Are u ready for love?

[Cloe]

Heard this over the radio, the guy was sharing on the 4 qualities that u need to have to cope with courting or in a marriage. U should have:
1. sense of security with yourself i.e. self-assured
2. the ability to put yourself in other's shoes
3. the ability to control yr temper
4. the ability to make decisions independently

I'll explain why he mentioned these 4 points. (1) sense of security with ownself. So that when u find love, its not about using the love to find your self worth. Something like that.. (2) be considerate, think of others. this point is quite obvious rite. (3) control your own temper. this is esp applicable to guys.. this is to avoid violence in a relationship. (4) independent thinker. relationship is healthier when both parties are able to make decisions rather than one leaning on the other all the time like parasite.

Well.. juz wanna share with everyone cos i v much agree with these points. having said that, i guess im not quite ready for a relationship.. anyone have anything to share on these points?

[Only-virgins]

Yea? so what does all this have to do with love? Courting and marriage are not the same thing as love. Love is an emotion. As far as I am concerned you just need a properly working human brain for that and luck.

[Lite]

Yea? so what does all this have to do with love?

The point being that it is far easier to have a healthy relationship with someone when you're a healthy well-adjusted person to begin with. Having a strong sense of who you are, what you are worth, and what you are capable of keeps you from attempting to use your partner to define these things for you. Which creates codependency issues.

[RSK]

the more i see lite's post, the more i am in awe of him! i couldn't have said it myself any better!

those are some really good points. personally, after revieing that list, i can safely say i am NOT READY FOR ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT!

but thanks for posting it. i can understand how they are essentials for a marriage. well, the most important for me anyway is the 'making decisions on your own'. right now, i am in that phase of my life. it feels great to be honest.

as for number one, being comfortable with my self, i can confidently say i am (well, almost).

number two i think is the most difficult for people (well, it is for me)

as for number three, i can't imagine too many people having this issue (i could be mistaken)


Very interesting, thx for posting!!

[Cloe]

Courting and marriage are not the same thing as love.

Goodness... obviously something is wrong with your mindset.. If a relationship or marriage is not based on love, isn't it pathetic?

[UKboy]

Yea? so what does all this have to do with love? Courting and marriage are not the same thing as love. Love is an emotion. As far as I am concerned you just need a properly working human brain for that and luck.

They're interwinded.
Marriage without constant progression,like a plant without water,withers anyhow.

[Only-virgins]

If a relationship or marriage is not based on love, isn't it pathetic?

Is that what I said, because I firmly remember that I said that they are not one and the same thing. I didn't say that love doesn't make a relationship stronger or it is based.

[Only-virgins]

The point being that it is far easier to have a healthy relationship with someone when you're a healthy well-adjusted person to begin with. Having a strong sense of who you are, what you are worth, and what you are capable of keeps you from attempting to use your partner to define these things for you. Which creates codependency issues.

Once again, wtf does love have to do with it than? I'm talking about love. You don't need a relationship with someone to love them.

Oh and since we are at it. You always depend on your partner and have them complete you in one way or another. If we were to reach a point where we don't need a partner do define things for us(even sex life) than we wouldn't date period...there would be no need.

They're interwinded.

That is great, but that doesn't make them one and the same thing. My point is that what was mentioned that is needed on this thread so far is needed for a good relationship and prepares you for a relationship...and not love. You can't be ready for love, love just happens randomly . I would completely agree with you morons if you people would word the questions to which you pose the answers for later properly. The thread should be "Are you prepared for a good/healthy relationship?".

[UKboy]

Once again, wtf does love have to do with it than? I'm talking about love. You don't need a relationship with someone to love them.

Oh and since we are at it. You always depend on your partner and have them complete you in one way or another. If we were to reach a point where we don't need a partner do define things for us(even sex life) than we wouldn't date period...there would be no need.



That is great, but that doesn't make them one and the same thing. My point is that what was mentioned that is needed on this thread so far is needed for a good relationship and prepares you for a relationship...and not love. You can't be ready for love, love just happens randomly . I would completely agree with you morons if you people would word the questions to which you pose the answers for later properly. The thread should be "Are you prepared for a good/healthy relationship?".

On the contrary,as i originally stand by,i would still.Marriage does not exist as a stand alone itself.To put it,marriage would require many exisiting support and the ELEMENT of courtship being one of them.Unless your every intention is to pull out of context,singuling the co-relationship of the element of courtship and marriage.And no doubt,a good working brain is merely one of the factored constituents for a marriage.
I delibrately left out the word "good" before the word "marriage" because like the colour black,one do not say "dark black" do they?Similarly,every relationship is desired with an initial intend of being good but we all know at some point,objectives and progression derails from the intended.
As for love being an emotion,i disagree.Love,to me is purely a consious commitment,more of a charecteristic than an emotion.Challenge it.Love exist across the board.From humanitarian work to siblings to parental.You do not need emotions to drive you to care.I do not need emotions to drive me to partake in any goodwill works do you?That emotions that came with 'love' isn't love,probaly lust and lust is another important unit in a relationship as well.It drives the relationship to the climax.Without lust,i probaly wouldn't be intereted in that girl that caught my eye and i pretty much dare bet sex life would be a real bored.
As for the very 1st post by the thread starter,i would remove option 3.It seems pretty redundant.

[Only-virgins]

On the contrary,as i originally stand by,i would still.Marriage does not exist as a stand alone itself.To put it,marriage would require many exisiting support and the ELEMENT of courtship being one of them.Unless your every intention is to pull out of context,singuling the co-relationship of the element of courtship and marriage.And no doubt,a good working brain is merely one of the factored constituents for a

All you had to say was "Our definitions of love contradict" and it would have been fine.

By logic alone:

Love is a good requirement for a relationship, relationship is not a requirement for love. Simple really, any 12 year old can get this. To me, everyone is ready for love. I fell in love the first time when I was about 8 years old. If you think I didn't you can go **** yourself. Only I can tell when I am in love or not.

[IndiReloaded]

There ARE two different ideas here. The first "are you ready for Love" and the second: "4 qualities that u need to have to cope with courting or in a marriage".

I'd say those qualities are more to do with relationship stability. They are not required for love, as OV correctly points out. In fact, its the presence or absence of love with any or all of those qualities that produces most of the problems we read about here on LF.

[Cloe]

Once again, wtf does love have to do with it than? I'm talking about love. You don't need a relationship with someone to love them.

Oh and since we are at it. You always depend on your partner and have them complete you in one way or another. If we were to reach a point where we don't need a partner do define things for us(even sex life) than we wouldn't date period...there would be no need.



That is great, but that doesn't make them one and the same thing. My point is that what was mentioned that is needed on this thread so far is needed for a good relationship and prepares you for a relationship...and not love. You can't be ready for love, love just happens randomly . I would completely agree with you morons if you people would word the questions to which you pose the answers for later properly. The thread should be "Are you prepared for a good/healthy relationship?".

What the heck?! My definition of love equates to a loving, stable, healthy relationship / marriage. Its that simple. Don't start telling me stupidity like chicken come before eggs or vice versa.. perhaps u ppl need to de-tangle that entangled, complicated head of yours.

[Cloe]

The point being that it is far easier to have a healthy relationship with someone when you're a healthy well-adjusted person to begin with. Having a strong sense of who you are, what you are worth, and what you are capable of keeps you from attempting to use your partner to define these things for you. Which creates codependency issues.

This is the best line that I've ever read in this forum. Strikes a chord in me.. cos i know deep inside me i've the desire to do juz that.. using the person to help me define my self-worth. Thanks

[Only-virgins]

What the heck?! My definition of love equates to a loving, stable, healthy relationship / marriage. Its that simple. Don't start telling me stupidity like chicken come before eggs or vice versa.. perhaps u ppl need to de-tangle that entangled, complicated head of yours.

Like I said. Different definitions of love. You just mentioned three things in there and somehow your stupid chicken brain thinks it is one...however my way of thinking is simpler so don't tell me I complicate things. Love is love, marriage is marriage, and a healthy relationship is a healthy relationship...and neither of those three are all one however they do compliment each other nicely.

[IndiReloaded]

Cloe, you admitted yourself you aren't ready for a relationship yet. This means you are very young, very inexperienced, or both.

So, you are still trying to organize these concepts in your mind. A good thing to be doing, btw. I wish more ppl thought about things like relationships more before jumping into them.

But keep in mind there are LOTS of ways to think about love & relationships. And such things mean different things to different ppl. My concept of Love is not the same now as it was 20 years ago. Love is one of those things that changes depending on the background of the person experiencing it.

You found someone on the radio who happened to say some things you resonate with. That's good b/c it made you think. But WHY do you think it resonated with you? Keep in mind that, just b/c someone says something (even on the radio, and certainly on the internet, lol) it doesn't mean they are an expert or correct.

In fact, in terms of love and relationships, there ARE no experts. Only something like this:


less experienced <------------------------------------>more experienced