Do I call my Ex-Girlfriend??

[splitsville]

Long story short her and I broke up 2 years ago. We were together for 3 years. We broke up 2x , 2nd time she left me for another guy. It was a nasty painful brakeup for both of us. It lingered on for a while before we cut it off completley.

Now 2 years later, she moved and is still with the same guy. We havn't had any communication. I recently saw her passing by on the street one day and all the feelings and memories came flooding back. She avoided looking at me and i can tell she was nervous as we walked past each other. I'm seeing a girl now and things are going well but I feel the need to call my ex. She was a very special person in my life and I hated that I left so bitter. Should I call or email? Maybe I should just leave it alone

[GrkScorp]

I'm seeing a girl now and things are going well

Well, sounds to me like you should leave it alone..

I'll tell you what my Civil Law Professor told his class... (People Change, Pre-nupts don't!)... and although you're not signing a pre-nupt now.. think about that analogy for a second..

You HAD positive/good feeling about your ex.. you HAD good times... all words of the PAST.. until something you did or she did changed that.. namely, went with someone else..

Now, it's normal to want to chase after the way you ONCE FELT (again past tense), but you have to first realize, and then accept that this is part of history. Since that time, things have changed, and you cannot chase after the past.. because you are living in the now.. and the NOW is a time where your ex is seeing someone else, and doesn't share those feelings about you anymore since you've lost contact! You have to realize that you're only feeling this way because you're chasing a figure of your imagination, something that ONCE EXISTED, but no longer EXISTS!

What does exist, is your current relationship with this new woman.. which you are thinking of throwing aside for something fictional. I just wanted to point that out to you. And like a disclaimer, i'll stress it even more; [Please read this paragraph once more!]. You have already wasted time being upset and hitting your head for a waste of time and something stupid... and i'm sure that's the last thing you're longing to do again..

So, read this post over if you have to.. think about what i've said.. and come to the realization that what EXISTED in the past with your ex, does NOT EXIST in the present, nor will it EXIST in the future. Therefore, you have no REAL reason to chase after something that will neither be there now, nor be there in the future. Instead, focus on what you DO have now, and allow your feelings about this new person to flurish and develop, (unhindered and free of interuptions from the past).

[Gigabitch]

No, don't effing call her. What is wrong with you? Getting dumped twice wasn't enough for you?

[dontknowhow]

do it and see what happens.

[squirrley]

OMG do NOT under any circumstances call her. Its normal to feel something if you see an x, but its nothing to act on. That will do nothing but cause harm. She avoided you for a reason. That said, oh shit dont even bother.

Its normal to think of your x's but its not a good idea to call upon them even if you think or your intentions are just idle chat, because its not.

DONT CALL HER!

[splitsville]

Actually she was the one that wanted to be able to call me and say hi if we broke up but at the time I said never call me. We talked about this a few times while we were together.

Yeah I agree with all that you guys said. But dont you think if both are in relationships that they like then why can't you call an ex just to say "hello, I dont hate you, hope all is well"? It's kind of unresolved business that has me screwy. I dont like burning bridges I would have rather left the relationship on a good note and left it at that but instead I did somthing really nasty to her and I've been kicking myself. I'm don't want to get back togther with her I just dont want her last impression of me as a jerk. Especially since I was her first.

[squirrley]

Out of respect for your g/f and her b/f its not right. It will set off alarms no matter how innocent you may think it is. Before you know it you start talking about the good old times and go places you just shouldnt. Her avoiding you was your indication not to bother her. You may have talked about it in the past, but that was awhile ago.

given enough time she wont see you as a jerk, she's really not going to care especially now that she's so involved with someone else. you may think having one last conversation with her will close doors, but it doesnt. TRUST ME. Been there done that and it still wasnt enough for me. Years later I dont see him as a jerk, I thank him for the time we had and am thankful because Im with someone now who I belong with.

This is NOT a good step. You just need to learn to let go of it. Whats done is done and it was 2 years ago. Rehashing things isnt going to close the door and make her all of the sudden say ok youre not the bad guy. She's beyond that now, she made that VERY apparent to you when she avoided you. Do NOT read into anything. That was a sign, leave her alone. HAD she wanted to talk to you she wouldve stopped. Or contacted you. She's moved on. Apparently you have to some degree if youre with someone else also.

People do change and it is what is and was what is was.
We can go around and around in our minds to justify making that call, but in the end, its not worth it.

[splitsville]

AT the time I ran into her she was walking with her boyfriend, had she been alone i'm certain she would have stopped and said hi but you're right, i'm should leave this alone.

[Ayame]

being friendly if you bump into again would be acceptable. Smile, even SHAKE HANDS, this says friendly and not romantic. This will allow her to know you are nice and mature and over it.

But by no means should you call her if you have not kept in contact for this long. TRUST ME. when my ex started calling me after a year i was annoyed and disgusted, and he turned into this creepy anonymous text messaging addict, and wouldnt stop until i freaked out and told him to never contact me again.

you dont want to become a creepy anonymous text messaging addict, do you? no. i didnt think so. dont call.

[Gigabitch]

Actually she was the one that wanted to be able to call me and say hi if we broke up

Clearly, she doesn't really understand what "breaking up" means.

I dont like burning bridges........I just dont want her last impression of me as a jerk.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but whatever you did was earned by her. You don't like burning bridges? WTF? That bridge was on fire the first time she dumped you for another guy, and it's been burning ever since. You just don't have the sense to GET THE **** OFF THE BURNING BRIDGE.

[splitsville]

Clearly, she doesn't really understand what "breaking up" means.



Correct me if I'm wrong, but whatever you did was earned by her. You don't like burning bridges? WTF? That bridge was on fire the first time she dumped you for another guy, and it's been burning ever since. You just don't have the sense to GET THE **** OFF THE BURNING BRIDGE.

Why can't two people reconnect after a brakeup? Time heals wounds and changes people. I'm sure you arent the same person you were 5 yrs ago are u? I don't see anything wrong with a friendly email just to see how the other person is. I think thats admirable. If she doesnt respond then at least you gave it a shot and extended a friendly hand. You win either way. And my ex wasnt a bitch at all. Completley nice.I was more the inconsiderate ahole.

[squirrley]

Personally I wouldnt touch it still! When or how many people can say they had a good breakup?

I just dont think its a good idea because of the way it ended and the last time you saw her was an indication WHY NOT to call or email. Seriously, it will cause problems.

[dontknowhow]

Actually she was the one that wanted to be able to call me and say hi if we broke up but at the time I said never call me. We talked about this a few times while we were together.

Did she ever call/email u since then???
If not she didn't mean it, and you are coming up with a excuse to contact her.
Even though you told her not to.
if she really wanted to, i'm pretty sure she would've.

Why can't two people reconnect after a brakeup? Time heals wounds and changes people. I'm sure you arent the same person you were 5 yrs ago are u? I don't see anything wrong with a friendly email just to see how the other person is. I think thats admirable. If she doesnt respond then at least you gave it a shot and extended a friendly hand. You win either way. And my ex wasnt a bitch at all. Completley nice.I was more the inconsiderate ahole.

you are right.
people do change over time.
but i'm pretty sure ur email is not going to be just friendly email to see how the other person is doing.
if u r really worried about how she is doing, you just saw her the other day walking with her bf.
so she must be doing good.

BUT if you want to contact her, then do it.
It's up to you.
but it's not going to be "You win either way" like you said.

[Ayame]

I recently saw her passing by on the street one day and all the feelings and memories came flooding back.

This statement right here says to me that you have not let go completely of what you shared with her. So my advice is, if you have the will power to stay away, just do it. I'm learning from my current sitaution that having your ex involved in your life just causes a whole MESS of drama.

[splitsville]

I know she hasnt made an attempt to contact me but knowing her for As long as did , I know she wouldnt call or email even she wanted to. She wouldn't be that bold. I would have to make the move. Like I said, I dont want her back as a girlfriend, i'd just like to say hi.

WHen her and I were dating I did contact an ex just to see how she was... iit was a very friendly email and even though we are not buddies and we dont see each other, I get an occational email or a mass email from her.

I wished it would be like that wiht my current ex..