Crazy about this girl, but afriad to ruin it

[tdg89]

Hi everyone!

I’ve fallen head over heels for a girl. But to better understand my situation, I need to tell a bit more about myself and my past (with girls).

I’m a 22 year old student. When I was around 12, I was struck by extreme shyness and insecurity. I didn’t even dare to go to a store because I might be obliged to talk to people! Talking to girls was definitely out of the question. When I was 16, I started to come out of my shell, though with very small steps at a time. At this moment, I don’t have a lot of trouble with talking to strangers. Though, I still find it hard to have conversations, longer than 15 minutes, with people I only know a little. I don’t know what to talk about and when those painful silences fall, I think it’s my fault. Sometimes I still catch myself evading certain people. My anxiety is purely social. I don’t have any trouble with skydiving, for instance. 2011 has been a pretty rough year on me and my loved ones, but I won’t bother you with the details.

I have an unsatisfactory past with girls. In the past few years I’ve been rejected several times when I felt the girls I asked out, were really interested in me. The most recent one was last summer. After that one, I didn’t feel like trying to build something with a girl. A girl has shown interest in me since then, but I didn’t react much to it. I just didn’t feel like it. After being heavily disappointed a few times, I didn’t want to put myself in that vulnerable position again. While still trying to fully overcome my social insecurity, those rejections didn’t do me a lot of good.

And now the main reason I started this thread.

There is this girl. She’s the younger sister of a teammate from my football team. This could become a problem later on, but it’s not relevant at this moment. This teammate is a great guy and we hang out with other people occasionally.

The girl is 20 years old. We’ve known each other for a few years but never talked. Since about 4 weeks, she visits the gym where I go to with a friend. This friend has known her better for a few years.

After last summer, I didn’t want it to happen, but I’m head over heels for this girl. I’ve tried to ‘forget’ her for a few days, but I just can’t. I think about her when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Throughout the day, I’m thinking about what she could be doing and where she is. We text or talk on Facebook about every 2 days. I don’t want to suffocate her, but I want to talk with her all day, every day. When we talk, we still try to learn more about each other.

In the beginning, I had to start the conversation but lately, she engages in conversation more than first. Sometimes she seems really interested and asks about things most people wouldn’t be interested in (yesterday she asked me about my subject for a presentation I gave at school). But at other moments, it’s like she tries to stop conversations all of a sudden. Sometimes we talk for an hour, sometimes she cuts the conversation of after 10 minutes.

Last week, she invited me to a boxing class she takes with 2 friends. I took the class with them yesterday and had a lot of fun. She and I shared a boxing bag and had some good laughs. I caught her looking at me and we laughed to each other. We started short, casual conversations and she seemed genuinely interested. Everything was right, even the small things made me happy; her handing me my towel and playfully complimenting me on exercises I did. After the class, we talked for 3 minutes while riding home. We both took another route than we usually do, so we didn’t ride alone. While she normally has a lot of energy, isn’t ashamed very fast and can be pretty loud, it’s like she’s very careful with what she says to me. For instance, she almost seemed embarrassed when I asked her about school. She seems different around me, though I’m not sure. What could this mean?

I want to flatter her and make her feel great but I really don’t know how. I try to act like a gentleman by doing the usual stuff (opening doors, complimenting her etc.) Should I try to be more aloof? I really don’t know how to take it from here and I’m scared to ruin it all. When I’m talking to her or when I’m with her, I feel great. When I’m not with her, I feel awful. I feel sad and angry and I just want to give up, but I don’t really know why. Shouldn’t I feel great because of her? What can I do to make her like me (if I may put it like this)? What should I do?

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my story.

[oldskool83]

she prob likes you or thinks your nice. you dont need to flatter her, and you shouldnt. just ask her if she wants to get some dinner one night after the gym or boxing class and go from there. your getting way ahead of yourself already freaking your self out.

and lastly there is nothing "YOU" can do to her like you. you shouldnt try to make her like you either, its either gonna happen or not, but the best way is lets just go get somthing to eat. is thats cool with her and you can pull 30 mins or an hour off with her at some place like taco bell then ask her again to go to a nicer place on a saturday a week later.

[bulrush]

If you want to flatter her, just do it once a day at first, otherwise you look a little needy. Talk about her boxing skill: what do you like about it? What would you like to learn with her? Asking her to teach you something new is a chance to spend time with her and get to now her.

And yes, I think she likes you. So ask her out.