Is this good to say when I approach this girl on Saturday?

[Tyler2442]

I see this girl at my church every Saturday at the 4:30pm and she is the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. I was thinking what to say and I was going to

ask her name and give her mine

ask why she comes into the cry room instead of the actual church (might jump start a conversation)

I was debating if I should tell her how pretty I think she looks. I think this is VERY risky because it depends. If I get a good vibe....I think I'm gonna say it.

What do you guys think? this a good idea or coming on to strong because I think I should but I want some other opinions.

This is my first time ever approaching a girl like this in public and I think it's pretty ballsy and takes alot of confidence and girls like that in a guy.

If not tell me what I should say please.

[Only-virgins]

The entire "Hi, my name is ______ and I think you are pretty" approach is gonna make her nervous. What the hell is the cry room? Do you cry your sins away there or something?

[vashti]

Cry Rooms are enclosed rooms where parents can take their crying children and listen to services instead of letting them disrupt the whole congregation.

Hey, kid - ask her if she belongs to the youth group. If she says no, encourage her to attend with you. If she says yes, tell her you were thinking of checking it out.

[GrkScorp]

If not tell me what I should say please.

I like everything you mentioned so far, it's very romantic and sweet; but it won't get you the girl.. so, do yourself the favor, and erase those ideas from your mind..

Before I go on to tell you what to do in terms of what to say to her, I want to tell you what to do in terms of how you should be thinking..

- Whatever you have in your mind as (sweet, nice, romantic) should NOT be used.. (save this for when you're on a date or in a relationship, not when you're first meeting someone)
- Tell yourself the following over and over again, until you believe it..

"I'm alive. That means my parents must have done something right. That means my genes have what it takes to survive and make it in society. I'm also a quality person. (Explore your unique qualities). I am also a fun & interesting person. A lot of people love me, and I can make people around me have a great time. That's who I am, that's what I do. I meet new people every day, but "I" don't let them into my life or social circle. If "I" allow "her" to come into my life and social circle, it will be the best thing that will happen to her. But i'm not about to let her in that easily; she has to prove to me that she's worth it, that she qualifies to such a high degree to be worthy of everything I have to offer."

- This is a state of mind, and if you're not in it before you go over and talk to "her" (whoever "her" is) you're in the wrong state of mind..

(She hears "Hi, my name is ___ what's yours?" & "you're so pretty" every day.. On top of that, she puts on this "difficult; I know i'm so hot" act that sends all the "boys" running back home.. All this does "when guys fall for it" is it puts her in the power-seat, she has full control, and she knows she can make you dance/do anything for her by a simple smile, or touch, or "aww" of hers.. and it's great for her ego, but it doesn't mean she likes you, (in fact, if she's "nice & polite" & "great-looking", she doesn't like you).. this will get her bored, and she'll eventually place you in the friend zone)

Great-looking women have the following semi-complex dilema:

- They're too good-looking (over-inflated ego of quality they offer), so they don't just want ANY guy, even if the guy is just as good-looking.. so they like to snub and act cold and reject often, (and sooner-or-later this becomes a test/filter mechanism to weed out the "weak" boys from the "strong" men)..
- Since she snubs so often, she RARELY gets guys to ask her out (in a non-creepy, non-needy, non-desperate way).. so of the guys who "jump/rush" to asking her out, she says "no" more of less, and is always in search of that ONE guy who she'll be itching to know if he wants her or not..

So.. that guy has to be you.. Don't be the loser who can't resist her looks and has to go over and MUST tell her how blown away he is.. no, please, just stop that.. you watch too many movies & television.. You have to be the guy who casually talks to her, for the fcuk of talking.. not because you like her (she hasn't DONE anything for you to like yet; she hasn't proved/qualified herself worthy enough yet or met your super-high standards, so there's no reason for you to be interested in her yet; this is attractive because it suggests that you're a high quality guy)..

So, enough with the theory.. what do you do?

- She's in church, on Saturday/Sunday, whatever.. just because she's there doesn't mean that she WANTS to be there.. it's very possible (highly likely) that it's just a "front".. it doesn't mean that she's a "good-girl".. even if she is, she still has urges.. even nuns had sex, (read Chauser).. She wakes up EVERY day, wanting to find some guy to sweep her off her feet.. and on every other day, she has her guard up.. but now she's in church, an almost impossible place to be "hit on".. so she feels safe & secure.. (this is your advantage)

1. You need a casual & indirect conversation starter "this will work even if her parents are there; that's how under the radar this is!.. so they won't go to her later and say (oh, I think that boy from church likes you)"
2. You go to close proximity to her (don't expect her to say anything to you or talk to you, it won't happen).. be happy (not overly happy, but not serious).. smile (don't over-do-it, be natural, not fake).. don't look at her, don't tilt your body her way, and come close to her with a purpose.. (if she feels you're comming close to her, but can't determine a legitimate purpose, she'll rationalize that you came there for HER, which is creepy, and unattractive).. so come there because you want to be closer/father away from the service, need someplace to sit down, need to put your jacket down because you don't feel like holding it.. etc..
3. Start talking (relax, you'll see how easy this is):

- "Is anyone sitting here? (start taking off your jacket; her: no) Great, you don't mind if I leave my jacket here? (just say it that way, don't say "I'm sorry" or "Is it O.K. if".. it's almost like she can't say "yes, I do mind".. her: no).. Thanks, i'll be right back, can you just watch my stuff for a second? (her: yeah sure).. (she's in church, lol.. she's almost socially forced to be polite, this is going to be how things are going to take place)

From there on, you're going to leave and head back; assess the situation.. if her parents are there, you have to come back after 10-15minutes (it's a long time if you're in church!) and if she doesn't say "that was long, etc" you can start the conversation again with some other excuse "sorry, they were blessing the water in the urinals, so there was a line".. OR! if there are no parents; you just wait it out.. wait it out until she's fairly isolated.. then come back.. and say "sorry.. blah blah.. but thanks for watching my stuff.. not that I should be worried about leaving my stuff around here, it's not like anyone would take anything.. you didn't take anything did you?"

It's a compliance bridge.. (you just got her to comply 3 times fairly quickly; you've tapped into her submissive-state, so conversation should flow naturally when you get back, PLUS she'll subconsciously respect you and be timid/polite). you NEED an ice-breaker before you can start with an opener in this situation.. this is church (there's no talking!).. so you need a sense of comfort, and that's what the second ice-breaker does..

The plus side.. DON'T RUSH.. she's there every Saturday/Sunday.. you'll see her again.. there's no need to one-shot this.. there's a lot less pressure.. so don't come off as "needy, pushy, desperate" by trying to get too far in one day.. (make short goals).. day 1: ice-breaker; day 2: opener (hey, it's you again, would you mind giving me your opinion on something, not now though, later, "imply because church is still going on").. DON'T RUSH! you're not needy.. you're NOT chasing her! you're there in church, and you just came back, and you're just passing time until church is over.. so don't overdo it with the chatting during church! just put yourself on the radar, make her aware of you, but then don't go looking for her attention or a chance to talk or come next to her.. (have someplace to be after church.. "you can seed these into the conversations and in her mind she'll have excuses to get you to ask her to join you" have things you need to confess about.. "makes her curious")

The Strategy:

Day-1: Ice-breaker (puts you on the radar as someone not-needy, not desperate, not pushy, but fun, funny, just as bored as her, and someone she can be comfortable with during church)

Day-2: Opener (give you an excuse to talk to her after church is over; where you can actually TALK more comfortably; and hopefully.. if you've seeded where you're going to AFTER church (ex: lunch, brunch, etc) she may imply, that she would like to join you "she'll imply and suggest it, she won't explicitly say it; YOU'LL have to be a man about it and pick up on her hints and offer it".. (ex: somethere in the convo "I actually love ___.. and today's my lucky day, because i'm actually meeting some old friends there after here"... later when you go outside church "you remember that place I was telling you about? I have to show it to you, you have to take your parents there/go there one day.. it's great..".. you're not PUSHING to her to come, but it's an excuse for her to tag along if she wants to and comfortable enough so she doesn't feel like it's too awkward that she's about to have lunch with you, but as you're walking there, you can then say, well, hey, come inside, I actually can't stay for long anyway.. but we're all going to order something, so you can try everything out.. and I don't know about you, but I have to head back home, busy night tonight (seed again))..

Day-2/X- #close.. you can do this on day-2 if you want.. the trick is to do alot of seeding.. don't brag about how interesting your life is, instead imply it quickly! you have to be places, you're going places today, blah blah.. and then after your opener and conversation stacks.. "i'd let you tag along so I can show you where this place is, but i'm actually in a hurry, sorry.. some other time though.. thanks for your opinion though.. it was fun talking.. definitely makes Sunday/Saturday morning a little less boring.. we'll talk again.. bye/later" (yes, this is a number close.. if she wants to, she'll give it to you.. assuming you've seeded correctly.. if not.. no big deal.. because you didn't beg for her number.. you'll see her & talk to her again.. the idea is to NOT be desperate, it's not romantic, it's creepy & unattractive.. be CONFIDENT, have a life! Have such a great life & be such a fun person that (you don't NEED her), and she'll see that and (want to be part of your life & have what you have to offer).. It's all subtle subcomminucation.. but it's powerful.. so just do it.. good luck!

[bohemiandonut]

Just thought I'd let everyone know, I'm gearing up to read GrkScorp's post. ::cracks knuckles::

His... entire post.

[bohemiandonut]

Okay I think it all basically boils down to this:

"Make yourself so obscenely confident and enviable that people can't help but seek your approval by any means necessary. Do this by unlearning everything you know and becoming everything you fear."

[Only-virgins]

Cry Rooms are enclosed rooms where parents can take their crying children and listen to services instead of letting them disrupt the whole congregation.

Add another retarded thing to religion. Check.

"Make yourself so obscenely confident and enviable that people can't help but seek your approval by any means necessary. Do this by unlearning everything you know and becoming everything you fear."

That has nothing to do with religion but it is so stupid that it should be. You shouldn't become what you fear, you shouldn't fear anything in the first place.

[LostNotFound]

when you have a crush on someone you always imagine conversations that haven't happened.

and i also agree that the hi my name is and i think your pretty thing will creep her out. one step at a time dude

[IndiReloaded]

Do this by unlearning everything you know and becoming everything you fear.

GS should fear his useful info is going to get lost in the noise of his writer's diarrhea.

Seriously, GS, overstating a point is NOT a virtue. Unless you enjoy spewing to the masses, you should try to distill your ideas better. There are ppl here who write for a living and their posts are much shorter than yours. Half the time I have you on 'ignore' just so I can get through a thread you've posted in.

[IndiReloaded]

ask why she comes into the cry room instead of the actual church (might jump start a conversation)

This isn't bad to say once you've introduced yourself. Don't mention anything about her looks right away. You might compliment an article of clothing, her shoes, or something in her hair if appropriate.

If she's receptive, ask if she'd like to sit beside you sometime.

[boobaa]

While scorps post is overly informative and useful and he is probably right etc, I do think that those kinds of sneaky strategies are somewhat.... I don't know, sneaky and cruel. But then again, the intentions are good. The thing is that you won't be yourself that way, instead you are something that is written in the Internet. You might give out wrong impression or you just might set things off in long term.
I think these things can be called the games, which sounds overly stupid. But yeah, maybe there are no other ways to approach her.. Gosh, why women need to play and be so pointlessly complicated that long instruction manuals are needed to get to them? Kinda makes me want to turn gay, no stupid limitations.

Although I don't know what else you should do.. I don't have any advice besides this and I don't know anything about churches, so..

[vashti]

I think these things can be called the games, which sounds overly stupid. But yeah, maybe there are no other ways to approach her.. Gosh, why women need to play and be so pointlessly complicated that long instruction manuals are needed to get to them? Kinda makes me want to turn gay, no stupid limitations.

I think you will find that the females of this board do not approve of Grk's game-playing, and in fact, we don't even bother reading his advice most of the time.

Also, on this board, the people who have advocated game playing have tended to be male.

[misombra]

tedel, if you can pick up on vibes, then you're five steps ahead of the average male.

[GrkScorp]

GS should fear his useful info is going to get lost in the noise of his writer's diarrhea.

Not at all.. i'd rather someone absorb every last detail if length is the price to pay, rather than someone being lost, misunderstanding, or filling in the gaps with his own ideas, just to be short and simple..

I've never had to hit on a girl in church, but if I had to, that's how I would do it.. But more than the right state of mind (main point), the reader most likely has love-blinders on, so there's an obvious need to spell out the adversarial psyche', boobie-traps, dead-ends, road-blocks, etc.. Plus it's a unique situation, not a good talking environment..

Anyway.. in the future (for the OP guy).. you have to internalize that state of mind as a reality (but not in an arrogant way), along with the principles (you'll simply FEEL it after a while).. and "what to do?" will be almost instant and natural..

Dimitri: This is a friend of mine who has a strategy a tad bit awkward.. When he meets someone he likes, he takes it as a given (and as a fact) that SHE likes HIM.. (even if they haven't talked yet, even if she hasn't even seen him yet!).. he also tells himself that he doesn't like her yet.. (even though he's hitting on her).. why?

Because his first two girlfriends (which he liked) were won over this way.. he didn't really like them, but they really liked him (but were not sure if he liked them).. then tension and mystery was so huge (since he was still talking to them) that he would actually reach the point where they would just be frustrated (and wanted to leave, to save their ego).. that's when he'd tell them (hey.. I just wanted to tell you.. I know how you feel about me.. but before you say "no, what? I don't know what you're talking about".. I like you too)..

And you know what? It actually works for him.. because he's convinced himself though going into that state of mind, that this message radiates through his voice, body, face, and even conversation.. I don't suggest it though.. But, whatever works for you..

Just remember, it's not about WHAT you say.. it's about HOW you say it.. more importantly.. it's not about what you say with your MOUTH.. but what everything else says (body, voice tone, face, speed of voice, EYES!!!)

[Tedel]

tedel, if you can pick up on vibes, then you're five steps ahead of the average male.

Sometimes yes, sometimes I just don't notice,

Just kidding. I read that long post and I was really surprised...

1. for the patience to write it (don't you work, dude? )
2. for the accuracy of the imaginary situation
3. because it might even work.

For the original poster, I'd say don't try to hit in a church... it's just of bad taste. Find what group she's in and just join it, talking to someone else (and not her) to join the group. She'll get surprised to see you there... and you will likely have to pray as well.