Issues, just tattoo it on my forehead.

[Heratriumphant]

My bf of 2+years just broke up with me. He told me that he just didn't see us working out in the long run, that we'd just end up divorced ten years down the road. (WTF!?!) said I'm amazing, he loves me and if he can't make it work with me than he knows he can't make it work with anyone. He wants to be friends with me because I'm one of the best friends he's ever had.

All of this came out of left field, we never really even talked about the future but he some how has it all figured out? He could have mentioned it if it was on his mind, but he never did he just gave up.

I told him that I can't just be his friend and he's some how horribly upset by this. He claims that he wants me a part of his life.

I'm so freaking confused and broken hearted by all of it, but I'm insisting on no contact from him. I know I'll just be prolonging the pain otherwise.

I know I personally have commitment issues, which is why I never brought up the future but it just kills me that he never did and was worried about it. I might be slow to move, but I would have tried for him.

We're both in our mid thirties, we both still love one another ( unless he was lieing to soften the blow), we fit together so well and have a wonderful time together, the sex was the best ever for both of us.

So what the hell just happened?

Do I just let this go? Maintain no contact? Or should I give it a week or so and ask him to reconsider and start over with a commitment to face the future and do the real work of being in a serious lifelong relationship?

[damn2008]

Well...number one, at least he was HONEST with you and didn't string you along like a lot of other couples. But I expect this from people in their 30's.

Sounds like you didn't get the whole story though and perhaps you should at least ask him "why?"...why he doesn't want to marry you, why he doesn't see a future with you? etc. etc. You at least deserve that explanation and you have to understand and respect his answers.

After that, you can gauge whether you want to try and make it work or just move on.

[Heratriumphant]

Thanks for that. I guess I really do need to talk to him at least on last time. I feel like a total ass though, because the last time he called me I asked to stop contacting me and stop trying to be my friend and give me a chance to get over this and move on with my life.

I freaking hate talking about my feeling and relationships ( did I mention that I have issues?)

I thinking I need to give myself a little more time to find peace before I talk to him. I also have to get over the embarasment of being the idiot that says "I never want to talk to again! Oh, wait a moment yes I do"

<sigh>

I'm afraid I might also owe him a apology. Looking back I think I did a lot to push him away.

[kai]

I think you've answered your own questions.

"I know I personally have commitment issues, which is why I never brought up the future but it just kills me that he never did and was worried about it."

I'm afraid I might also owe him a apology. Looking back I think I did a lot to push him away.

[Heratriumphant]

Yeah Kai I guess I can see that. What bothers me is that he never said anything until he was ending it.

I'm just wishing I could have seen it at the time. I didn't even know I wasn't meeting his needs, if I had of known he wanted more I would have at least tried.

I'm still feeling hurt and frustrated that he never gave me that chance.

I'm guessing that it probably sucks to have to actually ASK to have your emotional needs met, but how can you expect your lover to be a mind reader?

Still I'm feeling guilty, maybe I never let him know it was okay to ask me for more? I'm filled with a lot of regret and a keen sense of loss. I miss him, and I hate that I might have hurt him.

[kai]

I think it's better to learn the lesson and move on.

[Heratriumphant]

Hmmm... To try to just walk away at this point seems like more of the same from me. If I've been distant or shut off through the relationship I think he truely deserves me opening up and putting it all out on the table at least once.

I imagine it's too little to late, but it will help me look myself in the mirror. I'm way to old too just keep running.

[misombra]

let the guy go.

he probably wants to fuk around.

somebody here recently said that if you have good sex with a guy, that that guy could have good sex with anybody. i think that's mostly true. (who said that? charlieboy?)

i dated a guy exactly like this once.

[Heratriumphant]

Well if indeed he "just wants to fuk around" that would be great to know. If he's this old and reached this point in life and that's what he's looking for my only reponse would "don't let the door hit 'cha on the way out.

I am seriously too old for this shit.

[chump4u]

I'm afraid I might also owe him a apology. Looking back I think I did a lot to push him away.

.
I'd like to thank you for writing this, because it's rare to find someone who has enough emotional character to suspect that maybe they are part of their own problem. The usual approach in a forum like this is to ask "What in Hell is wrong with him (her)", and then to go into an increasingly frenetic rant about the total evil of the other person in a collapsed relationship. It's refreshing to find someone who can list their grievances against their ex, then say: "Wait a minute, perhaps I did something wrong, too?"
.

Still I'm feeling guilty, maybe I never let him know it was okay to ask me for more? I'm filled with a lot of regret and a keen sense of loss. I miss him, and I hate that I might have hurt him.

.
All the more reason to cut out thoughts of no-contact. Talk to the guy, and tell him that you see his point. I'll bet that if you tell him half of what you've said here, that'll be twice what he needs to gain a whole new attitude about your future together.
.

Well if indeed he "just wants to fuk around" that would be great to know.

.
You'd have known long ago, if that's the kind of guy he is; and he probably wouldn't have broken up with you if he wanted to "fuk around," he'd have just "fuked around" behind your back, and hoped to keep you on the side. That's the way the "fuk-around" types work.

[Heratriumphant]

Thank you for that post, really that means a lot to me.

The people I've talked to irl are stuck in this knee jerk " kick him to the curb" mindset and can't seem to grasp why I'm looking at my own issues instead of drinking mojitos and talking shit about my ex.

[Gigabitch]

I'm getting caught up on the fact that he wants to keep you as a friend and is "really hurt" that you aren't enthusiastic about this. What the FCUK is that all about? Is he some kind of emotional retard?

[Heratriumphant]

Is he some kind of emotional retard?

Ah, you have no idea how many times I've asked that exact question.

Frankly, I think yea he kinda is.

I've known this man for many years and generally find his flaws more endearing than crazy making.

On an emotional level he reminds me of Homer Simpson; sweet, well meaning but utterly f**king clueless.

[Gigabitch]

Bleh. Life is too short to waste your time with Homer Simpson in any regard.

[IndiReloaded]

Am I the only one that laughs at Homer but always feels very sorry for Marge?