What is the next step?

[L-Dawg]

Hi,

I've been on and off with a girl for about 2 years, lately it has been off, and she even dated another guy for a while, but that's over now as far as I can gather.

Basically, the girl has told me she is moving overseas, and we tried to maintain a friendship, however I couldn't as I was still in love with the girl, and she rejected all of my advances saying she didn't feel attracted to me anymore.

For her 21st, I made her an album, with all the places we went to while we were together, it had roughly 30 different destinations, and little subtitles and such.. at the beginning of it I had a subtitle saying "The Beginning..." followed by photos of us when we first met at the beginning of high schooll.. at the end of the album I had a subtitle which said "The End..?" followed by a letter which explained to her how I still loved her, how I would move overseas in a heartbeat if she loved me, how I wanted her to be happy, and also that she needed to stop contacting me unless she wanted to be with me, because all it does is lead me on.

She didn't contact me for several days, then one day whilst I was out, she sent me a message on MSN saying "hi how are you?", the next I replied by email saying I'm sorry I missed her message but to please respect what I said in the album, the next day she messaged me again while I was out on MSN saying "i'm sorry for contacting you the other day.. and now.. i've been feeling down", so again I wrote her an e-mail saying that I was sorry to hear that she had been feeling down and that I hoped she would feel better soon, but at the same time I'm not sure why you're telling me this, and I also explained that if she was feeling down because we weren't together she had every opportunity to change it or try to change it. I also said I was trying to do the right thing, and that it would be up to her to take a leap if she wanted to change things. I also told her it would be the last email I would write her, as I couldn't keep doing this unless there was something between us.

An entire week passed, and I thought that she had made up her mind, and moved on or made her decision or whatever... but today I received a message from her saying "hey u right to talk yet or should i still not talk to u under those same circumstances?".. this is really starting to confuse me as I have made things pretty clear, and I don't know if she's not taking me seriously, or if subconsciously she still wants to be with me or what is going on? I don't know if I should even reply to this message, or maybe reply by e-mail or face to face or something and tell her yet again.. but the thing is I can recall 5 times where I've told her by letters or e-mails that her talking to me leads me on and that if she doesn't want to be with me she shouldn't contact me, yet it still continues to happen.

I don't know if she is sending mixed signals, or if I'm making them up, or what is going on.. I am very confused and unsure what to do.. Can anyone please help?

[Yacker]

What you need to do is not reply to her. She keeps testing you. Once you don't reply she'll stop and realize that she needs to stop until she realizes she needs to meet your criteria to get back together with you or give you lots of space so you can move on. Only reason you are responding is because you think there is hope but she keeps giving you these mixed signals so now you have to take initiative and not talk to her. She'll understand what you need once you start doing what you need.

I had to do this with a girl myself and she did the exact same things until i told her harshly, "get out of my life." Basically that happened because my emotions got to me during the whole try to be friends stage and I found out too much information about her and her doings. She would send an occasional email about some event like once a week after that but I never responded. Eventually she has stopped contact altogether. You need to protect yourself from that especially since you want to feel better and need to move on. Let me tell you that since I haven't talked to her in the past 1 1/2 months I feel heaps better and a lot more stable emotionally in my life. I'd like to think someday maybe she'll come around but for now I can't be in her life with her doing what she was doing to me because I loved her very much.