Can I make this work...?

[Indestructible]

Tricky situation, here... I don't want to go too far into the back story of things, but let's put it this way... There's this girl that I've been so crazy about for a long time, now. Er, well, it's been a few years since we've actually seen each other in person. But about this time last year, I managed to get in touch with her via MySpace, and she seemed to enjoy writing to me. Of course, at the time she had a boyfriend of about 8-9 months that she seemed pretty attached to, so I never pushed my luck with anything. I hinted that I'd like to see her again some time, and she actually had written that she wouldn't mind seeing me again, either.

Then at the end of last summer, she and her boyfriend broke up. I waited a few weeks, so as not to look too jumpy, but the timing sucked because she was about ready to go back to school (during the school year, she goes to a college that's about 1.5-2 hours away). I wrote her, directly asking about meeting up some time, and she just... never answered. I know she DID get the message, though. :/ I never understood why she said she wouldn't mind seeing me, earlier, but then flaked out when I asked her directly.

Feeling defeated, I didn't write her for a few months. Then after Christmas time, I worked up the courage to write her again. She wrote me back, and it seemed like she was interested in keeping a conversation going, but when I wrote her back, she stopped writing again. I just don't get her, man... So hard to read her... @_@ Anyway, recently, like, in the last month or so, she's made some interesting changes to her MySpace profile. For one, under the "Why you're on MySpace" section, she added the "Serious Relationship" option; that and she has a big blurb at the end of her profile how she really wants to meet a good guy for her, and that she's had her heart broken plenty of times in the past, and that life is too short, etc. etc.

So, I dunno... I know I shouldn't be getting my hopes up just because of that stuff she wrote on there, but I really wish I could take another shot with her, yanno? I mean, I think it's fair that I can assume the reason she flaked out about my message last summer is because she was going through a lot at the time, what with a breakup and a return to college being imminent. Now she seems in a better place in her life, but it's still difficult communicating with her, because all this online/ MySpace crap just makes things too hard, too many things get lost in translation, etc.

So what I'm asking here is, is there still a chance I can make this work? And if so, uh... how? This online stuff is too hard for me, I need some help bringing this into the real world. Earlier today, I wrote her, just trying to see what she's doing for spring break; I know last year, she came home from college, and on the off chance she comes home for spring break this year, too, maybe that can be my in?

And yeah, I know the easiest answer would probably be to just disconnect from her and not think about her, anymore, but I've had it bad for her for so long, I don't just want to walk away without seeing this through. If there's even a tiny chance I can make something come of this, I'm persistent enough to pursue it through to the end.

[Mish]

I don't know. I think if she was interested she would probably let you know the last two times you tried.

[Indestructible]

Eh, to be fair, I only really "tried" the one time, last summer. And like I said, isn't it possible that she wasn't interested then, because of what was going on in her life? Maybe now that things have settled down a bit for her, she'll be more open to the idea? I mean, obviously none of us can predict what's going through her head, but if she were REALLY uninterested in me, there are plenty of ways she could've disconnected herself further from me, that she hasn't done.

Besides, I never expected her to feel exactly the same way I do from the start; I think most relationships, online or off, tend to start with person A being interested in person B, and having to build up B's interest a bit in order to actually get the date. I just haven't really gotten to the "building up her interest" stage, yet, because I don't like having to do things online, like this, it makes things too complicated, in my opinion. I think I could do a lot better if I was able to actually meet with her, in person.

[Lahrell]

If she was interested you guys would have met up. It's not unlikely she has several guys hanging about and will only contact or come to you when those went wrong.

Get a nice girl that's willing to go for you where you live honestly.

[Indestructible]

Well, that's a chance I'm willing to take. Personally, I'd rather persist and see this through to the end, than just give up now and constantly keep thinking back about "What if...?". And in doing so, I expect one of two things to happen: she'll either eventually give in and give me a chance, or she'll be so turned off that she'll disconnect herself completely from me. Either way, it's better than just continuing to be stuck in this frustrating little limbo.

[Indestructible]

So anyone else have anything to toss into the pot, here?

[lilmama615]

I really feel like you still have some hope so don't give up. There's a possibility that she really isn't interested PERIOD but that's something you said you were willing to face. I've been there and I've been that girl.

Let me tell you right quick. Back in 2007, I was talking to two guys and you know when you do the process of elimination, I somehow chose this one guy. One of the men, we used to talk on myspace and on the phone and I'd see him when I got off work but we never had a date or never really did anything because I kinda just CUT HIM OFF and chose to be with the other guy--without any explanation to him and well, I didn't think I hurt him or anything because it was still fresh and we were JUST TALKING.

I tend to write blogs on my myspace about life, in general. The guy whom I had cut off would read my blogs on myspace back then and he sent me a message and told me that he read that I was interested in someone else so he kinda fell back and left me alone. We did run into each other a couple of times while I was with the other dude like he saw me when I was at the club with him but I didn't see him and I guess that's how it was meant to happen.

Needless to say, about 6 months into the relationship.. I felt that the guy I was with was a jerk and was doing a lot of hurtful things to me so I decided that I was gonna leave him. Somehow, the guy whom I hadn't talked to in that time period sent me a message again on myspace and asked me how I was doing and told me again that he had been wanting me for a long time.

Let's just say.. it's 2009 and we are NOW together. After a whole relationship that didn't work for me and me hurting him, we finally made it. I didn't mean to make this so long but yea, don't give up and what you need to do is just be upfront. Like you said, you know it's a possibility that she may not be interested but it's a chance that she MAY BE.

You just have to play ya cards right. Trust me, everything you did. He did as well... with giving me time to heal from the relationship and just pacing it. The first move you have to make is take the communication to the phone instead of just keeping it on myspace. The chase sometimes is just as wonderful as when you catch them because that time period that my dude had to wait for me? I chased him almost all of last year after the relationship that went sour before we got together and it makes me appreciate so much more everything we've both put into the relationship because I had to wait just as he did.

If it's meant to be, it'll find a way. My own experience itself proved that and if you still can't shake her then it has to mean something so don't give up til she makes it completely apparent that you are not the one for her and she is not willing to give you a chance. Good luck..

[Indestructible]

Aw, thanks, that was a nice story to hear. Of course, I'm kind of stuck at the "how" stage; I know I should be trying to shift communication to the phone and/ or actually meeting up in person, but I don't know "how". I'm not so experienced (and therefore, not so good) with coming off as "attractive" to girls, and I have a hard time writing things that would be interesting enough to really catch her attention. I just wish I was better at knowing what to write to her, and how to move things forward, but I always find myself at a loss.

[lilmama615]

Well, I'd just suggest you right out ask for her cell phone number. Just be like..so when can we talk on the phone? or do you think I can have your number so we can keep in touch? Make sure you establish a convo before asking for her number though. It doesn't have to be as hard as you're making it. The anticipation has probably gotten you so amp'd up and wanting to talk to her. Things like this take a lot of time. See how long it's been and you still haven't moved passed the myspace phase? Don't come on too strong if she does decide to give you her number. Just use whatcha got to get whatcha want. The main thing is believe in yourself because if you don't, nobody else will.

I liked the guy I'm with now back then TOO but I don't know... I just didn't see what he always has told me all along, I guess. He told me that since he's met me, he's just always had this feeling that I was the one or the prototype, lol. Maybe she doesn't see it either? Even though the best things in life are free--some things mean a whole lot when you have to work hard for 'em.

[Indestructible]

Hah, yeah, it's just hard because she seems to frequently flake out when I write her online. She seems like she really wants to not only start dating again soon, but find a serious, long term boyfriend, and it's just frustrating, because here I am, willing to offer that, yet I can't seem to get her to consistently keep writing with me. :/

I feel like I'm working on borrowed time, here, because who knows who might sweep her off her feet in the meantime, while I'm sitting here trying to think of something interesting enough to write that'll catch her attention enough to write back to me. And sure, even if she starts seeing some other guy, chances probably aren't high they'll end up together, but I just don't want to go through that again. I had such a hard time dealing with the fact that she was head over heels with that last guy she was with last year. This seems like the perfect opportunity for me to step up to the plate, but I'm stuck behind a computer screen, unsure of how to build her interest level so that she'll actually feel more inclined to continue contact with me.

This pent up frustration is getting to me, to the point where I almost feel like writing a message like "Ok, look, I'm tired of beating around the bush with things between you and me. I'm sure you know that I was pretty crazy about you back when we were kids, and yeah, I can't help but be a little curious to see if there's still something there. I know I've probably come off as a little weird, online, but that's just because this whole MySpace thing makes stuff more complicated than it has to be. I know it might not be the most convenient thing, but I'd really like to see you again, and just take things from there." Of course, that's probably WAY too forward, and would make me look bat **** insane, to her; but it felt kinda nice to just put all that out there, like that, even if she'll never actually see that message.

[lilmama615]

Yeah... that's way too forward. My boyfriend told me that he knew that guy I was with wasn't right for me and he just had to wait for me to see it for myself and eventually, I did. You had to wait but now she's free so don't let your chance become a regret. If she rejects you, at least you know you've tried instead of continuing with your life wondering WHAT IF.. since that's what you have been in turmoil with yourself about for quite awhile now.

[Mish]

Hah, yeah, it's just hard because she seems to frequently flake out when I write her online. She seems like she really wants to not only start dating again soon, but find a serious, long term boyfriend, and it's just frustrating, because here I am, willing to offer that, yet I can't seem to get her to consistently keep writing with me. :/

Most likely because she is not interested in you. Do you really think if she was interested in you she would be flaking out on you and acting like that? If she was interested she would be the one trying hard to get the conversation going.

If you really want an answer from her so you don't waste your time, ask her out. Tell her you would like to catch up with her and name time and place. Just be ready for a negative response.

[Indestructible]

But is it not possible to build her interest? People can change. Just because she's not "interested" in me now doesn't mean that there's zero chance she ever will be. I never expected her interest level to be exactly the same as mine. But the problem is, I don't know HOW to build her interest, especially given how complicated the situation is.