Help! I need advice. I want to get her back

[nascar311]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I need some un-biased advice. This could be a long post

A few months ago I started online dating and it was a great experience. I went out with 3 different girls until I met this girl named Laura in early January. We hit it off right away. We had an amazing relationship for 2+ months until almost out of nowhere she broke up with me last week over text message and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to deal with it.

Background information is that we're both 27. She's divorced. Her divorce wasn't finalized until October of 2010 but she said she went to counseling and all that stuff and was ready to meet a "nice guy." Her husband had been very mentally and verbally abusive to her. She said she made a list of requirements she wanted in a guy with her therapist and "I met all of the requirements."

When our relationship started I knew that she may be weary of getting serious too fast so I told her to be up front with me if she thought things were going too fast. I'm all about honesty and I just wanted her to share her feelings with me. Well we started having sex about a month in and after that we started dropping the "L" word and things were getting pretty serious. But she never said anything was wrong and we were very happy and this relationship really seemed like "the real thing." She was always complimenting me and saying the nicest things and of course I was in return as well.

Well she's in law school so she had spring break and went to DC with her sister. I decided not to bother her a ton while she was there because I wanted her to have a good time and I didn't want to be a needy boyfriend that bothered her about what she was doing all the time. We still talked every day but not as much as we usually did (and we usually talked almost all day every day). She got back from her trip and everything seemed OK. She called me the night she got back. The next day we talked during the day and everything seemed fine. Well then that Monday morning when we were texting she told me she was really freaking out about law school and all of the work she had to catch up on. So she cancelled our plans of hanging out that night. I was fine with it and told her to do what she had to do and we could hang out later in the week.

Well the rest of that Monday and then the day after she barely said a word to me. I sent her a couple of texts asking her how things were going and she was very short "Good, busy with school work" or didn't say anything at all. And on Monday night she didn't say Good night to me...which we pretty much did every night. So I'm freaking out knowing something is wrong but hoping she's just stressed with school work and she'll be fine once that passes. Well on Wednesday she breaks up with me, over text, while I'm at work. She said something like "I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now. I need to be alone. I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I need to be independent." Needless to say I was shocked.

Well of course I had questions and I was upset but she didn't really have any answers for me at the time. I care about her and she's a great girl so I didn't yell at her or make her feel bad. I just told her how much I cared about her and how I wish she would have been more honest with me in the beginning if she was stressed about the relationship moving too quickly.

So when she broke up with me I de-friended her on Facebook and took her number out of my phone. I didn't want to be tempted to send her lots of texts and beg her to take me back or even worse text her when I was drunk. It's been about 10 days and neither one of us has reached out to talk to each other.

I really miss her a lot and miss what we had together. It was real. Those 2+ months were darn near perfect. I now know that even though she never said anything I should have been more mindful of how serious we were getting so fast. But basically I want to contact her and do my best to get her back. She's worth it. We've both had some time to think and I think we had a great thing...we made plans for trips this Summer...heck she even bought bathing suits for the trip we were going to go on in June. Stuff like that is why I thought our relationship was great and I didn't have anything to worry about.

Basically I just want all of your opinions on if I have handled things the right way and what the best way to approach her would be. I definitely don't want to dump all of my feelings out right away and I want her to WANT to get back together with me. But really, I just miss talking to her and want to know how she's been doing. I've had a rough 10 days. I haven't had to deal with a breakup in awhile and forgot how hard it is.

Any advice you can give me on how to handle things is greatly appreciated.

Thank you

[DarkHelmet82]

your situation is similar to mine... just keep busy.... she sounds like she has some baggage.. and breaking up via a text is cowardly in my opinion.. i got through it you will too...

[nascar311]

Thank you Sir. Did you try to contact her and work things out? An update, one of my friends saw her out yesterday and had a little talk with her and she said I did nothing wrong that she just needed to be single right now...doesn't seem to be another guy in the picture. I want to give her her space...but I also don't want to sit on the sidelines if there's a chance we can get back together someday when she's ready. I've sat on the sidelines in the past and let great opportunities pass me by...and I'm not about to do that with this girl. Because she really is great. I just think looking back that she has a lot more issues/baggage than I thought. Maybe it was foolish of me to take her at her word and think she was ready for a real relationship only a few months after finalizing her divorce. Please keep the advice coming. It's helping a lot.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yes i did try and contact her and it didnt work out for me and I regretted it ever since. her answer was similar.. she just didnt feel it.... it wasnt another guy... but knowing that its not you should make you feel better...

[nascar311]

Thanks man. I do want to get her back though...but everyone says that no contact is the best way. It just goes against everything I feel and am used to. It's terrible to go from talking to someone all day, every day, to not hearing from them at all. I honestly just miss talking to her. And I wonder ifs he misses me and how she's dealing with it too. We had a really good thing. I just don't get it I guess. I want answers. My mind wanders when there's all this uncertainty like this.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah you cant think about it... its hard and you wont listen but if by some miracle i can convince you of one thing its this.....

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHNGE THE PAST

also when you find yourself thinking about her just think of something else.... you need to train your mind to stop reapeating things over and over

[bubabalo]

Every single person says NC is the best thing to do for you and to get back together with your ex. At the beginning I highly doubted about NC and kept breaking it, when I finally reached 14 days of NC. I think NC was working but like you I find very hard go to having someone in your life to NC at all.
I think you should give her space and stick to NC for a whole lot. I know it is very, very hard but do your best to not contact her. She will see if she really misses you.