Falling out of love?

[sos]

Hey there, so here's the deal. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a couple of months. Now things haven't been the smoothest of times, in the past year we've tackled a lot of deep stuff together. She was Raped and she also suffers from an eating disorder. But i took it, i held her because i loved her, so much. Not because it was valiant, or because i was the only one there (she doesn't have any other friends or real contacts apart from me). But we've managed to get past all that up to this point. It started happening around New Years/Christmas time (Our anniversary). It just didn't feel the same, the feelings were different. We have both changed quite a lot since then, but i still have feelings for her. She still makes me smile, makes me laugh, but we both feel really distant. I don't really get the same strong feeling like we used to have, we don't talk as intensely as we used to, there's not much to talk about. She still loves me with everything she has, and i really really want to feel the same. I care for her, but not as strongly as i used to. It's breaking my heart, i never wanted things to be this way and it's keeping me up at night. I've read countless threads similar to my problem, and i've just been trying to figure it out.

Is it worth working on? I want it so bad, unbelivably bad. I've never cried so hard, and i'm an emotional person. Is it just 'the honeymoon' period is over? Does it just need work? Is it just routine, too familar? Can i do anything at all?

I know this is a lot to ask for advice, and i appreciate it a lot if you've read up to this point. But it would help me greatly to get an experienced opinion or something similar.

Thanks again.

Edit: Can i just say i've told her everything i feel if it means anything. But lately it's becoming harder and harder to tell her things, she feels the same.

[King Zarathu]

It seems like her eating disorder was specifically because she was raped. Subconciously, it would make sense to think that if she was ugly nobody would want to rape her again.

Given this, it seems like she will have many psychological issues, and you're heading for trouble unless she can grab some help.

Also, crying and all that drama is extremely unnecessary. When things just unroll like that and you both don't talk as much and whatnot, it just shows what's going to happen later.

Imagine what it will be like in another 10 years. I can tell you're young by the way you type, and do you really think you're going to spend the rest of your life with this girl? If not, why waste your time?

[clynn]

It is normal to feel more kind of 'bland' once the honeymoon period has faded.
And, since you're young....and you're not thinking of marriage or anything more serious yet.......then you might not have new plans to look forward to and to think about.

Maybe the two of you just need a break = to think about your own independent selves for a while?

[vashti]

It looks like once she didn't need rescuing anymore, you lost interest. You may want to explore whether or not you have a need to be a hero or whether or not you thrive on drama.

Other than that, it sounds like you may just be outgrowing each other. How old are you?

[confused01]

i went through the smae experience he changed after quite sometime, there was no more conversation, and if it is it was always me talking him being in his onw world i believe, i broke up with him this year after longterm relationship and willing to get married i decided not. it felt my life will be the same forever no taste, no flavour, i'm emotional too and i suffered a lot but when i was convinced that it is not working i do not suffer anymore i moved on so fast.
i do not regrette it because i believe i grew up faster trying to undrstand the world and i invested a lot of my time,feelings.... etc he didn't invest too much he was happy with whatever i did i wasn't too much.
anyway what i'm saying is if you think she can cooaporate and discuss thing with you then it should work because you have to be in this together not only from one side.
when it's only you investing your time, money, emotions feelings... etc it won't work for you because you'll be tired of it. you won't like it anymore.
this is from my experience but it depends on the person

[xwfuro]

plain and simple people change and especially when your young. Relationships take more than just love in a long run thing. More importntly maybe you are looking for something different? and that is starting to show...

[XPixiedustX]

I think what your going through is normal. After being through all tha she must have matured a lot. Sure people change, if you really want to be with her, then work on it. Maybe spend more time with her, do stuff that the two of you enjoy. I was in a three year relationship, and after a year and a half or so we fell into a phase where love didn't feel like love anymore. Not because we didn't love each other, but because the love had matured, and it wasn't as intense, as in the "honeymoon period". I thin it becomes easy to think that the love has "fizzed out" but I think after being through all that with her, your love can't just vanish.
You guys just need to rediscover each other. Unless like some other people have said, your not too serious about this girl, it doesn't seem like it though...so just work on it, and stop questioning it, cuz if you keep feeling your falling outta love and start accepting it, it'll only tear you guys furthur apart.

[sos]

Thanks you guys, i'm 18 by the way. So yes, i am fairly young and i do reliase i've got a lot of learning to go through and what not. We're really going to try at it, it's something i believe can work. Her Eating Disorder was before i met her and before the rape, as far i know it has nothing to do with that. She is getting help for it, and she's getting better.

Thanks again you guys, i really appreciate, well we both do.

[Lynx3]

Nothing to talk about? You're suppose to go places and see things! That'll make the relationship stronger and you'll have something to talk about. Do you spend a lot of time with her?

[sos]

Yes i do, but to be honest it's not very lively. It's normally sitting in her room, or my room and doing nothing much at all. But i do reliase that going out is important and seeing things, and we're going to try and do that too.

Thanks again.

[Chlorine]

sos-----"It's normally sitting in her room, or my room and doing nothing much at all. "

Do you guys have a common interest? Other than each other? Join an activity together, it'll give you something to talk about.

[clynn]

Also...it is important to spend time together doing interesting things.

AND to spend time apart doing interesting things.

[pinkpuca84]

absolutely agree with clynn !!! u must sometimes do other things, apart from others. that will give u time to miss each other, and hings to talk about later when u two meet up.

[sos]

Ok, i know this is like beating a dead horse, but it's quite painful now lol. I'm just so confused, at times i feel like she's my world, and others i'm so doubtful. Is this all part of growing up? Being in a long term relationship? Should i end this?

Thanks

[clynn]

I think that having doubts is normal.

But it doesn't mean you have to stay together either.

Do what feels right.

You may want to ask her for a "Break". See what it feels like.