From Hook-up to friendship

[FionaMarie]

Is that possible? Any advice on how to make it work?

Background is that I met this guy at the beginning of fall semester. We hit it off well and in a very short time. I met his group of friends and basically we all got along really well. So far so good. One night we went out as a group and being drunk as we were him and I started making out, he told me he liked me and something like that(whatever he meant saying that) hadn't happened to him in a long time. I later went back to his place because I live quite far away from the city center. That night and for quite a long part of the next day(it was Sunday) we were just kissing and cuddling and talking, when I left I saw the pictures of his girlfriend on his desk, the wall. When we were out another night with mutual friends we accidentally met his girlfriend's bff and afterwards he finally talked to me about having a girlfriend. I don't want to blame it on alcohol but I did make out with him three times after I knew that he had a girlfriend. I am not proud of that but it happened. But even though I slept in his place, nothing more ever happened. So now I guess both him and I started realizing that nothing good was ever going to come out of what we were doing and started ignoring each other. But since we have quite some mutual friends, things are a little awkward. And even though we don't hook up anymore, we don't really speak to each other anymore which is sad since we got along really well.
So basically I would like to get some advice on how to proceed. Do I just give it time and hope that things will go back to normal? Do I tell him that I'm happy with the way things are and that I hope that we can patch up the friendship despite what happened between us?

Thanks in advance

Fiona

[basilandthyme]

FionaMarie, given that you were making out with him while he had a girlfriend, the respectful thing would be to just continue in your life without him. If he's at a mutual friend's place, be cordial but nothing more.

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you discovered that the person your boyfriend has as a friend was once a fling he cheated on you with?

[FionaMarie]

Well I was aiming at reducing the awkwardness, it's a small group of friends, just about 6-7 people. You can probably imagine the impact of two of them not really speaking to each other. I mean I am not planning on trying to become close friends with him or meeting him one on one. But I also don't want give up an entire circle of friends just because I hooked up with one of them. I just want to create a relaxed atmosphere where I can talk/joke normally with him as I would with the others. Any help on that would be greatly appreciated.

[Boisdevie]

Very difficult to get 'unshagged'. And as for reducing the awkwardness - har har bloody har. That's what you get for being stupid.

[Wakeup]

Well I was aiming at reducing the awkwardness, it's a small group of friends, just about 6-7 people. You can probably imagine the impact of two of them not really speaking to each other. I mean I am not planning on trying to become close friends with him or meeting him one on one. But I also don't want give up an entire circle of friends just because I hooked up with one of them. I just want to create a relaxed atmosphere where I can talk/joke normally with him as I would with the others. Any help on that would be greatly appreciated.

So, if you just want to create a "relaxed atmosphere" where you can talk/joke normally, then bloody well just do that. If he won't laught at your jokes or say hello back when you say Hi, then fk him and the horse he rode in on.

If it's such a close knit group of friends it's kinda hard to understand why you wouldn't know that he had a bleeding girlfriend for heaven sakes or, why you made out with him again when you did know he had a gf? Anyway, water under the bridge now ~ on with this relaxed atmosphere you talk about.

I'll add that the guy is a cheating twit who would have easily had sex with you while he kept the girl he THINKS he loves. It's your choice if you want to keep talking to someone who would do that to you and it's your own frame of mind that is making it awkward so you need to get unawkward.

[FionaMarie]

Well I know that making out with him knowing that he had a girlfriend was wrong. But I cannot change it now that it happened. I am still quite astonished that probably everybody in the group knew that he had a girlfriend(it's a long distance relationship) but me. I'm pretty sure he kept it secret on purpose. He never talks about her not even now that I know anyways. So one last question to just make it "unawkward". How do I do that with keeping my distance? I don't want to send mixed signals in the sense that he might believe I'd still be up for a fling or something.

[searock]

Well you didn't have sex with him. It's not as bad as it may have been, look at it this way. When you're all together with your group of friends, you can just treat him like anybody else. Just avoid spending time alone with him and it should be fine, shouldn't it?

[FionaMarie]

True it should. Right now it's not quite there but probably it just needs some time since it has been just about 2 weeks ago that we last made out. I'm probably overthinking this since it's important to me to keep these friends.

[Fruitsss]

sex out of marriage break more then it make. especially if there is no long friendship and good intention.
thats why it have to be the last thing u bring into a relationship.

u knew he had a relationship,u knew what alcohol can make u do, u know what happen so u wasnt drunk u just want to blame the alcohol.
but guess what they still make more of it and more money with it and it still filling the bottles and u r the one that got use and look stupid.
so no need to blame it on the alcohol.

he got his rounds with u and is done with u. so move on be smarter and love yourself more.