What does she want from me?

[VodkaWater]

I met this girl who we will call Hannah 10 years ago or so when I was in my early twenties. We were very good friends but we never dated because timing just never seemed to line up. She was the one that got away. We had similar upbringings, beliefs, we are both very intelligent people and both ended up being fairly successful. It always felt like there was an unspoken thing between us but neither one of us were the cheating type, or the type that would end something to do something else. So I'd say we are both pretty loyal as well.

So whatever. I hadn't seen Hannah in probably 8 some years, she moved down to Texas for grad school with her boyfriend who soon became her husband. My marriage feels like its been struggling from the start. Our relationship was pretty much founded on drinking and sex, but for some reason we thought we were good for each other. Needless to say it only took a few months for us to start having problems. We have nothing to talk about, the sex is meh at best if we are having it at all. My wife spends more time with her family than she does with me and frankly I just buried myself in work because I didn't want to deal with it. So whatever.

So a year ago I'm out on the boat with my wife and friends, and I hear my name being called out. There is Hannah yelling and waving from another boat. We end up tying up with her and her friends and all hang out for the day. She lets me know she's in town for a few more days and asks me and my wife if we'd like to get together for drinks. We agree. So the night comes and my wife doesn't want to go but tells me, "you should go". (No fights came of this surprisingly) So I go. I was supposed to meet with Hannah and a few of her friends and it ends up just being her.

We have some drinks at a bar and catch up. 20 some feet away some guy proposes to his girlfriend and Hannah quietly says "Don't do it". I damn near hit the floor. I always thought if any of my friends would have a successful marriage it would be her. So we end up spending the rest of the evening airing our our laundry to each other. At one point she tells me she did have feelings for me back when we were young and that I was her what if. So we kept in touch over the next few months. Mostly just venting to each other our displeasure in our current situations. I've recently separated from my wife (no divorce, because we have a child and we have a financial arrangement). Then I hear from Hannah maybe a few weeks after that she and her husband are getting divorced and she's going to be in town for the weekend (this last weekend) and wants to get together.

So my mind starts spinning. I couldn't help but ask my self if this is the chance for us to end the "what if" with each other. So I pick her up. She looks great, tells me I look great. We go get drinks. We talk, laugh, share our goals, ambitions yada yada. Just to preface, I used to be very good at reading women's body language and signals, except with Hannah. So anyway, I'm getting all the signals, eye contact, physical contact, shes laughing at my Dad jokes. Right before I'm about to ask her if she has interest in exploring things past friends ship the waiter comes by letting us know his shift is ending so she asks if we should go somewhere else and I say sure. I'm like of courseeee ok, next venue.

So we get to the next place. It's louder, it's a lot younger crowd and we run into all these people we used to hang out with back in the day. I get completely derailed and we aren't alone again all night. We dance, talk, laugh. By bar close we are both heavily intoxicated. She comes up to me hands me the key to her hotel (my car was valeted there and the ticket was in her room) and tells me I can sleep it off there if I want and then she hugs me and leaves with a group of people that I didn't know. So I was pretty pissed. Being drunk I was an idiot and I texted her that I cared about her a lot and that if it's not mutual then fine, but I had to get it off my chest. Side note, I don't remember texting her. So whatever, I get back to the hotel. I guess I tried to leave because the next morning the valet guy apologized to me for not bringing me my car the night before, at which point I knew I probably needed to apologize to him, so I did.

I ended up passing out on the floor in her room. 7:00 am rolls around and she comes in the room like a hurricane. At this point I start dragging my ass up but I knew I was still too drunk to drive. She tells me to get in the bed and sleep it off. So I do. A couple hours go by and I wake up. Feel a bit better. Look at my phone and all that goes through my mind is wow I hate myself. So I ask her if she read my texts. She says she hadn't but I am positive she had. At this point all I want to do is ask her if I'm friend zoned, but I can't even get it out of my mouth. I'm a guy that does not struggle with being upfront and I am pretty well spoken when I want to be. She completely disarms me though. I can't get my shit right around her. So she had just gotten out of the shower and I knock on the bathroom door to let her know I'm taking off. She comes out in a towel and I'm just tripping all over myself. All I wanted to do was to ask her why she ditched me and show that I was angry about it. I didn't, I couldn't. All I said was. Sorry about my text, I'm dumb, I don't know. She laughs and says your not dumb, tells me some story about sleeping on a couch (yeah right) covered in dog hair because she couldn't hang at the after party. I laugh it off and whatever. I let my mind get the best of me. Mind you both of our marriages just ended within the last couple months. Here my stupid ass is trying to see if I'm in the friend zone or not. So I text her and ask if she has any interest. I don't hear anything from her until Sunday when she texts me apologizing for being MIA and that she was just wiped out. Absolutely no mention of my question. I tell her its all good and leave it at that.

Today rolls around and she texts me again. I haven't reached out because to me when a woman dodges the question, she isn't interested. She's back in Texas at this point by the way. So whatever she calls me when she gets off work. She tells me about her day, we talk some about Friday night, still no apology for ditching me. Whatever, we talk for a half hour and I bring up my texts and just say I'm embarrassed that I put my cards on the table (I'm fishing), and she just says no its fine, you're fine. Nothin. All I want to do is just tell her that if I'm friend zoned, tell me. Even though I feel like I know the answer. Or I think I do. I thought the same thing almost 10 years ago when we were younger only to find out she was into me. I'm not one to make the same mistake twice. All of my knowledge tells me she has no interest in anything with me more than what it is, which is fine because I've gotten over her before, I can certainly do it again, but I can't even get her to do that. And if she isn't interested why is she reaching out to me? She has tons of friends she can talk to that are local down there. I literally have nothing to offer her from where I am located except for awkward validation at this point. So what gives? She's coming back in a few weeks. Lord knows why. I am torn between wanting to see her and not. I'm too damn old to be playing games.

I wonder if maybe she wants to play the field. Maybe she doesn't want anything resembling a relationship serious or not. Maybe her divorce is too fresh. Or maybe she just isn't into me anymore. I haven't been this mind f***ed in years. All I know is that I am ready to move on with her or without her, but I want to make damn sure I'm not the reason that this window of opportunity was missed. I need fresh perspective. What is your opinion?

[stuckgirl]

If you are really interested in her, see her once more and tell her straight-out. Ask her if you can take her on a date. Likely the divorce is fresh for her and she might be nervous about getting into something, but it seems that you are someone that she is interested in. The question is whether she is interested in friendship or romance.

Her answer might be that she isn't ready for a relationship with you, but might be in the future. Or it could be that old feeling are coming up for both of you because you are both suddenly single. In that case, there's a good likely-hood it would be a quick and passionate romance that wouldn't last. But if you're willing to take that chance, ask if she is too.