Toying with feelings?

[Emy711]

I had developed feelings for my friend. We were once intimate for a short period of time until he said he wanted to build a friendship into a relationship and it's best not to sleep together. If things are to happen they will fall into place.

Since then we kept our friendship. I've kept distance to help me emotionally. Once I do, he comes on stronger by messaging me when he wakes up and wanting to hang out more. I just keep reminding myself we are good friends. He has made me dinner and had me spend the night in his bed a couple times during the last month or two. WE don't have sex and he tells me to behave when we go to sleep, as if i may make a move.

This past week, he has sent some sexual messages to me- more or less indicating he wants sex with me. I was suppose to go over for dinner the other night and he cancelled the day of and said we will do it another time if I'd like. Most people would say there is another girl but that is far from the case. He is very systematic and focused with school. nothing to hide. If he is busy- he doesn't text and always is prompt to answer me. We text that whole night but he when I made a sexual comment he told me I was being bad and it seemed he tried to steer away from it.

I don't want to read into anything but why say he wants to be friends and then toy with me by sending me sexual messages after being so persistent on just friends and no sex?

[TheEvilJester]

If I am understanding this correctly, he makes you feel bad for it any time you even so much as suggest anything sexual..... yet then he will turn around and say sexual things to you and/or imply a possible hook-up?

Yeah, I would personally definitely think he is toying with your emotions. That is NOT okay. Not in the slightest. Here's the thing, if he honest to God did feel that you'd be better just being friends for now and to see where that goes, that would be perfectly okay. It WOULD be if he stuck to that and wasn't playing games with you. But, it seems like one day he'll act all buddy buddy with you like you are just two good chums and the next day he'll suddenly act like a casanova, flirting and trying to "get in your pants," so to speak.

That is not okay. If he wants to be just friends, he needs to stick with that. If he wants to be more than friends, he needs to stick with that. Hell, IF he meant it when he said it but is now feeling he wants more, even that really is okay as long as he is honest with you about it. Again, I will say what is NOT okay is to toy around with you like this.

So, frankly, you would NOT be wrong to put an end to any kind of relationship with this fella, romantic or otherwise, if you think that may just be better. On the other hand, if you'd rather try to keep him (either as a friend or potentially more) than you could just have a serious conversation with him about it. With a level-head. As much as you can, don't let it become an argument, it should just be a discussion. Just basically tell him that you feel like he is giving you mixed signals and that doesn't work for you. That he needs to be up front and honest about what he wants, and that he needs to stick to it. That, maybe he doesn't realize he does it or maybe he doesn't mean to, but it messes with your head and you're not sure where you stand.

Good luck to you either way. Just as anybody would, you deserve somebody who would be falling all over themselves to be with you, not somebody who would play immature games like this.