Concerned about girlfriend

[therealjag]

Hey there,

I have written in here many times before but this is the first i've written in a while. I've not written in ages because i've felt like ppl here have probably had enough about hearing my problems but i need somewhere to vent as i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about it.

my girlfriend and myself have had losts of problems over the past 1.5 years, some caused by me and some by her but i finally plucked up the courage to end it with her. we have a long distance relationship right now and i was supposed to see her this weekend but after all the arguing etc, ive finally decided no i cant and i've told her this.

last night she begged me to go see her but i said no because thers no point. whenever we try to fix things or sort things out, they never get sorted and we just end up in circles all the time and its really getting me down. i hate hurting her all the time and she doesnt see how she hurts me - she always blames me for everything that goes wrong in our relationship and i cant deal with it anymore.

she actually thinks im cheating on her now which annoys me even more and she said because i wont see her shes gona make my life hell by:

1 - cheating on me
2 - saying stuff to my faimly
3 - after she's done all she can to hurt me, shes gona kill herself so she doesnt have to live with what shes done.

i had a word with her last night and even though ses 21, i told her she is being immature and its time she grew up and realised that she cant always get things her own way and lash out when she doesnt. but she just doesnt care. she said she cut her own arms last night and her mum caught her and slapped her. her parents i believe are just ar*eho*es and i think dont really care about her. i mean if i seen my daughter do that to herself i wouldnt slap her i'd try to help her. anyway shes hell bent on this plan and there seems nothing i can do to stop her. her brothers even seen what she done and they dont even care. i hate the fact that her family just dont give a toss, that really winds me up the most.

i wish i could just stop caring but i cant. i've known her for almost 2 years now and although i want to break up with her i want to know that even though she'll be hurting, that she'll be ok - but i dont know. i fear the worst and its making me think i should just give things another go - even if it means sacrificing a lot for her....

any advice or anything would be great because i really dont know what to do at the moment. i was thinking of just going to the police and telling them everything and showing them the texts about her wanting to kill herself. is this a good idea?

[therealjag]

Whoa man thanks for the reply. Some parts of the girl you described closely follow my girlfriend aswell. she wasnt raped as a child but she did almost get raped once and get touched up aswell by a man who was staying with her faimly when she was around 11. I think it had an effect on her but i think on top of that when her parents got divorced, her mum and dad put her in the middle and her mum blames her a bit for splitting them up.. man its so sad and i just cant help but feel sorry for her, i guess its why ive been with her so long because i feel guilty and make myself think that she deserves proper love and care that she lost after the divorce and that incident.

but yeah, she is the same in the other sense too, constant need for re-assurance, out of nowhere throws tantrums or gets upset and expects me to deal with it.usually i can but it takes its toll on me. and the worst thing is that maybe i could have been there for her and supported her and gave her love but my parents and her parents are against the relationship due to us being different religions and over time i can now see why they feel this way and its had an effect on me too. it has made me confused and this has made her feel even more insecure. i know her parents know whats going on. but i dont think i can deal with her anymore. i'm just gona go to the police and ask them what the best thing is to do....

btw she has been seeing a councellor at her college but shes a free councellor and she doesnt really offer her proper advice like a paid one would...maybe she needs better therapy...

[pamhol]

It's so sad to see that her family is not doing much in caring for her. Does she has any gal friends who are close with her?

Looks like her attitude can be influenced by her past "trauma", that she's feeling unloved and needed constant reassurance. From your post you seemed to still care ...any other help, like community counsellor which can offer better service?