To call or not to call?

[thuthy]

Sorry if this is long. But i will try to give you as much information as possible so you can give me your honest opinon.

There's a male customer that used to go to my then boyfriends work (as a customer)

First time I saw him (this is going back a year ago)
I was sitting on a bench in front of my then bf's work playing with my mobile phone and this guy who was with his girl friend at the time said to me "Do i know you from somewhere?" and I said "I am not sure, have i seen you before?" and he said i have seen you around here, do u work in there?(pointing to my bf's work) and I said "no, i am here to pick up my *husband* most nights and he said "ok, that must be where i have seen you and his girl friend didnt say anything and they walked off" She didnt seem fussed that he was talking to me either.

I thought he was cute and got tongue tied when he spoke to me that I called my bf my husband instead of my bf. LOL

A few weeks later I run into him again. This time he is already sitting on the bench and I sit on the same bench while he is sitting there. I take out my phone as i usually do and play with it and then him and i start talking.

This is the second time we met and i felt really comfy with him and as if i had known him for a long time. I talked about so many things in just 10 mins or so.
I asked about his spare time activities and he asked mine and his reponse was "talking to hot chicks" (to me this was a sign he was flirting)

he asked about my realtionship with the bf, and i kept at it that he was my husband and he wanted to know how long i had been married and why i wasnt wearing a ring etc and he was trying to guess what year i supposedly got married lol

We were asking each others age and when he asked mine i said "how old do u think i am?" and he said "old enough to know better" ( i was thinking this is him saying you thinking of crossing the line)

We talked about each others work and i'm in the beauty industry and when i told him what i do he said "so thats why your skin is always perfect" (to me that was another compliment indicating he is interested)

He told me the girl he was with the other night was a girl he used to go to school with and he only just begun seeing her etc and it was nothing serious etc and that was that. He also said he hasnt had much luck with relationships and had been in an abusive one for 7 years etc

We hadnt seen each other in a while (maybe a few weeks) and he went into my bf's work (as he usually does, he is a customer there)
asking "isnt your beautiful wife here tonight?

My bf said she isnt here and he started talking with my bf saying that his gf and and i should become friends etc and my bf said he wasnt sure and it was up to me to choose my friends. Then he told my bf that it was his gf's birthday coming up and he wanted to do something special for her and get her a voucher to have her beauty stuff done with my me, and my bf gave this guy my number, now this was a while ago (over a year now) and he never called to buy that voucher and i've never seen or heard from him again.

After a while he went back into the bf's work and told him that he had spilt with his gf and he was single again.
And unusually hasnt been into the bf's work again for a while.

Now i've since split with my bf and am interested in this man.

I spent a few weeks trying to track him down and managed to find someone that works in the same industry as him that knows him, who gave me his phone number.

But i just dont have the balls to call. I am scared.

So last night i sent a sms saying "hi, found your number on my phone? not sure who it belongs to?

Trying to make out i am going through my phone book and not sure who it was.
Not sure if this was a good idea.

I think the amount of bad luck i've had in past relationships and picking up / getting involved with wrong men that treat me badly.
I have always been the kind that never likes to wonder what it would be like had i done this or had i done that but over the years i have approached so many guys with being just me. Very open and friendly and asking to catch up. I have had so many "no" responses, i have had enough, it has played on my self confidence and i am scared.

I dont want to get hurt and i dont want to be rejected anymore. I figure if he does the chasing then i am more in control as i then don't need to be rejected.

He didnt respond to my message last night...but i dont feel as rejected, as he didnt even know it was me, for all i know he could've thought that was some random person and he didnt bother to respond which is fine with me.

I thought i finally got the confidence to call him and i did (with my number blocked) but after the phone rang just once i went weak and hung up.

This morning i had someone call me from a withheld number but i didnt get to the phone in time, it went through to my answering service but there was no message left.
May have been him checking who messaged him last or may have been a customer of mine.

I dont really know. I feel as though i am really stuck in a dead end.

I just dont have the guts to call and i am not sure i can send him a message again.
Unless i leave it a few weeks and send him one saying "Hi ***. What u been up to babe? XX"
And see what he responds with then, as this time i will use his name in the msg so he knows its not a wrong number lol its aimed at him lol

The other thing i need to find out is does he have another gf or is he still sinlgle?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

The time we had seen each other and were talking does it sound to you like he was interested or was he just being friendly and i took it the wrong way.
It feels really weird as i dont even know him and yet i have thought about him every day since we spoke. I feel connected to him, not sure why.

Sorry for the length of the post. Thanks for taking the time to read.

[thuthy]

It has been nearly 24 hours since sending the message and still no response. I think he may have shrugged it off as a wrong number or couldnt be bothered messaging back as he didnt know who it was. Or the other thing i thought it could be is if he has a prepaid phone, he may have run out of credit?

[littlemo]

Stop being a chicken. Pick up the phone to call. Start with friend first with no expectation would be my advice.

[thuthy]

Stop being a chicken. Pick up the phone to call. Start with friend first with no expectation would be my advice.

No way!! Have no guts to do it. I want to message him asking him how he is and does he remember me(which maybe he doesnt as our contact was so brief) but there's no way i can even do that. Not after sending that stupid message last night about finding the number and not knowing who it is lol he must think i am a fruit loop

[Lozenger]

Of course he'll remember you - he said you had "perfect skin"

It's hard to tell if he was flirting for a bit of fun or not as he may have been bored with his then gf or had trouble with her - hence the breakup later on, or he may have not bothered as you did say you were taken at the time (and you called your bf your husband)

But, if he hadn't payed you those compliments and just spoke to you the way your friends do, do you think you'd still like him the way you do? Some people I know, have said that they fancied someone, but then later realised that it was really only because they had received flattering compliments eg "perfect skin"

I would message him, the longer you leave it, the less likely it'll be that he remembers you and besides you may end up regretting it if you don't. You haven't seen him for a while anyway so what do you have to lose?

Good Luck!

X

[thuthy]

Thanks Lozenger. I wish i had the positive look on the situation you have

The compliments were nice and they were nice to receive them. But i hope i am not going to sound really stuck up here, but since i work in the beauty industry i am using high end products on my skin and i always wear make up etc and my skin always does look perfect and flawless as i put a lot of time, effort and money making it that way and i more often than not have someone compliment me on my skin, so him say that to me - although i think he said it to compliment/flirt with me i didnt think much of it.

I am scared of his reaction to me and i am even more scared if i make a fool of myself if he has a new girlfriend.

Interesting you mention about him maybe being bored with his gf or having problems with her. He did say to me there was nothing serious between them and he had only just started dating her.

[Cain]

Why is everyone afraid of rejection? The worst thing that can happen is he says no.... you'll accept it, get over it, and move on.

It isn't the end of the world.. trust me.

[vashti]

I'm not sure how you expect this to pay out. How do you think he will react to knowing that you already lied to him about being married? Maybe it's just me, but I find that a little odd.

[thuthy]

cain it's not so much the rejection. I just want someone else to do the chasing for a change. If i ran into him on the street or something i'd feel a lot more comfortable talking to him and asking him for a coffee etc but since i actually ran around half the town and asking around for him to get in contact with him again, may seem a bit extreme to him and scare him off a bit lol

Vashti I am worried about that he knows i lied. I told my then bf what i had said that we were married and he laughed about it and we joked from time to time about it when he would call me his wife but i think one day when this guy came into the bf's work my then bf actually called me his gf and not his wife LOL so he may already know i lied and maybe he didnt bother to pursue me back then because he thought i was married and then found out i lied so maybe he thought that i was interested as i felt the need to hide the fact that i am only in a defacto not married.

But i did flirt with him and tried to give him signs i am interested when we talked. i did say things like "you always end up with the opposite of what you want" and kept refering to all the hobbies and interests he has that i like/share.

[Lozenger]

I am scared of his reaction to me and i am even more scared if i make a fool of myself if he has a new girlfriend.

Don't be scared of his reaction. If you message him, at least you won't be able to see his face and whatever comes through by an email/message in reply to you is just a bundle of words and you can choose to ignore them or act on them

Maybe, you could start off with something like "Heya, do you remember me? I'm so-so the lady with the "perfect skin" you spoke to on the bench outside blah blah."

Then I would leave it at that to see if he remembers. If he has a positive reply then you could say something like "So how have you been, anything new in your life?"

This would keep it friendly, but that question will give him the opportunity to talk about any new jobs, a new car he may be thinking of getting, or a new gf. And so you won't embarrass yourself

X

[thuthy]

Oh no!! Dont think i can do it.
I am thinking of another approach but i am not sure how this is going to work. I know he works in the motor bike industry. I was thinking of getting a friend to call up and say they're interested in getting a bike fixed/made etc and try to get the address of where he works so i can just go in there and make out i just happened to be walking past lol
I am to chicken sh!t to send anymore messages.

[thuthy]

I called him the other night, he took forever to answer the phone and when he did he sounded annoyed/pissed at something, i asked for a name of a person (not his name) and there was bad reception and the phone cut out before i finished my sentence and i never called back...is this a sign that its just not going to work out??