An interesting relationship predicament

[Charliewest]

Okay, So I'm in a weird situation when it comes to girls right now.

I'm torn between my girlfriend who I love and a Girl I find myself very very attracted to. Here's an idea of Who and what I'm dealing with exactly.

My Girlfriend who we'll call Emily. She's a quiet, nice simple girl. She's a couple months younger than me and we met through my sister. we've been dating for almost 9 months now and it's been a regular relationship with its ups and downs. I feel that while we have somethings in common it seems that we don't meet eye to eye often. We hardly have any mutual friends. She's also my ex girlfriends ex best friend which leads me to wonder what her motivations for dating me were. But I love her and my family loves her too.

Then there's the new girl. We'll call her Cassidy. Well, Cassidy is a very fun girl who is full of tons of energy. And I have A hell of a lot in common with her. She's pretty awesome and has good looks in my opinion. We have many of the same friends and we laugh together a lot. Now here's my troubles with her, I don't know if she likes me. She is a year older than me and she is in a different grade. The biggest problem I would have with her is the fact that I'm afraid of the reprecussions if I do pursue a relationship with her. The biggest being the fact we are on a sports team together... a football team. I don't know what people would say about two football players dating. Even then I don't really know if she's interested, she maybe being a friend/teammate except the fact that we talk about some deep stuff and she even flirts. I can't tell because one second she seems interested and then the next she doesn't (well, its more days than seconds).

A big problem with this is they really don't like eachother. "Emily" definitely feels threatened by "Cassidy" and her friends spread rumours about Cassidy and I. Now Emily is entering a super protective mode and she asks to see my text messages and log onto my Facebook to read my messages. She is definitely afraid of me cheating on her with Cassidy. Now, Cassidy has tried to resolve any issues with Emily but they can hardly look at eachother without almost getting into a fight. Emily wont talk to Cassidy and she seems like she wont be satisfied until Cassidy is gone except I have a strong bond with Cassidy that isn't going to go away anytime soon. Emily is also doing a lot of things to try and keep me interested in her (as if I was disinterested) and the biggest factor being the S word, thats right... Sex. She's been really acting far more promiscuous than usual.

Another weird thing is that Cassidy will talk to me about very personal issues that she wouldnt dare speak with our teammates about, but I'm wondering if it's because I'm such a nice and open person and that she feels comfortable talking about that stuff because of that or because she likes me.

So Yeah, i'm definitely stuck and I need the 2 cents of some anonymous third parties who have no stake in it.

and please be respectful.

Thank you,
CharlieWest

[vashti]

Emily is right to be on guard. You are considering leaving her for Cassidy, for crying out loud! What else would you expect? Unfortunately, because of her love for you, she is placing the blame for this scenario at Cassidy's feet when YOU are solely responsible.

I think if you love Emily, you need to quit fantasizing about Cassidy and stay away from her. You are playing with fire, and are about to crush your girlfriend's heart.

If on the other hand you don't love Emily, then break up with her. This decision should have absolutely NOTHING to do with whether or not Cassidy will date you later.

You should know that this is a test of your character. Throughout your life, you will find yourself attracted to people whhile you are intimately involved with someone else. It's normal. Now is the time to decide how you will handle yourself.

[Lite]

Well, let's start with the basics here.

You feel that Cassidy is coming on to you, even though she knows you have a girlfriend. That right there is big red flag behavior. She doesn't respect you, your relationship, or your girlfriend for that matter. Nor are you expecting her to do this.

So, you should save Emily the shame of you cheating on her by breaking up with her now, because basically you're asking us which girl you should choose. I'm not a grass is greener kind of guy, but you need to do right by Emily. Whether it's by ending the friendship with Cassidy or by ending the relationship with Emily.

In this case you pretty much cannot have your cake and eat it too.

[Gigabitch]

You need to break up with Emily immediately, IMO. If this situation goes any further as it is, Cassidy is going to end up with her hair set on fire and you're going to end up with your dick superglued to your thigh.

[Charliewest]

You guys are making a lot of sense however it is a a lot more complicated than simply going for one or the other. For instance, While I am very involved with Emily she has almost no respect for my opinion and has quite a number of double standards. And while I do like Cassidy I believe that she is more of someone who is in a way making me look at my relationship and where it is going.

And as for the supposed red flags, she does have respect for Emily and my relationship however she does understand the state of it and just seems to be waiting for it to end.

And like I said, Cassidy and I are just close friends and maybe she is just flirty, a lot of girls are like that. I guess this is all pointless as I have probably already made a decision.

[Lite]

You guys are making a lot of sense however it is a a lot more complicated than simply going for one or the other.

I guess this is all pointless as I have probably already made a decision.

It's not a lot more complicated, you just want to think it is because you feel there are extenuating circumstances related to your inability to make a decision and hurt one or the other, rather than drag them both through the emotional mud.

Yep, it sounds like you already had made one. Doesn't mean you still can't change your mind. Either way you need to make a decision and let one of them grieve and go on with their life.

[Bo]

i don't think it's complicated at all, it's actually your emotions and feelings that makes it seem complicated. I think this is a case of a selfish bf who is on the verge of cheating, and can't make a decision. And as u've stated obviously u and your gf are having some issues with her not respecting your opinions or what not..have u even tried talking to her about this? if you're not happy with emily than hell, break it off. But if u care about her as your gf the least bit you better kick cassidy the **** out or make it clear that she's just a friend and keep it that way.

[Bo]

i'm also going to add, while you mentioned that you're not even sure if this cassidy girl is truly interested in you.
(who DOES NOT respect your relationship if she's flirting with you).
you have a gf right there waiting for you and willing to make the efforts to keep you there which she shouldn't have to, why are you even contemplating a decision? isn't it obvious enough? come on put two and two together....

[Charliewest]

Well, I've made the decision to work out my issues with Emily and it looks like everything is going to be alright between us. I am going to talk to Cassidy soon about making clear that I just want to be friends with her. The best case scenario is that she agrees without a snag and it all works out and no one gets hurt, the worst case scenario is that she was really crushing on me and will be devastated, But I'm sure she will survive.

The last thing I want to do is hurt people and I believe that I have made the decision with the least pain involved and so far appears to be the most beneficial.

I've learned from all this that rather than cut and run when things seem to be going downhill in a relationship that it is better to work together with the one who you are involved with.

[Gigabitch]

Make sure that by "friends" with Cassidy, you mean "acquaintances". Don't be emailing her, calling her, texting her, etc. If you're really going to make a go of it with Emily, Cassidy is going to have to GO.

[1averagejoe]

Make sure that by "friends" with Cassidy, you mean "acquaintances". Don't be emailing her, calling her, texting her, etc. If you're really going to make a go of it with Emily, Cassidy is going to have to GO.

I agree completely. If you run into her, it's fine to chat. But you need to be more of an "acquaintance" with her. Texting, e-mailing, haning out will only bring back the feelings you have for her and instill more doubt into emily about what you're up to.

[Bo]

giga is right