Need some perspective

[phatnatable]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are both 20 and we don't live together.
I recently discovered that he has been talking to his female flatmate (via facebook and texts) in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable e.g. "looking forward to cuddles when I get back", "I heart you" ... They would both be sending each other these texts and messages while at work (they work together).

I told him that I felt really uncomfortable with this because they spend so much time together anyway (live together, travel to and from work together, work together, socialise together) I just feel really excluded. He tells me he loves me all the time so I can see how he diferentiates between girlfriend and female friend and that he desn't feel like he's doing anything wrong.

His response was basically "Get over it, this is how I talk to my friends so learn to live with it" I know he would never physically cheat but I feel like he could be emotionally cheating if he is sharing things with her that he doesn't tell me.

What I need is some strategies to deal with this, I love him and I know he loves me but he is the most stubborn guy I have ever met and I don't know how to get him to understand how I feel about it.

Ideas???

[nerdy_guy]

Cheating always starts with the emotional, then it gets physical. Not unless its just a one night stand, then its a different story altogether. There are things that would always be unacceptable to one person and be acceptable to another. If you're not comfortable with it, and he can't respect that, then he's not a very good boyfriend now is he? Let's put it this way, what if you have sex with your friends everyday, and you tell him to get over it because its your way of expressing friendship and he has to deal with it... How would he feel if he saw you having sex with a friend or two, and then tell him you love him? would that sound convincing?

Bottom line, It's just a pathetic excuse on his part so that he can flirt around and maybe put someone on the backburner. Like you said, both of you are 20, so he's still a moron. I wouldn't expect much from him

[Crazy Horse]

Agree with nerdy_guy. He's probably cheating on you already and you're just blinded by your love for him to accept that he is. That's what happened to me. Put yourself in the position of a female friend of yours. If she came to you with this problem, what would you advice her?

[justcheckin]

I am 23 and I agree with that guy. I am a firm believe of "if it looks/smells/taste/seems like cheating... it probably is"

I have lots of friends that are girls. Not a sigle one of them do I "heart" or "look forward to cuddle with" unless I am tryin' to get laid. Something doesn't smell right here.

[ConfusedAlex]

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are both 20 and we don't live together.
I recently discovered that he has been talking to his female flatmate (via facebook and texts) in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable e.g. "looking forward to cuddles when I get back", "I heart you" ... They would both be sending each other these texts and messages while at work (they work together).

I told him that I felt really uncomfortable with this because they spend so much time together anyway (live together, travel to and from work together, work together, socialise together) I just feel really excluded. He tells me he loves me all the time so I can see how he diferentiates between girlfriend and female friend and that he desn't feel like he's doing anything wrong.

His response was basically "Get over it, this is how I talk to my friends so learn to live with it" I know he would never physically cheat but I feel like he could be emotionally cheating if he is sharing things with her that he doesn't tell me.

What I need is some strategies to deal with this, I love him and I know he loves me but he is the most stubborn guy I have ever met and I don't know how to get him to understand how I feel about it.

Ideas???

The cuddles bit is odd; I lived with my ex-boyfriend for a while, we are very close friends, and were together for two years, and never spoke to each other like that, either when we were living together or after we'd broken up.

I'd be pretty firm in telling him that you trust he wouldn't cheat on you, but the way he speaks to his flatmate (with the hearts and the cuddles etc) makes you feel uncomfortable and you'd like it if he stops. If he doesn't care how that makes you feel, maybe he's not the right person for you.