Cheating boyfriend

[rubywoo]

Okey. I know the title of my thread is quite daunting but let me explain.
Basically my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years started full time work and started to go out far too much with the people he works with, so we inevitably drifted. Before he started work we were connected at the hip, we would do everything together. We were 100% in love and even though things have degenerated I still genuinely feel what we had was incredibly special.
Anyway, he started work and going out and eventually kissed somebody he works with on a work night out. Before all this, my instincts were screaming at me that something was up, he was taking me for granted completely, not replying to my texts and bordering on to avoiding me. This all came to a head when I checked his phone and found completely lurid and smutball texts to the girl he cheated on me with, and also discussing our relationship with her. He said it had only been texts again and again. So, I broke his phone and promptly dumped him, not shedding one tear. I can be very cold. Two days later I saw him in a club and he tried to speak to me and speak to me, I repeatedly told him to get away from me (at this point it wasnt confirmed he had kissed her, but I pretty much knew) and he also attacked a guy that I started to dance/flirt with. The cheek.
A day after a friend of mine who works in the same place as him confirmed he had kissed her, so he had completely lied to me twice (we had a talk before all of this, and he looked me straight in the eyes and told me there was no one else) Since then he sent me many messages BEGGING me to speak to him, telling me he has messed up, he lost perspective of what we had, he cant sleep and hes been vomiting hes so mad at himself for messing up our relationship. I told him I know he kissed someone else and he just kept begging me and begging me to speak to him. At this point Im still incredibly cold with him and hes just floundering. He carried on telling me he loves me so much, and hes looking for a new job. I said my usual of leave me alone, but now it seems Iam running out of energy. We've done alot together, we travelled and we had alot plans of having a family and we got along incredibly well. At the moment I am asking another girl he works with about his actual cheating. She spotted him in the act and I want to know his reaction. I dont know how he thought I would never find out. He seems shocked I could cut him off so swiftly.
Iam quite a forgiving person and know a rough patch when I see it. But we were so in love Im not sure if I can forgive him. And yet Im not sure if I can live without him. Its still all happened quite recently so my head isnt clear. Im hearing alot of different opinions (dump him, its up to you if you want to forgive him, dont talk to him, only you know if you can ever see him in the same way again) but if anyone on here has been in a similar situation please tell me your decision and the outcome of it...
Cheers guys

[qwertz]

Can you break that down into paragraphs? Its hard to read a wall of text.

[rubywoo]

Oops sorry, Im not good at typing. There ya go just edited

[hello1]

He seems to be easily swayed by other people and easy to forget you. That is a worry and could happen again. If I was you I wouldnt go back unless he quit his job

[rubywoo]

Very true. He forgot me all too easily. He did say repeatedly he is looking for a new job but he says many things. This all happened a week ago, when do you think I should talk to him and tell him to quit?

[ptaylor]

From someone who has cheated and was given a chance. i did a little bit more than kiss i actually slept with somene 3 times. |I did think the grass was greener but after i did what i did I felt totaly disgusted with myself. i never told my partner at the time and she found out 12 months later after we was married. We split up and then sorted things out. It was hard to rebuild the trust again but we did it together. He may have been caught up with new friends from work etc and thought grass was greener. Has he gone further?? It is a difficult 1 because after I did what I did I KNEW I was wrong and truly loved my wife. I do know some blokes that just want to have their cake and eat it, I didn't I just made a mistake. He may have thought the grass was greener and realised it wasn't. It does sound like it to me as he is begging to get back with you, sometimes you have to loose something to realise what you had. only you can realy know if he is telling you the truth and can you forgive him for what he did??

[rubywoo]

Im not sure if he has gone further, Im sure Ill find out. I still need to drag it out of him that he actually kissed her. But judging by the horrible texts he sent (I wont be graphic but just take my word for it they were vile), the possibilty is there. He did tell me he didnt sleep with her and he never would do such a thing, but he avoided the fact I know he kissed her. I dont believe a word he says, theres alot that can be done inbetween kissing and sex also. I know at some point I should speak to him, but I really dont know when.

[hello1]

Very true. He forgot me all too easily. He did say repeatedly he is looking for a new job but he says many things. This all happened a week ago, when do you think I should talk to him and tell him to quit?

I think you should tell him to quit straight away. If he still refuses to admit he kissed another woman then you need to seriously end the relationship for good, how can he learn and understand what he done if he refuses to admit anything?

If he has slept with another woman then I wouldn't go back. Just shows a total lack of respect for you and how much he values you.

[hello1]

From someone who has cheated and was given a chance. i did a little bit more than kiss i actually slept with somene 3 times. |I did think the grass was greener but after i did what i did I felt totaly disgusted with myself. i never told my partner at the time and she found out 12 months later after we was married. We split up and then sorted things out. It was hard to rebuild the trust again but we did it together. He may have been caught up with new friends from work etc and thought grass was greener. Has he gone further?? It is a difficult 1 because after I did what I did I KNEW I was wrong and truly loved my wife. I do know some blokes that just want to have their cake and eat it, I didn't I just made a mistake. He may have thought the grass was greener and realised it wasn't. It does sound like it to me as he is begging to get back with you, sometimes you have to loose something to realise what you had. only you can realy know if he is telling you the truth and can you forgive him for what he did??

Made a mistake three times! You wanted your wife and a bit on the side too, you had your cake and ate it. You are just lucky your wife is a weak woman

[rubywoo]

The last time i spoke to him I told him to leave me alone for a while, I have a feeling he doesent want to tell me he kissed somebody else over messages because he wants to choose his words carefully. I should tell him to quit his job but I dont know when I should speak to him, it was only a week ago. Maybe in another week? What do you think?

[ptaylor]

Time is not a matter, if he respects and love you he will let you take all the time you need. Hes right by not telling you by text or email what he has done as this shows disrepect to you. he does need to tell you to your face and if he is truly sorry you will be able to know by his eyes and body language. I would say tell him you need some space to sort your head out, which you do, then arange a meet in a public palce, cafe etc and see how he reacts when he tells you. Its easy to put on fake emotions in private but if he truly loves you and sorry he will show his emotions will show any where

[ptaylor]

Made a mistake three times! You wanted your wife and a bit on the side too, you had your cake and ate it. You are just lucky your wife is a weak woman

My WIFE is NOT a weak woman. we have split recently and not because of my infidelity, call me all you want but NEVER call my wife.

[Spyr]

Okey. I know the title of my thread is quite daunting but let me explain.
Basically my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years started full time work and started to go out far too much with the people he works with, so we inevitably drifted. Before he started work we were connected at the hip, we would do everything together. We were 100% in love and even though things have degenerated I still genuinely feel what we had was incredibly special.
Anyway, he started work and going out and eventually kissed somebody he works with on a work night out. Before all this, my instincts were screaming at me that something was up, he was taking me for granted completely, not replying to my texts and bordering on to avoiding me. This all came to a head when I checked his phone and found completely lurid and smutball texts to the girl he cheated on me with, and also discussing our relationship with her. He said it had only been texts again and again. So, I broke his phone and promptly dumped him, not shedding one tear. I can be very cold. Two days later I saw him in a club and he tried to speak to me and speak to me, I repeatedly told him to get away from me (at this point it wasnt confirmed he had kissed her, but I pretty much knew) and he also attacked a guy that I started to dance/flirt with. The cheek.
A day after a friend of mine who works in the same place as him confirmed he had kissed her, so he had completely lied to me twice (we had a talk before all of this, and he looked me straight in the eyes and told me there was no one else) Since then he sent me many messages BEGGING me to speak to him, telling me he has messed up, he lost perspective of what we had, he cant sleep and hes been vomiting hes so mad at himself for messing up our relationship. I told him I know he kissed someone else and he just kept begging me and begging me to speak to him. At this point Im still incredibly cold with him and hes just floundering. He carried on telling me he loves me so much, and hes looking for a new job. I said my usual of leave me alone, but now it seems Iam running out of energy. We've done alot together, we travelled and we had alot plans of having a family and we got along incredibly well. At the moment I am asking another girl he works with about his actual cheating. She spotted him in the act and I want to know his reaction. I dont know how he thought I would never find out. He seems shocked I could cut him off so swiftly.
Iam quite a forgiving person and know a rough patch when I see it. But we were so in love Im not sure if I can forgive him. And yet Im not sure if I can live without him. Its still all happened quite recently so my head isnt clear. Im hearing alot of different opinions (dump him, its up to you if you want to forgive him, dont talk to him, only you know if you can ever see him in the same way again) but if anyone on here has been in a similar situation please tell me your decision and the outcome of it...
Cheers guys

If I was with someone who was cheating on me I would have definatelly never given them a single chance. This is me (maybe because I would have never cheated on them)

[girl68]

I value affection way too much to be able to overlook the fact he'd given my affection to another woman. I just really don't think I could honestly ever look past it. Especially when he refuses to fess up and admit to his wrong doing and accept the blame. Well not so much because it wouldn't matter if he admitted it or not, I couldn't look past it.

The only way you'll ever get on with him is if you truely believe you can forgive him, never throw that in his face and learn how to trust him again (with time). Goodluck.

[hello1]

My WIFE is NOT a weak woman. we have split recently and not because of my infidelity, call me all you want but NEVER call my wife.

Oooo coming from the man who cheated on his own wife. If her husband can't show her respect why should I? a complete stranger