice/insight would be great. Thanks!

Here's the situation:

I recently became friends with an acquaintance I've known for two years - we basically talked a couple of times at a few pre-parties. One night, during another pre-party, we ended up chatting the night away. We later decided to go to my room to watch a movie, and somehow ended up making out/cuddling (this was Friday night into Saturday morning). It was a heat-of-the-moment thing and completely unplanned (I realize I am a little naïve in retrospect).

So at first I was (or still am) afraid that it was just a hookup for him and felt bad that it happened (I'm not sure how I feel, but I would like to get to know him more).

Since we had planned - during our conversation earlier in the night - to go guitar shopping that weekend, I called him the following night (Saturday night) - he did't pick up. I didn't hear from him until Monday night. He asked if I want to go out on Tues or Wed (which was v-day) although I'm not sure if he realized that. Regardless, I got sick over the week and wasn't in town over the weekend so we didn't hang out until this past Monday.

We went to a guitar store together to help me pick a guitar...didn't find one I like. But we came back to one of the practice rooms here in the dorms and I played around with his guitar for a while. We ended up hanging out until about 2am. At one point we got pretty close and he tried to kiss me again, but I moved away and asked him where he thought this was going. He said he didn't know and I told him how I felt bad after it happened the first time. Then the conversation got kindof awkward... At one point I asked him if he thought girls and guys could be just friends, just because I was curious what he thinks. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea. It's not that I don't want to hang out more...I just want to take the physical stuff slower.

I hope he doesn't feel rejected...somehow I get the sense he is the shy type...since when he asked to hang out the first time he called back, he was very shy about asking (this was over the phone).

I'm not sure where this is going either but I would like to hang out more. So my question is should I call him or wait for him to call?

[LuvSickStagger]

Call him... I'm a shy guy too... if you wait for him to call... he may not.

[leeutalkin2me]

I agree, call him. I think we all appreciate Honesty. Say what you said. That your interested but want to go slowly

[carbon]

The problem is that I'm still not sure if he's also interested or just wants to hook up. How can I tell?

[LuvSickStagger]

Suggest going out to dinner or some other kind of "date." Maybe going to look for another guitar?
Don't invite him to your place or if he wants to invite you to his, say "I really should get going... but let's hang out again soon."
If he still wants to see you, he's interested.

[leeutalkin2me]

Carbon I have the exact same Problem. I can never tell if anyone is interested in me in the slightest, without committing myself, which I never do I may add.

I just wish 1, would do it, it would make the difference to me.

If you do get invited around to his, i dont think she should Jump ship straight away as its gonna give a bad vibe. Just say you dont have time, but stay where you both are a little longer so that neither of you leave with bit of an atmosphere

[carbon]

I just texted him about going to get a guitar tonight..but no response. I guess I have my answer.

[LuvSickStagger]

I don't always notice text messages... sometimes I find them days later. Call him.

[Gigabitch]

Try to look at this from his point of view- you're being really unclear. I think you need to think about how it sounds when you say, "I feel really bad about making out with you the other night". If it were me, I'd be thinking:

"Why? Was it so bad? Are you even single? Oh, God, maybe you feel bad because you're a cheater! Am I a bad kisser? Friends? You want to be just friends? That sucks! Why are you messing with my head?"

[carbon]

Try to look at this from his point of view- you're being really unclear. I think you need to think about how it sounds when you say, "I feel really bad about making out with you the other night". If it were me, I'd be thinking:

"Why? Was it so bad? Are you even single? Oh, God, maybe you feel bad because you're a cheater! Am I a bad kisser? Friends? You want to be just friends? That sucks! Why are you messing with my head?"

Giga, you're right about sending mixed signals, but I was so afraid of being seen as a hookup type that I wanted to make it clear that what we did was not of my norm. I agree that the talk afterwards was awkward...partly because I am inexperienced and partly because I was unsure if I were indeed just a hookup for him. But I did follow up on my comment that I felt bad with the comment that it was nice. That was my way to say I just want to take things slower (if he were indeed interested)...I'm not sure if he got that message though.

Since I still don't know if he's really interested, I don't want to let him know I'm interested unless he feels the same. But I didn't know how to go about finding out, since he may already think that I just want to be friends...so anytime I ask him to hang out, he might think I'm just asking as a friend. Blah.

[carbon]

Suggest going out to dinner or some other kind of "date." Maybe going to look for another guitar?
Don't invite him to your place or if he wants to invite you to his, say "I really should get going... but let's hang out again soon."
If he still wants to see you, he's interested.

But if he thinks I just want to be friends, wouldn't he think I'm asking him out only as a friend? How can I let him know I'm open for things to progress naturally?

[carbon]

I just texted him about going to get a guitar tonight..but no response. I guess I have my answer.

Actually, he texted me later in the night and said he missed my text earlier and that he had to study for an exam today.

So my question is, once again, do I call him or wait for him to call?

[Gigabitch]

Sounds like it's your turn, isn't it? If you're not sure if you want to date him, you shouldn't impose the "Boys Call Girls" rule.

[carbon]

Sounds like it's your turn, isn't it? If you're not sure if you want to date him, you shouldn't impose the "Boys Call Girls" rule.

I am interested. I just don't know if he is..and I don't want him to know that I am interested if he's not. How can I tell if he's interested? He might already think I only see him as a friend, in which case if I ask him to hang out, he might think I'm only asking as a friend.

[lovesjoyajm]

Hey Carbon, I know exactly how you're feeling - something similar happened to me last year, and I was REALLY interested in the guy. I stopped kissing him because I was also afraid it was just a hookup for him, and gave him some really mixed signals (actually, the more I think about it, the more similar it is to your situation).

It doesn't sound like you have some fabulous friendship that you're in danger of ruining by confessing how you feel. From experience, I'd say it's more worth it to find out if he has feelings for you too - bring it up, and soon, I'd say. I never did and a part of me will always regret it.