Feeling a little lost...

[catsfan222]

Hi Everyone,

I just keep having really frustrating fights with my girlfriend of 2 years and don't really know what to do. Some background: She is in Italy studying abroad while I am back on campus. I have really missed her (which is Ok in my opinion) and sometimes get sad here waiting. I let her know that I am feeling that way and she sometimes views it as clingy. I might be saying I love you more. Honestly, I definitely am... I just want to hear it back I guess. We keep having problems because whenever I have any negative or sad emotion and try to reach out to her she ignores it and pretends everything is fine. This just makes me intensify that emotion in hopes that she will acknowledge it? She doesn't though and eventually it gets to the point where I am not even sad about the emotion anymore. I am just sad that she refuses to acknowledge any of my feelings... She has been there for me through lots of hard times (and I have been there for her through her own problems as well) and I feel like she doesn't want to be that person anymore. She is really my best friend and I want more than anything to make things work between us... The problem I guess is that she has the ability to make me very very happy or, alternatively, bring me down to a state of overwhelmed depression. I just don't know how I approach her anymore. I like to think I am good at having these kinds of conversations. I have brought the problem of her not acknowledging or trying to work with me on any of this several times and it never seems to go anywhere... She just gets mad at me at this point. I guess I am confused as to what I should do at this point? How do you get through to someone who is blocking you off like this? It's so frustrating...

-Lost in forever

[bloodtippedrose]

Uh oh, sounds like shes making excuses and doesn't want to work on the relationship. Its natural to miss someone you love and for her not to miss you and view you as clingy means that she is getting her love and belonging needs met somewhere else. Either shes seeing someone or shes hanging out with friends all the time.
This is a red flag. The only time I ever felt like my bf was being too clingy was when I was not all that interested in staying with him.

I don't know though, maybe you ARE being too clingy which is a total turnoff for anybody. If you're always mopey and always missing her then you need to get yourself a hobby and keep yourself busy because talking to you would be a real downer otherwise and seem pathetic that you don't have anything else going for you.

If its you or if its her is still irrelevant to her not wanting to work with you on fixing it. You're not in this relationship alone. There are underlying reasons why shes avoiding facing or acknowledging the issue, do you trust her?

[catsfan222]

I do trust her. I am sure she is not seeing anyone else. I think it comes down to the fact that guys aren't supposed to have emotions. Or show them I guess. She just doesn't like seeing me that way... I suppose that people are hardwired that way, but I can't help but feel like it's stupid. Especially in this day and age... I don't know. I guess I am just going to have to "be the man." I just wonder if I can live my whole life with someone who refuses to acknowledge my feelings and emotions? Do you think she will grow out of this as we get closer or am I doomed?