the money issue

[mchang521]

I just want to start off by clarifying that I'm not a gold digger, I'm not in a relationship because I want everything to be paid for.
maybe I just need some opinions and suggestions from a different perspective, which is why I'm posting on here.

so me and my boyfriend have been together for about 9 months (first relationship for the both of us and we're both 25).
He is so specific and calculative about money. We take turns for pay for meals when we go out which I have no problems with but sometimes I just think it'd be nice to be treated and none of this your turn my turn thing. When I see pictures of my friends with their boyfriends enjoying their anniversary at a nice restaurant or doing fun things I get so jealous.

Most of my friends boyfriends would pay for most things 90% of the time they go out, they buy their girlfriends flowers on special occasions or just a nice little gift, or dinner at a nice restaurant and stuff. I know I shouldn't be comparing my boyfriend to other people's boyfriends but it's starting to bother me a little. My boyfriend is a really great guy, has a lot of the qualities I look for in a man, but his cheapness is the biggest turn off for me. (again, I'm not looking for a guy that's loaded with money or anything). but it's just been building up....examples: we always go to cheap restaurants, even on special occasions. He bought me a tiny stuffed animal that was on clearance for $2.50 for my birthday plus a birthday card. (I don't need some designer purse but $2.50 seriously?). and if we go out to do things on weekends, he would not go to anything that has an admission fee of over $5. and he also complains about a box of 3 condoms being $5. I can literally go on and on, these are just some of the examples.

Again, I don't know if it's just me overreacting. maybe it's the way he was brought up? I was raised in a complete different environment, not a rich spoiled girl. but my family doesn't care about money that extreme, as long as the quality is good and it's for good reason and within a reasonable price, then i have no problem spending it because we should all enjoy life.

I just want some opinions to see what you guys think about this? if your boyfriend was like this, would it bother you? and does your boyfriend pay for the majority of things when you guys go out? I'd also like to point out that we both have pretty decent jobs so it's not like we're both poor or anything.

please help!

[mchang521]

I forgot to mention....If we decided to go on a weekend trip, he'd calculate the cost of rental car, gas, and hotel and ask me to pay half of it. literally everything is so even and just ruins the whole weekend.

[ylafont]

I could not help but to reply to this as I looked at my own thread. Hope others chime in on this.

From a guys perspectives, or at least my own point of view. Your boyfriend is as cheap as they come. I think this will bother anyone and I don’t think you are asking for two much. Your boyfriend maybe focusing on his money excessively causing you to feel this way. With that said he may have reasons for doing so, he may have other expenses you are not aware of. He may not have the funds to take you out the way he may want and is making his best effort. Maybe he is saving for a rainy day. Whatever the reason, he is consciously aware of what he is spending and on what. He may also feel that it is just a waste of money.

At this age, individual characteristics are usually defined within oneself, any change will need to be consciously made by him and you will need to ask your if you are willing put up with it and accept him for who he is. You may need to lead by example to see if he notices your effort and adjusts. Take him out a few times and let him know you are taking care of it.

Best of luck!

[fearoflove]

Your boyfriend is really cheap. Being treated nicely on dates and being courted is not golddigging and is pretty reasonable. If this is something that is important to you, you don't have to put up with it. I absolutely hate men like this so that is why I filter them out at the beginning by not going out with a guy who doesn't pay for dates (at least for the first few times). But since you have already put up with his behaviour for 9 months and have some history with this guy, you might want to talk to him about it. See if he is willing to change for you. I don't believe you've put up with this for 9 months! wow. How a guy acts during dating indicates how he would treat you when you two are married (plus ten times the intensity). That means, he would be so much cheaper (if its possible to be cheaper than he is now). Who knows what he would do later. Maybe he would ask you to buy your own engagement ring and wedding ring. Maybe he would hide all his money while he is married to you. He would be cheap/ungenerous to any future kids you two have together. His actions tells you alot about his character and him as a long term partner.

Don't be afraid to voice your desire to have a man who is generous to you. It would scare away guys who will treat you poorly, don't take your seriously (shown by their lack of investment in you), or guys who have a horrible character flaw of being cheap. But it won't scare away guys who loves you and will make great providers. Men who found the women of their dreams are willing to spend money, treat her to nice things, and see her be happy.