Banes~sounds like you have a special connection with her, you care about her deeply and you know her. IF you guys feel this way about one another why dont you allow yourself to get closer? Obviously you share deep emotions and youre guyish thing is keeping you apart. Take baby steps in the relationship, let her know how you feel and where you are at...communication is vital in a relationship.
I have sympathy pains for my sweetie...I swear it! So maybe there is some cosmic thing you have going on, Im sure youre not the only one who has it. But you should take some initiative to find out why youre running everytime you get close again...and take the next step see whats going on with you, what are you afraid of? Take the risk!
everything happens for a reason...beginning to wonder why.