New Future but past haunts me. Help.

[Ellecee3]

I have met what I believe my future husband.
we fell madly in love, super fast, everything
feels completely normal and perfect and how it should.
we have both had really bad previous relationships and know
exactly what we are both looking for In a wife/husband.

he's everything I've ever wanted and I mean that. We
have recently become engaged and we talk non stop of our marriage
and our new life together and we are both so excited. except! one
thing: two nights after we have become engaged, I started having vivid (not sexual)
dreams about my ex. My ex hasn't crossed my mind in ages and yet
the dreams I had about him brought back so much angst and hard feelings.
It hit me hard when I woke up the next morning but figured
it was just bad timing and to go about my life. except
I can't!! It has brought back soooo many feelings (mostly bad) and
resurfaced the issues that I never really got over
and pushed aside. It's a viscous cycle. the minute I fall asleep
my ex is in my dreams somehow and then the next day
in my conscience thoughts because of the night before.

it's taking my distraction away from my fiancé
and my new life and it's starting to make me question
if this is happening for a reason. On top of that, my ex and I haven't
talked in a long time and in the midst of all this going on, he
out of the blue messaged me and told me he missed me.


has anyone ever had this happen? what did you do?
and what is everyone's thoughts on this situation?

I always thought dreams were our own personal
messages and I'm scared that to be the case.

please help.

[basilandthyme]

I still have occasional bad dreams of my ex husband - and we divorced a little over 20 years ago. So, ya, they don't leave easily. Thing is though, I wake up and see my new hubby laying next to me and I just feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

Anyway, I'm guessing you're not feeling relief when you wake. So, what issues have resurfaced for you? And how do you feel when you think about those issues?

[smackie9]

If you never addressed those issues, maybe a little counseling might help flush away those emotions into the past, so you can resume happily with your pending nuptials.

[Rowen]

I agree with both ladies who posted. Definitely, there are some issues which need to be worked on. However, I'm also curious about whether or not you got any closure with him? Did you ever get the chance to tell him exactly how you feel about all the hurt he caused just to get it out so it doesn't bother you anymore?

I only bring this up because the man I love very much, my ex-boyfriend David, used to have the occasional memory dream as well like that. And for him it brought up a lot of angst just like it has for you because he didn't want to have them, especially while we were together. Nonetheless, I always felt it may have had partly to do with how things ended with them, as his ex had basically sent him an email telling him it was over and ignored him/cut him out of his life entirely without so much as a reason why... It led David to go for months wondering what changed so drastically, and he never got to actually let out, once and for all, how much it hurt him. He had to move on without that until years later he met me.

I'm not sure if you had a chance at closure, but perhaps that could be a possibility? :S

[4 ratties]

Your ex was a big part of your life at one time, so I think dreams about him would be normal. If your ex is contacting you then u need to block him because that is very deceitful to your fiance because u are entertaining the thought that u may still love your ex and its not fair to your current guy. Do some serious soul searching on what u wanna do because being hung up on your ex,will start to negatively affect your cur rent relationship.