Please read, advice needed.

[sull43]

I am in between a rock and a hard place.

Short story: Girl has BF. I have known girl since 2nd grade. Girl shows signs. I am lost.



Preface

So this past new years eve I was invited by a girl I went to school with since 2nd grade to go out to a club in the city. We were never really friends back then, more like just two kids who went to a very small catholic school. We graduated 8th grade and went our seperate ways. About 2 summers ago, I re-established contact with her through another friend we used to go to school with (they went to the same high school and are good friends).. We would go to the beach a few times as a group and I really didnt have any feelings for her. I am 20 now and a junior in college. I got her number a few months ago and we exchanged very few messages. I hung out with her a few times with our mutual friends and she is a great person to be with, I get very nervous around girls because i am shy but i have to say i feel very relaxed around her and enjoy her company. I know she thinks i am cute because my friend told me this. she is kind of a nerdy punk snowboarder girl fun to be around doesnt complain alot

So here is my problem. She has had a boyfriend for a while, maybe a year or less Im not sure. He lives far away and they know each other from college. i think hes a tool because he wears emo clothes and white v neck tees that are too small. Her girlfriend and BF were going to the club with us and another guy we are friends with. when she invited me via text i was unsure if i wanted to go. she persisted that she would be the third wheel and i should come"be a bad dancer with me". i kind of seemed uninterested since i was at work but eventually agreed to go.

So I show up at her house to pregame before we took the train in and she looks prettier than Ive ever seen her before. we all drank alot and went to the club. We were having a good time dancing to the electro club music and started to make out it was really hot I gotta say. Her friend saw and when we were walking out of the club and was callin her a cheater and didnt really have much of a reaction. she wore my sweatshirt from the time we left the club until she went to bed. in my drunken stupor i slept on her bed because she said someone could sleep in her bed and on the couches.. thought about trying something but her bf was texting her and calling about something and i felt guilty and decided it was best not to do anything because we were so drunk.

we went snowboarding yesterday. i texted her today saying thanks for inviting me out and to thank her parents for their hospitality. she replied letting me know she is having a party near my town in a week


Whats my next move? I want to keep seeing her and get to know her more.

[smackie9]

She is not married so technically she's fair game......go for it.

[sull43]

Really? does it make a difference that the friend that reintroduced me to her likes her but wont admit it to me because he has been eternally friend zoned?

[Meskazc]

Well, you should never break up a relationship (even though her BF does sound like a tool). That is NOT the way to start a relationship. If you think about it, best case scenario she would leave him for you and then hold you up to him for judgment unfairly. Worst case scenario their "love" will prevail and you will become public enemy #1 (no friendship, no contact, nothing).

You should hang out with her again and not bring up the totally super cool make out sesh with her unless she brings it up. Apologize and admit that you have feelings for her, even though she has a boyfriend.
Don't just assume that every time you see her you're going to make out with her or something- just be respectful, as I am sure you are (You're a good man for not hooking up with her while you slept in her bed).

If word gets out to her boyfriend that you guys hooked up then you're possibly in the clear with her. Just don't jump right into a relationship! For reasons mentioned above.

She sounds really cool, so I hope things work out in your favor

[DavidDeAnge]

Just wait some months and see whats happen after all shes the one to invite you right?

Just keep hanging with her and see how it develops in the long run, if it clicks it clicks if it doesnt well then yoh can at least always be friends and that way you would not have hurt someone.

Just let the time and actions deside if you two are or will get a connection.

[sull43]

thanks for the advice, I have a feeling he is going to find out eventually and I was going to just let things play out. i doubt their love will prevail its just a matter of how long it takes.. I think there is some attraction going on. any other tips on how to not blow this dave?

[DavidDeAnge]

thanks for the advice, I have a feeling he is going to find out eventually and I was going to just let things play out. i doubt their love will prevail its just a matter of how long it takes.. I think there is some attraction going on. any other tips on how to not blow this dave?

First of remember that she still have feelings for her boyfriend so the best thing to do is just dont break the rules of just friendship because until you get the special connection you still just is her friend. As mesakz says dont ruin to much let her do her thing and by the looks of it she knows what she want.
That thing may be you if it feels right in her mind but until that just dont break the rules and when you break the wall of just being friends that is the time where these rules doesnt exsist in a big manner.

Until she breaks up you are still only friends and enjoy it and be nice and gentle and she may fall for you, that is the time you will shine.

[Raze]

She is not married so technically she's fair game......go for it.

Wrong. Actually, if you've looked with your eyes lately, lots of people are choosing to just be in a relationship rather than get married. Getting married is just a paper. If you were trying to steal my gf from me, I would confront you and tell you to piss off.

I hate this logic. You sound like someone from the babyboomer generation where everyone got married.

"Go for her if she doesn't have a rock on her finger." Get with the times, dude. I don't go out much, but I can at least keep up with current events.


Girl has BF. I have known girl since 2nd grade. Girl shows signs. I am lost.

I didn't need to read anymore other than this sentence. If she has a bf, piss off. You're not going to steal a girl from some dude or ruin a relationship. Leave her alone.

[sull43]

Im not really worried about this guy telling me to "piss off" seeing as he lives in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. Im not a violent person and will avoid fights but i would probably beat his ass if he tried to physically confront me about it. I didnt come here asking for advice on being a homewrecker. Also him telling me to piss off doesn't really take into consideration her feelings since she may as well say the same thing to him. neither you nor I know how she really feels about him. you cant predict the future that is why I came here asking what the best thing to do would be without causing world war iii. david makes an important point about taking my time because even if it turns out she doesnt have feelings for me i would still like to be friends with her

[DavidDeAnge]

Bealive me to wait and let time show what is meant to happen is better. Read my thread of my problem and you would know what I mean.

Not cause problems is the biggest rule if she wants to break up with him she does it without outside help because otherwise she will feel that you wanted this to happen.
So just enjoy being a friend with her try to be normal and if the time is right everything will go your way if it aint going your way you know you have at least her as a friend and you can move on without feeling some guilt.

[Raze]

Im not really worried about this guy telling me to "piss off" seeing as he lives in the middle of nowhere in the midwest. Im not a violent person and will avoid fights but i would probably beat his ass if he tried to physically confront me about it. I didnt come here asking for advice on being a homewrecker. Also him telling me to piss off doesn't really take into consideration her feelings since she may as well say the same thing to him. neither you nor I know how she really feels about him. you cant predict the future that is why I came here asking what the best thing to do would be without causing world war iii. david makes an important point about taking my time because even if it turns out she doesnt have feelings for me i would still like to be friends with her

What the hell? Have you listened to anything I've said? You're now being an asshole and saying that you will beat his ass for doing nothing wrong. DON'T DO IT, IDIOT!

[sull43]

I said IF HE PHYSICALLY CONFRONTED ME. I could care less about this guy and don't really care what he does when he finds out his girl was smoochin with me. But if he tried to beat me up for touching his girlfriend I wouldnt sit there and take it pal you are the ass hole and she is not married she is a 20 year old girl in college with a boyfriend that hasnt come out of the closet yet so she is fair game

[DavidDeAnge]

I said IF HE PHYSICALLY CONFRONTED ME. I could care less about this guy and don't really care what he does when he finds out his girl was smoochin with me. But if he tried to beat me up for touching his girlfriend I wouldnt sit there and take it pal you are the ass hole and she is not married she is a 20 year old girl in college with a boyfriend that hasnt come out of the closet yet so she is fair game

Just dont compromise the friendship you have, as I said as of know she is in a relationship accept that but hang out with her if its good wuth her-apperantly it is just dont rush anything as if you do she will understand it and maybe change the way she sees you on.

As of now ENJOY time with her dont do anything stupid because still if she doesnt want you as a bf she certainly dont want to loose the friendship you have neither do you I suspect.

Just be a normal friend if she wants the next step then there is only you who can accept/deny it depending of your feelings for her.

[sull43]

how will i know if she wants "the next step" and what is the next step

[DavidDeAnge]

I'll just say from my personal experience.

You two will get closer and closer to each other you will be the one to know about everything surrounding her life most importantly you will now how she feels about her bf and how she sees you. If u dont get a response from wait for it but if it takes to long you should consider saying what you feel for her but dont drop it like a bomb before you say it you need to know what you will say so you dont risk that your friendship ends. Wait for the right time but best thing is that you let her take care of it because of the fact she got a bf and that you dont want to risk your friendship.

The "next step" is a bit more complicated to talk about what it is because in my mind every relationship is unique in it own way, you will know when it clicks between you(if it does) and that will explain what the next step will be for you. As of now you are friends KEEP IT THAT WAY until you get more signs from her be sure to not take anything as a sign and get addicted of her.