What is she thinking??

[dateman79]

This story starts in a bar about 7 weeks ago. I met a girl, we'll call Kelly, and she e-mailed me on Facebook the next day to say it was nice meeting you. We eventually went out twice over a two week period. I played it VERY cool. I texted sporadically. After only our 2nd date, Kelly invited me to her sister's wedding reception. I was like whoa ... a little fast...and I turned her down. She asked me to come out with her and her friends another night .. I turned her down. I wasn't feeling it that much, mostly because of a previous girlfriend who suddenly popped out of nowhere and seemed interested. But once I realized that would amount to nothing I could finally focus on Kelly.

We met for our 3rd date a nearly full month after the first and I finally saw her for what she is.. a pretty amazing girl. It was by far our best date. It ended with an incredible makeout session that she clearly did not want to end. And she said something to me interesting ... Sorry I haven't texted that much ... I feel like it's up to the guy to pursue the girl early in a relationship, which I took as a clear sign that she wanted me to step up my game. So the next week I stepped my pursuit... texting more ... asking her out more. We had our best ever conversations, but she started coming up with excuses for why she couldn't go out. She just started her last year of college so that is playing a role in some of this. It's a very difficult major. But all of a sudden she seems to be the one playing it cool. The only time I've seen her since our 3rd date two weeks ago was when I met up with her and her friends last weekend. She seemed slightly distant but it was my first time hanging out with her friends, and obviously she wants to talk to them as well. So, I wasn't too worried about that.

When I text she still usually responds in a timely fashion. She responds usually with pretty long texts, not short, get lost kinds of answers. This week I sent her flowers to help her get through the first of week school. She loved them. She texted about how sweet and thoughtful it was .. how much her mom loved them, but how she wouldn't let her have them. She sent me pictures of them and it led to our best conversation since last week. Today I texted her about her trip out of town this weekend, and after a couple of texts about that said "I hope we can do something when you get back. It's been way too long since we've hung out." She never responded to that one.

After I played it so cool the first few weeks, she now has all the power. Has she lost some interest, gotten distracted by someone or something, or is she making me chase her? I'm confused.

[Wakeup]

I think you sent her flowers before she earned them and now she's a little creeped out because you've kinda made her feel obligated in some way. The last thing anyone (not just girls) want is to feel somehow obligated to a person they are dating before they've made up their mind that they want them as a steady bf/gf. JMO but everytime I read about some guy who has sent flowers before a girl has actually done anything nice for the guy, before she has 'earned' them, she gets a little freaked and tends to back off.

My suggestion is for you to let her contact you next or, at the very least back off a bit before contacting her again. You might just want to come right out and invite her someplace instead of "hoping you can get together soon" so you can suss out if she actually wants another date or not.

Good luck.

[tremolo]

I think you sent her flowers before she earned them and now she's a little creeped out because you've kinda made her feel obligated in some way. The last thing anyone (not just girls) want is to feel somehow obligated to a person they are dating before they've made up their mind that they want them as a steady bf/gf. JMO but everytime I read about some guy who has sent flowers before a girl has actually done anything nice for the guy, before she has 'earned' them, she gets a little freaked and tends to back off.

I recently stopped seeing a guy for precisely this reason.

[tremolo]

Actually - it's not always even a matter of 'earning' the flowers, but simply that they were sent too soon, before the woman knows how she feels. You really need her to want you first in a rather serious way.

[dateman79]

Well the flowers were directed totally towards the school thing. All the note said was something about good luck in your last year of school. If the flowers creeped her out, she went above and beyond what she needed to say about them. How pretty they were ... how thoughtful they were ... what her mom thought about them... sent me pics, etc. I don't think the flowers are the problem.

[Wakeup]

Yes, I know. I took pictures of the ones I got many moons ago and wasn't really all that thrilled really because he made me feel obligated to make some kind of decision. I also thanked him profusely and I even kept one rose from the bouquet and pressed it in a photo album. I broke up with him about two weeks later.

It's too late now anyway, you can't unsend them and it was a nice gesture but it's a gesture I find that nice guys tend to do before the time is right. I don't know if what I predict is true.. but you asked for opinions and there's mine. You may want to remember it if you ever are thinking about sending flowers to someone in the future who has not committed to you yet is all.

Time will tell with this girl. Hopefully I'm full of shit and she'll be happy to see you before she goes or when she returns.

[dateman79]

Hmmm... I'm still surprised you think it's the flowers. I would actually be relieved if that's all it is. But again after I sent the flowers we had our best convo in a week. I asked all my guy and girl friends before I sent the flowers whether I should... and they all said yes. And they know our story very well.

My plan now is to let her enjoy her weekend trip and text her on Monday to see how the trip was and try to strike up a convo.

[Wakeup]

Just ask her out and strike up the convo when you're face to face out on your date. (don't text her, call her) She can tell you all about her trip over coffee/drinks/soda whatever. Forget about the flowers because at this point, it's water under the bridge.

GL.. let us know how it goes.

[dateman79]

I certainly will! Not sure about the calling though. We've known each other for 7 weeks and we've never once talked on the phone. Kind of weird I know. Kinda worried now that calling would be so out of the ordinary it would like an act of desperation.

[Wakeup]

We've known each other for 7 weeks and we've never once talked on the phone.

How sad! How sadder that you think speaking and hearing each other's voices could be interpreted as an "act of desperation." WTF has this world come to?

[dateman79]

haha ... very true. I did try calling her once a couple of weeks ago when I was sure things were still good. I left message and she texted back. I guess I could try calling.

[Wakeup]

Yes and if she texts back, text her to pick up the phone cause you're going to call her. You canNOt get her to bond with you over text. Humans need to hear voice reflection and facial expressions and emotes in order to become vulnerable to another. One must become vulnerable to another in order to fall in love with them.

[surfhb]

How sad! How sadder that you think speaking and hearing each other's voices could be interpreted as an "act of desperation." WTF has this world come to?

No ****in shit!! To the OP.....do not text this girl again....make sure you call her from now on....Jeesh!!! BTW....it was the flowers

[dateman79]

Wow you guys are making me regret a lot of stuff ... the no calling, maybe the flowers, and I already regretted turning her down for her sister's wedding reception. If it ends, I'm going to have a lot of regrets. That's tough to deal with.

[Wakeup]

Well, it's not over yet so relax but if it's bad news then don't be too hard on yourself. If nothing else you'll have learned some valuable dating stratgies that will help you to be sucessful in your future.