attracting the wrong men?

[andstuff]

hi,

i have discovered a rather alarming trend, i seem to attract really rubbish men, with a stamp of loneliness on their face (IAmLookingForLove kind of expression), probably with boring lives, ones who instantly spring at me and wait for magical things to happen. or much older men, thats another option.

i, on the other hand, would prefer someone around my age (26), charismatic and fun and popular and good-looking, so i have no idea what i should change about myself (outwardly at least)

would be grateful for any tips at all. i want to stop attracting rubbish

cheeers in advance

[AnnonymousMan]

Those 'rubbish' men are probably attracted to EVERY girl so don't feel singled out. I doubt you need to change anything, just locate the guy, lock him in your crosshairs and fire a love bullet. =)

IOW quit waiting for the guys to be attracted to you and instead go for the guys.

[DecentDissident]

^ What he said.

My advice is to keep looking and be aware that there are oceans worth of these types of dudes out there. Pat yourself on the back for knowing how to spot them.

[devonbrown]

You also need to take a good honest look at yourself. People tend to attract people similar to themselves, so if you are putting out a negative or desperate vibe, that is probably what you are getting in response.

Just try being friendly and open with people. And stop being so judgmental. Maybe one of the "rubbish" guys you are talking about are actually very nice guys who would make a terrific partner for you. But if you have such a opinion of them from the get-go, you will only wind up losing out.

Good luck.

[andstuff]

cheers for replying

You also need to take a good honest look at yourself. People tend to attract people similar to themselves, so if you are putting out a negative or desperate vibe, that is probably what you are getting in response.

Just try being friendly and open with people. And stop being so judgmental. Maybe one of the "rubbish" guys you are talking about are actually very nice guys who would make a terrific partner for you. But if you have such a opinion of them from the get-go, you will only wind up losing out.

Good luck.

i am outwardly friendly, i just go mental when someone unattractive looks like he wants to jump my bones. and uh i'm good-looking too. as for nice guys - well, some people are considered more desirable than others, and i have no idea why i should pick up what's been unclaimed - surely something is wrong? they'd be taken if they were cool, surely.... decent stuff doesn't stay on the market for too long!!

[DecentDissident]

cheers for replying



i am outwardly friendly, i just go mental when someone unattractive looks like he wants to jump my bones. and uh i'm good-looking too. as for nice guys - well, some people are considered more desirable than others, and i have no idea why i should pick up what's been unclaimed - surely something is wrong? they'd be taken if they were cool, surely.... decent stuff doesn't stay on the market for too long!!

Not true. I'm a hell of a catch and I'm on the market. That mentality may be part of the problem.

[bulrush]

You might attract the wrong men, but you also CHOOSE to date them. Stop dating the wrong men, and choose better guys. What exactly do you want in a guy? Here's your list.

1. Charismatic
2. Fun
3. Popular
4. Good looking

You just described the main traits of all the players. The above are all "shallow" traits, anyone can act like this. No wonder your dating life is so awful. You are only attracted to players! Loosen up a bit, expand who you date, and you might find better quality men.

[andstuff]

You might attract the wrong men, but you also CHOOSE to date them. Stop dating the wrong men, and choose better guys. What exactly do you want in a guy? Here's your list.

1. Charismatic
2. Fun
3. Popular
4. Good looking

You just described the main traits of all the players. The above are all "shallow" traits, anyone can act like this. No wonder your dating life is so awful. You are only attracted to players! Loosen up a bit, expand who you date, and you might find better quality men.

well, the opposite would be

- average
- dull
- bad social skills
- not good-looking

anything desirable about this at all? well, i don't go out with rubbish, i just run away the second it approaches me. also, can you give me a reason why a good-looking girl (not showing off, just a fact) should be with someone who repels her organically? have always been curious. why do men feel entitled to admire women's beauty and the other way round is almost a taboo and "how dare she be so superficial?"

Not true. I'm a hell of a catch and I'm on the market. That mentality may be part of the problem.

well, what makes you stay on the market?

[DecentDissident]

Charismatic
Fun
Popular
Good looking

You just described the main traits of all the players. The above are all "shallow" traits, anyone can act like this. No wonder your dating life is so awful.

Wow. I'm sorry this is your outlook on men. Not all of us good looking, popular, charismatic, fun guys are players. I'm sure as hell not.

well, what makes you stay on the market?

See the above comment. Most women I meet seem to assume that since I come off as all of these there must be something wrong with me or that I am a player. Once they figure out im rich its usually over. They get REALLY insecure and typically will start playing mind games. Been happening to me most of my life. :-/

[DecentDissident]

Sorry to double post:

In my experience women say they want what you've illustrated, good looking, popular, fun etc... but seem to opt for the boring, needy, unkept, unemployed, world of Warcraft player or Ex-Meth addict.

Never understood this. That is why im still on the market.

[Leona77]

and i have no idea why i should pick up what's been unclaimed - surely something is wrong? they'd be taken if they were cool, surely.... decent stuff doesn't stay on the market for too long!!

If this is what you think about single people-THAT is your problem. You think the same of yourself. You think that if you are unclaimed then surely there must be something wrong with you. If you were cool you'd be taken!

Work on improving your self-worth and self-esteem and when you think you are good enough on your own, THAT's when you'll become attractive to decent peple!
I am single not because I am not worth, but because I am picky whom I date and I don't need a partner to 'complete' me at all cost and all the time.
Surely, being in a relationship is good, but not if you can't deal with being single FIRST!

Good look & I truly hope you'll learn to love yourself more very soon.

[andstuff]

If this is what you think about single people-THAT is your problem. You think the same of yourself. You think that if you are unclaimed then surely there must be something wrong with you. If you were cool you'd be taken!

Work on improving your self-worth and self-esteem and when you think you are good enough on your own, THAT's when you'll become attractive to decent peple!
I am single not because I am not worth, but because I am picky whom I date and I don't need a partner to 'complete' me at all cost and all the time.
Surely, being in a relationship is good, but not if you can't deal with being single FIRST!

Good look & I truly hope you'll learn to love yourself more very soon.

well, the reason i am on the market is best known to myself. love is a spiritual experience and not everyone is eligible to come close and share stuff. i just doubt i'm good enough for the cool ones because rubbish approaches me thats all. surely if they thought i was too good for them they wouldnt dare......

i can deal with worse things than being single. only i know it for a fact that a mad mutual dependency is the only state worth living one's life in. it is insanely beautiful, even though you probably think i talk just about dating and being together for obscure reasons.

i should be wishing you good luck, not the other way round

Wow. I'm sorry this is your outlook on men. Not all of us good looking, popular, charismatic, fun guys are players. I'm sure as hell not.

wow!! thank you for saying this. i actually thought this kind of outlook can only come from a man losing women to that type or women who could never get their hands on it!!

[Leona77]

surely if they thought i was too good for them they wouldnt dare......

Why do you need other people to define you? Who cares what THEY think? Why are you offended by someone you don't even know for approaching you. Maybe they have higher self-esteem than you and think they are just as good as youself. They might even think they are better than you . YOu mmight not agree, but they still can think that and there is nothing you can do about it. You can only change what YOU think of yourself.

mad mutual dependency is the only state worth living one's life in

Sorry, but I could not disagree more. I can perfectly live my life without mad mutual dependency. Sure, it would be great to find the love of my life and live happily ever after, but if it doesn't happen I won't think that it's because I'm not worth it, that's for sure! I call it picky, careful about whom you entrust your feelings to & patient as opposed to desperate.

If this is what you think, decent men can smell it from a mile & they'll run as fast as they can! Don't be surprised if desperate guys cling to you because you happen to have the same opinion of one self and share same values!
Nobody can love you until you learn how to love youself. I am sure you are a genuine, great girl, so just make sure you believe it too.

[Wakeup]

decent stuff doesn't stay on the market for too long!!

Oh, the irony!

So: What is not decent about yourself, andstuff that you're still on the market this long?
Where are you meeting these (In your opinion) old, washed up losers that gravitate to you?

[Kaius]

I totally agree with the posters above.

Crappy men and old dudes tend to go for women with low self-esteem because those are the easiest targets.
Women who are confident and superior tend to scare off crappy men and old dudes because men don't like to be rejected.

Easy targets for crappy dudes:

* Women who think lowly of themselves.
* Desperate women
* Overweight and unattractive women
* Uneducated women
* Drunk women
* Emotionally damaged women
* Women looking for a father figure or some unhealthy attachments

Coincidentally, women with the above characteristics tend to put out easily. It's sad.
So if you have self-respect, crappy men will avoid you. Simple.