Well, I am still relatively new to this forum, however I have received a great deal of help recently form you guys with a particular girl, and in turn have (hopefully) given some decent advice back to some of you guys.
A little history on myself, I am currently a 20 year old college student(almost 21), and am very close to finishing my AA. After I obtain my AA, i'm going to tour Europe for about 5 months, before coming back home, and moving to Cali to pursue a bachelor's most likely. I say most likely, because nothing is fully set in stone, and you never know what you might find along the way.
Basically, I have been overweight for a very long time. From about 5th grade, until the very day I graduated high school. Don't get me wrong, eating fast food everyday and playing video games all day was fun, but eventually I learned that there was more to life then this crap. Once I graduated, I attended the local community college here, and finally had my own car. As well as a gym membership, it just felt like it was finally my calling to lose weight, and finally start having experiences with girls like everyone else was. So basically, I went through high school with a blank record in the women department.
First semester of college, I lost about 50lbs. I was 220 when I graduated, and would go to the gym everyday to run for an hour. Once I lost a lot of weight and realized that fame was just around the corner, it really motivated me. I started drinking and partying shortly after this. Mostly because, I realized that most girls my age at the time, went to parties on the weekend, and was my best bet at meeting girls, and hopefully even hooking up with one. Basically, it didn't work like that, me and my good friend chased these 2 girls around for almost a year, drinking with them a lot, and nothing happening in the end.
It was clear, I had no game from my lack of experience, and basically ended up being a natural "nice guy" from being fat for so long in school. I lacked a lot of confidence, mainly from my looks, of course no one wants to date a fat person. I surely don't, so it was pretty clear that my looks have always held me back in life.
So, I went to parties a lot, still with no game. Drank a lot, started to get out of shape again, didn't hook up with anyone. It was starting to suck. Me and my good friend tried so hard, and never wound up with any girls in the end. We just didn't get it.
Skipping ahead a semester or two, I tried mushrooms for the first time. It opened my eyes, and gave me a new purpose in life, it showed me the path that I needed to follow, the path that was barely visible to me before I tried this 'sacred tool'. The very next day, I realized that I needed to learn guitar. Bought one that day, and found a teacher on craigslist. I began getting in shape again, and eating better. I quit playing WoW, and felt like I had finally answered my calling in life.
I still drank, and hit up parties with friends. I eventually hooked up with two different girls, slept with them, and well... wasn't what I had expected. The sex was great... but I always got an absence inside of my stomach the very next day. I guess deep down inside I always have wanted a relationship, but there are very few girls where I live in the first place, and just didn't know where else to meet girls my age.
Fast forward now, I am a completely different person then when I first entered college... I know exactly what I have to do with my life, and just have so much more knowledge in life itself then I did a few years ago. For the most part, I know how the politics of flirting works, and the basic do's and dont's. I don't hit up parties as much now, and if I do, it's just to chill with friends and stuff. I want a relationship, or just something more then a quick hookup at a party. I know I can do better then that.
My diet and exercise routine is superb now, I am in the best shape of my life, and yet still have a long ways to go. I have a lot of friends in school, and am overall a very laid back person to be around, and very witty in my humor, and really just enjoy making people laugh. My confidence is pretty high, although I still need a lot of work. Surely, I should be bf material, right?...
Well, i'm not that perfect, either. There is still a lot about myself that I don't know, and I am still holding back a lot in life, that I shouldn't be. As far as negatives go, I am still overly too nice, and sometimes make it too obvious too girls that I like them, making me seem too easy. I still get jealous a lot, though I am starting to realize it a lot more now, and I am working on fixing that.
I just have a very strong personality, very grounded in my beliefs and my direction in life, which some people like, and some people don't I guess. I still have problems with my looks. My friends tell me I look fine, but I still think they are biasing their judgment on our friendship, and simply don't want to hurt my feelings. So, here are my pictures. Honestly, tell me what you think. Trust me, I can handle it.
[url]http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/4043/currentb.jpg[/url] - Current pic
[url]http://img410.imageshack.us/img410/3670/ll2i.jpg[/url] - Long hair days..
[url]http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/9044/work2008.jpg[/url]
[url]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/9016/beachvm.jpg[/url]
[url]http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/7662/summer09.jpg[/url]
I have a very close group of great friends, have no trouble meeting new people, play guitar, value life and have purpose.... but there is something missing. Most of my friends are all in relationships, and have no problem getting into new ones if they end up breaking up. Now, we're all on the lookout for our soulmate, and im nowhere near ready to get married or to settle down, infact, it terrifies me. But... I still want to experience a real relationship. Someone that I can make love with.. and not have to be totally wasted when I do it. Just someone to have fun with, and share a part of me with.
But i'm missing something... something that all of my friends have. Is it just confidence? Am I still holding back from the way I think I look? I got rejected by the girl of my dreams(literally) last week. But you know what? I'm glad it happened. I've been living in 'what if' my entire life up until then, and realized that i'm 20 now... my 20s are supposed to be the best years of my life... I better not look back when im 40 and say "damn I coulda done so much better in my 20s".
Im on the edge of a breakthrough now, but need your help. Im ready to just say '**** it', and approach women that I think are hot, and just see what happens. Im leaving in 9 months anyway, and will be in Europe... the place I have dreamed about visiting my whole life. I hate protecting my own integrity. I see unworthy guys with beautiful women everywhere I go. I know I can do better then this. Being lonely sucks...
Does everyone go through this phase? Geez... what a ****ing wreck. Well, if you read all of this... hopefully someone can shine some light on me.