Am i the worlds biggest love rat....this is genuine i think i need help please advice

[secretagent9999]

First off i would like to say. You probably well definitely will think im the biggest F***** B*****D going and i deserve it. I am posting in here though to for once be honest, no one knows who i am, saying what i am saying wont hurt anyone here but i'll be honest for once and that might help me...i will be able to listen to peoples true thoughts.....i would like to start and say i think that maybe i'm incapable of loving completely and guilt seems to be an emotion that has long gone. When i was 17 years old i was with an older lady (21), I felt content happy and loved her..she was not my type (fuller figure) and i like slim girls but for some reason i never looked elsewhere and was totally into her it felt like love. Then ends of the story was I was shattered by her totally, Lie after Lie, cheating after cheating. Even when i had conclusive proof and found things out would still look into my eyes and deny it all, never admit to it. This is the one single event I can only see as perhaps leading me to the way i am, i do not want to use this as an excuse though, i think i might need a professional to help me to the root of my problems but this is the only thing i can think of that affected me.

Since then i have cheated on almost every partner bar a couple and it seems i have never felt that love or happyness since no matter what i have done. Now i will tell you the story of my latest failed relationship, my behaviour has conclusively gotten worse... a summary of it would be

I meet girl, she ends up loving me we have problems at start to do with ex's and that but get over it....then she totally loves me.....do i love her ??? im unsure if i love anymore i really am that messed up....

I Fing**** her sister and stuff behind her back when she was asleep and sister was in the living room sofa staying over.... her friend from another city stayed over one time.... my gf got drunk and got ill.....i sha**** her friend in the kitchen and had oral off her friend while she was passed out....then wnt into bedroom n hugged n nice like nufin ever happened......I sha**** another of her friends in the back of my car......I met up with another one of her friends n hugged.....I met 2 girls i knew in ma car throughout the year we was together doing various things...she found video on my phone......I slept with several other ppl without her knowing.....i had intimiate conversayion with my ex by email over the course of our whole relationship.... nytime she found things out or pplsaid things i would deny it all, i would never admit to it. I think i cheated on her with about 10 people in the end......I am still trying to get back with her, we didnt split up purely because of cheating cause she never conclusively new for 100% i done anything and didnt want to believe the worst as if u love sum1 u want to believe anything more than what u pretty much know whats happened.....

i have the common issues of trust and control....i dont like her having boys numbers or in contact with boys i think might be a risk...dont trust her or what she might be doing....like to know where she is most the time.....

all the girls or even men reading this u might think what a Scumbag....and yes your right....... however.....I hate being this way, i dont want to be this way, I want to be able to completely Love, I want to be happy......i am a single parent of a young boy and wish more than anything to provide him with a step mum and a bro or sis and a family environment......i want to be happy with 1 person i want to fee the love were i only have eyes from them......the way im living is no fun, it does not make me happy... yet i dont know how to change it......... i really feel there is more to it than im a cheat and cant have 1 person...... this has been the way and getting worse for best part of 6 years.......... i want to be in love i want a family....i dont want to feel alone anymore.....although any1 reading this will think im such a ***** please sum1 any advice....i am really thinking of councilling or something any suggestions ?? Im at a stage where as I dont know if im lying to myself if i love if i dont love nothing....i need sum1 to tell me whats going on..... plz help

thankyou.....

[Lite]

I don't think you're a scumbag, I think you need therapy to help resolve your issues.

[Bo]

ok well first off like u said, i do think you're an A**Hole. It sounds like you still have a ton of growing up to do even as an adult, basically u let yourself become what u hated about your ex-gf, who is a c***. And the fact that u don't even try to change what you're doing but you expect a different result is really ridiculous, that is the literal definition of insanity. And must i mention...why the **** are u still talking to your dumb-ass c*** ex? It sounds like she is the root of this, so u have a wonderful gf who loves u and ur talking to the ex that screwed u over?.....what??...plz explain. Don't get back with your current girl...u obviously don't deserve her...u need to tell her the truth because she deserves to know what scum**** her friends are and she needs to ditch those hookers, and find some real girlfriends who don't do shit like that. And the reason u don't trust your gf is because you're the one cheating..think about it, you're afraid she might be up no good because u already know that ur capable of it, so u think she must be too. Grow some balls and be a ****ing man honestly. so to state the obvious if this isn't blunt enough

-QUIT ****ing cheating if not for your future than do it for ur daughter(what kind of message do u think ur sending her if she grows up seeing that her own father can't stay in a monogamous relationship?)

-QUIT lying because it'll just get worse and it will make everything else worse. u probably don't trust anyone because u lie so much your damn self.

-find a girl that u know u care about and take it slow if u have to, which it sounds like u will need to.

-STOP talking to your ex, she's just gonna cause more internal issues for u if u keep her in your life, get rid of her!

I have issues with trust and control too, they stem from different problems...but u can't let it control your life. U have some serious issues and if u don't fix them u can sure plan on being unhappy for the rest of your life. If u need professional help go and get it the sooner the better. u need to come out with the truth to the ppl u love though because if u don't u'll have it inside of u for the rest of your life, you're just gonna feel like a faggot for being such a pansy..cuz if u have the nuts to cheat and lie to the ppl that care about u than u need to have the balls to tell them the truth. period.

[secretagent9999]

well firstly i have a son not daughter......secondly the ex ive been speaking to is not that ex but sum1 else i ended up hurting but cared about.....

and three......telling me i need to grow balls and grow up im a child..... say im a ***** all you want i know i am but please, cheap insults like this arent going to help me....i come on here for advice and support..... would you tell an alcoholic "its simple dont drink", yes sounds simple doesnt it....can you understand a suicidal person and reason with them that your not suppose to kill yourself....

i know cheating is wrong, i know doing things are wrong.......i am not inferior intellectually.... i have a problem perhaps mental and i need to know where to really go for help....i dont choose to be like this nor want to be like this....

anyone feel free to call me *** *** *** i know what i am but i just came on here to hopefully meet sum1 who has had similar experiences or any professional people here who can advice me what to seek..... i dont like feelings this way i dont like hurting people.... and to average joe and jennie you might think what a **** it is simple, dont cheat dont lie.... but its not

[Bo]

sorry about the son/daughter thing, mis-typed it. But the point is it's not to insult, it's to knock some ****ing sense into u because you're obviously not getting it. And not cheating and lying is actually VERY simple there are times when not lying might be hard (for example if i was dying and my daughter asked me if i was gonna be alright than i would probably tell her everything is gonna be just fine). Some ppl literally need to be smacked over the head to understand, And did i mention u said u wanted honest opinions? you're in denial about yourself and u need to fix that first. I think internally you're trying to make yourself feel better about what u have done and that's not going to help

[secretagent9999]

im not after sympathy...im not in denial...i no im wrong i no im ****
i am hoping someone may have had a similar situation maybe sought help and could advise me on it, do i need a councillor, do i need a psychiatrist...just hoping sum1 may have an idea of whats going on with me

[carl1222]

I'll answer your question and take your post at face value.

I would advise you to go to a local relationship counselor who will probably refer you to someone who treats your particular problems ... inability to commit and inability to remain faithful.

Just out of curiosity, what in God's name is wrong with your girlfriend's sister and her friends that they would fool around with you while you and your girlfriend are together??

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

If this initial relationship that you described had nearly as profound of an impact on your life as you believe is possible then a possible explanation to your current behavioral problems could play out as this:

You trusted her, did everything you thought was right and gave all the good that you had in you to give. She betrayed that trust and so two possible assumptions were made. The first assumption was the idea that perhaps more women are just as manipulative and as mean as her, and if so... maybe they are the majority. The second being that you let your guard down and felt that maybe you deserved getting hurt for it. So in this possible scenario... you do not respect women at all, because you feel resentment towards the one that initially hurt you, and then seeing the willingness of these later women to cheat with you, only seemed to confirm your original suspicions. And you do not feel that you deserve to get hurt again, so you never let them too close... you never let them into your heart, not really.

If this were to be the case, then it's a matter of regaining your trust in women. You will have to take the time to realize on a subconscious level that not all women are bad... and quite a few have just as many scars, if not more than you from their dealings with lovers that were never fair or true. Essentially that we all get hurt, we have to pick ourselves up, try again, and try very hard to not pull the assumptions from the last relationship and have it taint the new relationship.

It is my personal opinion that your cheating is a defense mechanism put in place by you (whether you realize it or not) to safeguard your heart from the pain and humiliation that you had once or repeatedly felt. Some men are naturally inclined to cheat, whereas others... like you, possibly... use it like a shield.

[carl1222]

I agree with Aeradalia. Also, you may be using all these perfectly wonderful and trustworthy girls as proxies for your first love. By that I mean, because you can't punish your first love for her mistreatment of you years ago, you punish these completely innocent girls in her place.

Get therapy!

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Lots of ppl nearly die from a bad case of food poisoning. While it might make them more choosy, it doesn't keep them from eating healthy, tasty food.

Don't ever do that which you'll later have to find an excuse for. Too much wasted time & energy.

[Gigabitch]

The fact that you got hurt does not give you license to act like this. You know very well you're in no condition to be involved with anyone at all- it's irresponsible. Until you can get a hold of yourself, you should be single. Your behavior is not only cruel, it's dangerous. I seriously doubt you're having safe sex with all of these random people.

You need to see a therapist about your issues. Work on your self-respect and on taking responsibility for what you do.

What happened with your original girlfriend might have killed your ability to fully trust another woman, but it shouldn't have killed your ability to feel remorse for the things you've done. That's coming from somewhere else, and you need to untangle all of this mess before you're worthy of any woman's love.