Girlfriend still talks to summer fling/friend

[dmacfour]

I need some help figuring out how to handle this/if I should be worried. I started dating this girl the first week of school, and things have been great. We work almost perfectly as a couple, and the last two months have been the best two month of my life that I can remember.

But something has been making me more and more uncomfortable as time goes on. She had a fling over the summer, and she now considers the guy a very good friend. He lives a few states away, but they still text most nights of the week. She says that she sees him as a friend, and that their fling was a friends with benefit arrangement. However she agrees with me that he probably got attached and has feelings still. She told me I shouldn't feel threatened by him, and that he is her only friend that has been respectful of the fact she has a boyfriend.

One thing that bothers me most is some of the texts I saw.


Him: If you didn't have a boyfriend I'd have something else to give you in a bow
her: hahahahaha

On a different date:

Him: (random stuff) ...I'd do you.
Her: You already did haha
Him: Yeah right. JK I enjoyed the sex.
Her: So did I.
Then they went back to normal conversation


My girlfriend is very open and nonchalant about the past in the first place, so it doesn't really surprise me that she would openly talk about that stuff. And it doesn't look like she's flirting back sexually. But it still bothers me a lot. She doesn't know I saw the texts, so I don't want to bring that part up (I feel bad for snooping a little). I'm just really bothered by how often they text.

So what do you guys think I should do?

[doppelgaenger]

Ha! That would have been instant dealbreaker for me.

[xxazurexx]

The guy has the hots for her that much is pretty obvious.

She is probably telling the truth and when she says it was just a 'friends with benefits' thing. In the chat he doesn't say he has feelings or loves her....he seems focused more on the physical (sex).

I'm thinking that if she really liked this guy and viewed him as relationship material, why would she be with you and when the opportunity is there and to be with him?

[dmacfour]

The guy has the hots for her that much is pretty obvious.

She is probably telling the truth and when she says it was just a 'friends with benefits' thing. In the chat he doesn't say he has feelings or loves her....he seems focused more on the physical (sex).

I'm thinking that if she really liked this guy and viewed him as relationship material, why would she be with you and when the opportunity is there and to be with him?

That is a good point. She values our relationship more than a lot of things (according to how things have gone). But I'm just worried he going to try to make a move and get physical with her over break.

[Ariadne]

I don't think there's much to be worried about here. Being a very jealous person myself, I can totally understand WHY you're worried, but it sounds like you've already confronted her about your concerns and she's addressed them the best way she can. Beating a dead horse will just push her away--possibly into his arms.

Keep an eye on this, though. I think that guy would try something. Whether your girlfriend would is another matter, but still. Going through her phone isn't a good idea, tempting as it is. It's a breach of trust. But if she seems to be especially into texting him, don't be afraid to ask what's up and pay attention to her facial expressions and body language when she answers.

[girl68]

That wouldn't fly for me. If you honestly trust her, as in he makes a move and she shuts him down, permanently do you believe that? I don't I think she likes having this open flirtacious relationship.

[dmacfour]

That wouldn't fly for me. If you honestly trust her, as in he makes a move and she shuts him down, permanently do you believe that? I don't I think she likes having this open flirtacious relationship.

I think she would shut him down. But I doubt she would stop talking to him all together... She considers him a close friend now.

I don't think there's much to be worried about here. Being a very jealous person myself, I can totally understand WHY you're worried, but it sounds like you've already confronted her about your concerns and she's addressed them the best way she can. Beating a dead horse will just push her away--possibly into his arms.

Keep an eye on this, though. I think that guy would try something. Whether your girlfriend would is another matter, but still. Going through her phone isn't a good idea, tempting as it is. It's a breach of trust. But if she seems to be especially into texting him, don't be afraid to ask what's up and pay attention to her facial expressions and body language when she answers.

What can I do to calm myself down and stop worrying so much about it?

[IncognitoSir]

That wouldn't fly for me. If you honestly trust her, as in he makes a move and she shuts him down, permanently do you believe that? I don't I think she likes having this open flirtacious relationship.

Thank you girl68, its REALLY ****ing obvious that this is a serious issue, I can't believe this is even being debated honestly. She's chatting with her old **** buddy while dating you. So what if he's just focused on the physical and his feelings might not be involved. Does that make it any more acceptable, NO. I bet he's saving up to come visit his "friend" sometime soon, what you think? Then what?

[girl68]

I think she would shut him down. But I doubt she would stop talking to him all together... She considers him a close friend now.

What can I do to calm myself down and stop worrying so much about it?

You are not okay with her talking bout her sexcapades. You tell her so. She may say, no "babe, you had your chance..." and then on with the overly flirtacious reminsing about that old days where they'd get down and nasty. You're clearly not going to just "get over it".

[sapha1]

tbh id go mental if myself fount that ! say ur not happy with the text messages and it shud stop !
if u was to put her in the position u are now things would b so different !

[justcheckin]

The guy has the hots for her that much is pretty obvious.

She is probably telling the truth and when she says it was just a 'friends with benefits' thing. In the chat he doesn't say he has feelings or loves her....he seems focused more on the physical (sex).

I'm thinking that if she really liked this guy and viewed him as relationship material, why would she be with you and when the opportunity is there and to be with him?

because they are so far away from each other.

[dmacfour]

I talked to her during lunch today.

I told her that he probably likes her, considering that he is the one initiating every text convo, and I don't feel comfortable with him being around her one on one, because I don't trust that he won't make a move on her.

-She is aware and agreed not to do so.
-She tries to be oblivious to the fact that guys don't want to be "just friends".
-I made her understand that it doesn't matter that we're dating; every other guy she knows that isn't gay is waiting for a chance to get with her.

[misombra]

If she did it then then she'd probably fuk again.

[dmacfour]

If she did it then then she'd probably fuk again.

Care to explain?

[misombra]

She still likes him. You're around because they can't work it out either because he lives too far or he won't commit. 100% guaranteed that when you guys break up she's gonna go right after that fling again. She still talks to him so they can keep each other one their line.