He looks at pics of another girl

[sapphire921]

I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for almost 1.5 years and have recently moved to Boston together. Anyway, when we first started dating he mentioned this girl that he use to flirt with and see at bars, nothing sexual happened between them. She also was a bit of a wild card, for example does coke... on a regular basis, parties often, and has no real goals for the future despite being in her 30s. Well, then my boyfriend met me, and I feel I'm a great catch, I am pretty, healthy, smart, have a good job. He is very lucky.

Here is the problem. I realize that he is always looking at pics of the girl mentioned above on flickr and on myspace. It really bothers me, this is a girl that he isn't friends with, has not talked to in almost 2 years, why is he still looking at pics of her or even thinking of her?

Well, a few months ago I mentioned that I'm uncomfortable with him doing this, and I told him I knew he looked at her pics all the time because I looked at his history (yes, that was a violation of privacy by me, but... I did it). During that fight all he did was yell and tell me how hurt he was that I looked at his history and doubted his faithfulness to me. Well, he deleted her myspace and said she meant nothing...

Recently, I have seen him looking at her pics again! I know my boyfriend loves me, and I can't see him contacting this girl (she lives in Seattle) or cheating on me.

My boyfriend also was in the Seattle music scene and really yearning for people (musicians or the skanky girls they hang with) to accept him. Furthermore, I feel I am the bright light in his life. Since meeting me he got accepted to law school (hence the move), stopped binge drinking, and smoking pot, and just getting his life on track. However, isn't there something just odd about his situation, I mean is he desiring her or what? Please help do I have something to worry about or am I just paranoid?

[kene]

Ok, I don't want to speak for all guys but here's my honest op.

In my life, every now and then, I run into a girl that just hits me at a total primal sexual level. I remember one time I was in New York and I thought I had seen the most heavenly creature ever.

There's also a chick I saw in a porno mag that just hits me as absolutely ****ing spectacular.

I would gladly look at them over time and not get sick of it. Same with one of my ex-girlfriends, just sex on two legs.

Hell, even sometimes during sex I think of her.

I think pretty much everyone thinks of someone else on occasion during sex.

But the point is this, THE MIND HAS MANY FACETS.

Some chicks are great Friday night chicks, but they're not necessarily the ones you want an actual relationship with. And just because these girls occupy SOME space in a guys head, don't take it personal. And don't think he doesn't love you. Kind of like if your significant other went to a strip joint.... don't take it personally.

If your his #1 and he will be faithful, that's enough IMO.

[ecojeanne]

I wanted to go the Paranoids Anonymous meeting, but they wouldn't tell me where it was.

yes you are being paranoid...all guys do this....its normal and it's healthy....hell it can even improve your sex life....you never know....let him look....he's not touching thats the main thing....he's just thinking that you are really insecure now

sorry to be harsh...

[starbuck]

You're probably just being paranoid, but it depends on how much he is looking at her pictures too. If it's once in a blue moon, then don't worry about it. If they've become his desktop wallpaper, then you have a problem.

[agatha]

Paranoid maybe!

Your bf maybe have an unforgettable
experience with that girl. that she always
reminisce that experience.

Just let her do that. Anyways that was only part
of his past . But try to tell him that you got
hurt everytime you see him looking at the picture
of the girl.