should I stay or move on?

[Beaver]

I am in an 11 year old relationship, he is my high school sweetheart. I writing because I he had cheated on me more than once. When we were in college we had an ldr because I had to moved to other city. After a year being away, I came back to the city where I came from. I forgave him because he confessed about it. It took me years to trust him. When I was we graduated ai became busy looking for the right career patha for me, I even had short courses because I wanted to have a good job.While he struggled looking for one because he only graduated with a shory course. He asked me to come to parties, out of town and night outs with his friends. In my part I usually refuse because I know he doesn't have much money for both of us because he didn't have stable job yet and I don't want him to feel pitiful because he can't afford much. years has passed, I allowed him to bond with his friends and just text him that I love him, trust him...then came the time when he finally was given a chance to apply for a work in a cruise ship. But it wasn't easy for him, it took a year before he got the job but prior to that he got frustrated because he felt he will never get it, we became distant because O was still busy looking a good career and been jumping from one to another...Last year 2015, he finally got the job in December. By June of this year 2016, Through a comment from his sisters I came acrosa a woman who keeps liking his picture even if they are not fb friends. I was so curious and investigated it myself, I ask one of his close friends who I haven't met yet but I knew through my bf. He told me that the woman was so aggressive and persisten and goes her way to be with my bf before. I was so hurt like I was dying...I ask him directly and he confessed that he did cheated and that it was because he needed help especially financially that time and I was always complaining that he didn't have plans. He felt I was pressuring him so much. We talk for an hour, I ask him if they are still communicating, he said it's been awhile since the woman communicated because he already said that what happened between them was wrong and they will hurt me and the woman's bf. I came to know the woman beg him not to cut communication, but he said that he told the woman to be with the father to be of her baby. But still the woman threatened him and his family that he in the hospital and will comit suicide. NOTE: the woman befriended his sisters not knowing what's going on between them, and his mother keeps telling him to be true to me and avoid the woman because non of them liked her. to continue, he called his close friend the one I asked about the woman, his friend told him not to listen to the woman because she is only using her knowing he has a good job now and that kind of woman who has a seaman boyfriend also, is only using him. I ask for his fb password to know if they are not really contacting but he refused because he said I might react to some messages of his guy friends and it is personal since we aren't married yet. He even mentioned that he will change his fb account when he comes home. I was not convinced for a week we have been fighting and seldom did he response to mu messages. I broke up with him and he said maybe it is the right thing because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that he was so stupid for doing it, but ask me to meet him when he comes home to talk. After a week I was still crying everyday, my sister got mad at him and he keeps apologizing and when I had a conversation with his mother, his mother told us that he was crying over the phone begging his mother to talk to me and explain that it was long over with the woman and he doesn't know what to do anymore and even felt jumping overboard. After a month of fighting and days of not communicating, I decide to take back breaking up with him and told him I'm not breaking up because I want you to feel really guilty for what you did, I'm not giving you freedom, he agreed and said he still wants to talk to me when he comes home...days and months passed there were still days I cry and not eat feeling so hurt, my sister got even angry at me and at him, my sister told him if you have no feelings for my sister don't let her wait for nothing, he replied that he is not making me hope for nothing. He even asked my sister to have dinner together with both our families when he comes home. He still says he loves me and text, chat and videocall with me everyday, I even ask him weeks ago to unfriend their common friends and he did. I ask him to like the pictures I tag him which he was mad at first because he said he seldom check his fb and only uses messenger to contact me and his family. But then he still agreed with me to like my tags. I also ask him to stop cheating on me and I also promise to give him more time now. He said he won't promise me but he will show me and said sorry sometimes he gets angry when I nag and being negative because he is pressured at work and he badly wants to come home. I also hinted him I want to have a baby, and he said soon, but he wants to save first, I ask him if he has plan for both of us, he said he has. We were touchy and had romantic moments before and even online, but never had sex because I wanted to get married first, but now because of his work and he only will stay for 2months a part of me wants to make it all the way with him. But, I'm afraid if I give myself fully, he might cheat again or worst get married to other woman. I afraid to lose him but I feel scared if I see him soon. I don't understand myself, I feel also because he doesn't give me his fb account I can't trust him fully. Please help me I don't know what to do anymore, he is coming home next month.

Pls...help me...
Thanks in advance...

[breathe123]

Hi Beaver ~

Break that up into paragraphs it was impossible to read & follow & if I miss something that is why.

Red flag to me was his partying, but he did invite you. Did that lifestyle give you concern more than him not working & partying so much? How can the woman like his FB images if not on his friends list? Okay getting into your story I see he cheated again, lets be clear I am certain he's cheated more than just them two times, if he can't be loyal & respect him you don't need to be with him don't waste more years on him. Plus he BLAMED ~ YOU for his cheating what a low ass bastard he is.

Yes, he probably has sex chats & naked dirty pics from her in his FB messages & he wants to keep them saved & if he gives YOU his PW he'll have to do a quick delete. To me that says he cares more about what he says with her over you. Leave him would be my advice.

WHY DID YOU TAKE BACK the breaking up? NO, break up for good. He basically told you he will continue to see/talk/cheat.

Advice : Dump his cheating ass, he told you he can't be trusted & if someone of 11 years continues to cheat on you & doesn't marry you, he doesn't love you, he just loves himself. He is a horrible partner to have find a much better guy.

DUMP him.
dump HIM
DUMP HIM !!!!

Be strong & do it & NO take backs.

[Beaver]

hi and thanks for the advise, truth is I really want to brek up with him nd everytime I do it I receive messages from him telling me his at his work station an he will chat or text me as soon as he is done. He always either text me, chat or vcall. He even wants to have dinner with my family and his family when he comes home next month. He told me he will not promise anymore but show that he won't cheat again, he will share his fb and email to me.That makes me more confuse if I should let him go, he wants to talk when he gets home. He said he has plan to have a baby with me after his next contract abroad, he just need to help his sister to go abroad too for their family. Yes, he is the breadwinner, so I'm really confuse if I should give it a chance since in 11 yrs we rarely go out and nothing sexually ever happen to us because I was so unsure before.

[breathe123]

He is keeping you around for himself & maybe some f ucked up game not for any good kind reasons some guys egos can't handle being dumped & that could be it too, you need to do the dumping, he hasn't treated you right, IMO & you can find better in time. His words are empty because he has never backed them up. He still cheats. People like this rarely stop once they feel that got away with it several times & the main girl takes them back, they figure it is on you from then on, not them.

[Beaver]

hi. I already broke up with him...after almost a week, my sister messaged him and was so angry, said so many insulting words to him and ask him to explain, since they were close too. He said he was sorry to my sister and admitted his mistakes and wants to fix things when he comes home and that he never had a serious intention to the girl, that the girl was the one communicating and aggressive,but truth is I can still access his fb and he is okay with it, I searched the girl and the girl is overly dramatic as if she is the victim that my ex dumped her, My ex wants to talk to me when he comes home but I am scared to fall for his words again. I told him I still love him but I don't trust him anymore. He said he will be the one to fix the relationship. But now I am just too scared to get hurt again.

[breathe123]

Hi ~ Beaver. Got your request & added you.

Yes, how are things now since you've broken up, is he bothering you since about you breaking up or is he respecting your wishes? God bless for your sister & her taking a stand on your behalf.

Remember guys will always blame the other person same as girls who cheat do that it wasn't them it was xyz that was causing it, pushing for it. Takes two & he could have blocked & ignored her. So is his fault too, not only hers. He is passing blame & that isn't being sorry, imo. Don't fall for his words, look at his actions instead they are what will show you the real truth, you know this. Are you thinking about going back? If so, get your sister to keep you strong & not return down the same path that hurt you.

[Beaver]

Hi thanks for the reply, he is keeping in touch with me since my sister told me to try to listen to him when he comes home this September and I also would like to see it for myself his actions and reactions when we talk to each other in person. I talk to him and I
told him I have feelings for him but doesn't trust him. He keeps saying he will prove that he wants to change everything and make things right when he comes home. He said sorry and understand me for not trusting him. I am open to possibility but I am also open for someone new to come to my life.

[breathe123]

It's okay to talk but don't let him deep into your heart like before ~ keep a safe distance & examine all said & done between you two when he comes back this month. I can imagine this is hard on you, knowing him so long & him also being your high school sweetheart. I think he needs to EARN your trust now, this isn't on you, it's all up to him now. he has to put in the efforts towards you in whatever way you need. Otherwise no point, right? be same old thing again. Do you think after you both chat you'll get closure & be able to move onto dating someone new?

[Beaver]

Hi, I don't know if after talking to him I will be able to move on alone. I've recently told him to be sure of what he feels for me and not push himself if he is not sure about what he feels, unfortunately he mistakenly understood he thought I am the one pushing him away because I am not sure about giving him a chance.

[breathe123]

You are guarding your heart if he cannot get why off how he has acted previously he needs a good shaking to get sense into his head. This is NOT on you to make right, you gave him plenty of time. Just always be cautious.
((hugs))

[Beaver]

Hi! I miss reading your messages, It's just less than a week and his coming home. I am scared seeing him but I also wnt to see him. His been messaging me everyday, and makes some plans for us, but i really feel scared. One thing, I ask him again about how he talked to the other woman, according to him he frankly said that he wants to end everything about them coz it's making things difficult and that he wants the woman to be serious about her life and her soon to be baby ( coz she doesn't wnt to let go of my bf)He ask me if I still have trust issue, I said yes! but I love you. He said if I want we will both talk to the woman and her friends to really end things. I said (dunno why?!) yes I will go with him, but he should forget about them after we talk to them, he said: We haven't had any communication since we got back together. Then, He even talk to me while he was packing his things, asking me for advises on little things about his luggages, he even showed me a naturally torn out letter I gave him when we were in high school that he had kept together with his documents.Ask me to save also coz he will save too, showed me his earnings, things he bought, planned to buy couple watches, ask me how's my mother and would she allow me to go with him anywhere. I can still access his fb and messenger. What are these gestures and happenings all about? But deep inside me are FEAR and LOVE for him.

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my greatest problem is, I become so drawn to him when we are talking, feels like I'm so happy at the moment, then when we aren't talking I feel so sad and scared. Feels like I want to runaway and leave everybody and every memory behind. Like I want to be a new person and be with new people who don't know me at all...

[breathe123]

I think he keeps messaging so much because he is trying to keep himself in your mind, confuse you too, maybe about what previous decisions you made regarding him in the past when you broke it off. Trying hard to get back into your good graces. If was me I wouldn't allow all the messaging & just have a good sit down when back, tell him that so you can quietly get your thoughts together without him tainting them on you. You FEEL scared because you know he will continue to cheat, it's only a matter of time & the feeling scared is your red flag feeling but you continue to ignore it & in the end you'll end up in the same world of hurt hating yourself that you feel for it again :[ It isn't on that woman, it's on him, fact he keeps shoving the responsibility and blame on her STILL means he still isn't owning his OWN part & repsonsibility in this. Why does he need to drag you over to that woman? Don't agree. It's your choice in the end if you go back but now you know the truth & that should be enough not to believe him imo. He is charming you with all the talking now before coming home, to me he knows exactly how to play you. I don't think it is genuine but you love him & he knows this so he probably feels is back in with you.