Emotional damage after cheating

[smarty540]

Long story short, I was completely caught off guard several years ago with the girl I was dating. She had cheated on me several times, but it felt as if she was completely dedicated to me, and there was never a chance she would ever do such a thing.

It's been 5 years, and every relationship I've been in has been affected by what happened. My last relationship was over 2 years. I never had a single reason to doubt her, yet every single time she would be out of contact for a longer period of time than expected, I would immediately expect her to be cheating on me. When I would visit her apartment, I'd catch myself looking around the room for "evidence" when I had NO reason to suspect cheating.

It is the same way with the woman I've been dating for a year now. If something feels just slightly off, even an odd wording in a text message, I lose it.

I'm unable to control the fear of being cheated on. My frequent questioning is a complete annoyance for my girlfriend. I do not feel as if I can ever fully trust ANY woman again, and it's been the same for the past 5 years.

Is there a term for this? What am I supposed to do or know in order to fully commit to a relationship again? Is this a condition which resulted from being left in a very extreme position of vulnerability?

[MerryH]

I don't know that there's any magical advice you can get here. You already know you're being irrational and that you're damaging your relationships by acting that way. You just have to work on trusting people. Possibly with the help of some counseling.

[damn2010]

Therapy may help, but remember to be confident and do not feel bad! Cheating is an unfortunately regular thing that damages trust.

The best you can do is when you're finally comfortable and in a committed relationship, be HONEST with your partner that you had a previous relationship that you were cheated on (if the discussion steers that way), but it is very important for YOU to learn how to trust others again and build your self-esteem back. Read books on the subject or find some counseling.

Trust is very important, but false accusations, unfounded jealousy, and anger can mess things up!