I had an affair........

[vole]

I've resulted into asking my problem on a forum..........2 years ago I had an affair with a girl at work, we saw each other loads, went all over the UK, we were in Love and got caught out in October 2009. Since then we rented our house and my wife went to her parents and I have to. The girl I had the affair with promised all sorts but generally did nothing and still to this day lives at home but contacts me pretty much every two weeks which i ignore.

My wife is amazing, she wants to work at things and we have tried on and off all during 2010. Each time we try I get guilty feelings, being around her reminds me of the other girl and I feel sick and depressed. Anything reminds me of the girl such as places we've been, things we listened to etc etc.

My wife wants to rent somewhere together and give it a shot, I do love her no matter what anyone says, I'd love to be with her but I really find this difficult to destroy the memories and guilt. I know people say it will get easier but I really do find it hard. It sounds so selfish this after I'm the one thats done wrong yet my amazing wife wants to forgive and forget and move on.

I saw my mother in law for the first time in over a year, she basically said she would not want her daughter getting back with me as she don't trust me and wants her to move on. I've got all that in my mind to with regards what my wifes family and friends think.

I am really stuck, I don't know whats for the best, let her move on or try again knowing that I get very upset, panic and have these crap memories

x

[doppelgaenger]

Conscience is a bitch!

If your wife has forgiven you, then you should forgive yourself and let bygones be bygones. Otherwise, you need to come clean with your wife and maybe try for permanent separation. You will have to seek out some form of redemption to counterbalance your bad memories.

[xxazurexx]

I'd want you to allow me to move on

I've met some fantastic men since my hubby had an affair and walked out...men I'd never have met if he was still stuck at home with me...yaWWWnn

YES...we do get over you cheating blokes you know...our lives do not end ..in fact they get better

[vole]

But thats the thing, she wants to make a go of it......her words.....bite the bullet and make a go at things.

She ain't saying she wants to move on without me

[xxazurexx]

But thats the thing, she wants to make a go of it......her words.....bite the bullet and make a go at things.

She ain't saying she wants to move on without me

Well ...that is because she probably thinks her life ends if you leave. If she knew what awaited her, she'd want you to leave her alone. lol

Seriously...if she's willing to forgive you and let it go, then your a lucky guy in that she will give you a second chance. If you want to be with her, go for it. Get some counselling you know, where you both attend and you can talk over your feelings.

[misombra]

sounds like you would like to move on.

she is really trying to just forgive you? are you rich or something?

[xxazurexx]

^Kinda what I was thinking. He's doubtful about giving it a go whereas other men who still loved their wives would be joyous he was getting another chance.

[vole]

You obviously dont understand, until you can experience my corner you wont know. Memory is a powerful thing and I don't want to mess her around if I'll never get over this guilt and not be myself around her

[vashti]

If you don't plan to repeat the behavior, and she is willing to forgive you, I don't really understand what you want. No one can erase your memories. You will have to learn to make peace with them, and running away won't make them disappear, either.

[sweetkissesforu]

I think that both should attend counselling

[carl1222]

You're a real piece of work, vole ... YOU f**k up, and your wife gives you the gift of forgiveness. Instead of thanking your lucky stars for being given a second chance, you burden this wonderful woman with the fallout from YOUR guilt.

Does it have to be all about you? Man up and suffer in silence ... she doesn't deserve one more ounce of your bulls**t.

Carl.

[HeartIsAching]

If your wife wants to make a go of it, and if YOU want to make a go of it, then try - but get some counseling. Don't play at it, either. You have to want it for real. You need to address the reasons you did it to begin with, and you have to address the hurt you've done your wife, and ways to atone and more importantly, ways to regain her trust.

[hello1]

This is one of the most pathetic posts I ever seen. You cheated on your wife, you fell in love with another woman yet your wife is willing to give you another shot and now your not sure as you feel guilty?

I believe that is just an excuse you made up in your head. Leave your wife, yeah don't be a coward which you were before and just end it. You obviously do not care

[Neuro]

Your wife doesn't really want to be with you. She is in such shock that she cannot decide for herself. Give her space and time, and she'll get over you.

As for you, well, I could offer advice, but I don't really feel like it. You brought this upon yourself. Get yourself out of it just like you got yourself into it.

Difficult?!?! Well, yes. Didn't think it would be when you decided to lie and cheat... and now you're asking for advice?? Did you ask for advice when you were about to cheat??