i miss her

[arnoldrunner]

long story short: had a girlfriend for a year and a half and then we broke up because we went to colleges very far apart that required a plane to visit. The phone wasn't enough for me. Neither of us cheated on each other and when we were together its really easy to see the chemisty between us. We're a lot of fun together and we make others around us have fun too. After the break up we stayed friends because we get along so well and we still once in a while talk on the phone and we see each other during college breaks. She had a new boyfriend a few months after we broke up but at the time I was trying my best to get over her and I had been with other women too. It didn't last too long and I was happy when they broke up. Its been almost two years since the break up and i had a new years party and in she walks with her latest boyfriend from school. I was absolutely devastated and through clues throughout the week she figured it out and made me talk to her after her boyfriend left. I told her I never got over her and that i couldn't see her anymore. I think she felt similar since she cried, was mad that i didn't tell her sooner, and asked me how I'd have it "in a perfect world." What am I suppose to do? I need this girl back or I have to get over her for good. I've played the field, it doesn't work. Even if for some strange reason she did take me back we are still in new jersey(me) and florida (her)and she doesn't plan to leave. WHAT DO I DO, I LOVE HER SO MUCH?! If you want to know more about us i'll even let you read a 12 page (single space) good-bye letter that I wrote to her.

[The Great OV!!!]

That is the strangly one of the nicest stories in a heartbreak kind of way I have read on here...and people know me for not being mushy mushy kind of dude. Distance is an a$$, it ruins relationships. I don't know what to say. What exactly do you need help with? it sounds like you two were good together...what the hell. I think you know your options but just are hoping for some easy ones to show up. You have to make the distance much shorter between you two and then go and try and fight to get her back.

[Soulfire]

I would love to read the letter.

[Mathias]

Oh, man, you didn't actually let her read the letter?

[Gigabitch]

It ain't over till it's over. For now, the distance makes it impossible. Later, who knows?

If it were me, I'd be moving to Florida. Why are you still in NJ when your heart lives in Florida? Get a U-Haul.

[michaelmorgan]

Before I get to the point:

How much do you believe in...chemistry? Would you start everything again in Florida? Do you imagine your life could be worse than now if you would, somehow, end up there? If the way you are right now means a completely unhappy and devastated you, then perhaps going somehow after how can become an option.

Now I won't spoil you at all:

HOWEVER, as I have experienced and created both amazing chemistry and also did have some long distance relationships, let me ask you something else.
What are both of you willing to do for this incredible (as you say) chemistry?
Until now, you have somehow tried to make it work...but I really think you haven't tried enough.
A long distance relationship can and will strengthen your connection and chemistry if you allow it to.

I understood one day that in order to make love happen you really need AT LEAST two things - chemistry AND emotional maturity. As you communicate shy or frustrated, MY personal opinion is that BOTH of you need to work on your emotional maturity. FAST!

I agree with you that having a fabulous chemistry is rare, especially if you have tried seeing other girls and still couldn't make it happen as great. And I respect your chemistry 100%. HOWEVER, if YOU and HER respect your chemistry, then you two should really start communicating honestly your needs, expectations, fears, frustrations and DREAMS as soon as possible.

As lots of us seem to fear the distance, I promise I'll finish in the following days a complete, real life documented post about how to keep love strong regardless of the physical distance between lovers. I'll dedicate it to you and your lover, to your chemistry and I hope she will still be around your town when you will discover what I will share with you.

Just a small tip for you right now: a long distance relationship starts WAY BEFORE one of you goes away.


I hope you will pay attention to this, as it will change your (love) life IF you take responsibility to turn this chemistry into real, rock solid love.
PS: I would love to read that 12 page letter before I dedicate my future post to you. Feel free to send it at:

[email]michael@theneedforlove.com[/email]

[arnoldrunner]

why won't I move down there? several reasons. I'm still in school, she does indeed have a new boyfriend and I don't know if she'd take me back, I'm only 20 and I'd be leaving everything I've ever known including best friends, my track career, and my mother behind. Plus I'm born and raised a beach person, I surf and lifegaurd, I don't know if I could exist without a beach. Also even if none of my previous reasons existed she is in school for accounting and I wouldn't want to **** anything up for her. I dont' want her mind on her exboyfriend who is trying to live his life like a movie by going down there to get her back. She has a tight group a friends down there and one of them is the new boyfriend. I'd instantly be hated by her crew just because I'm his opponent and their loyalty lies with him, not me.

And yes I let her read the letter. I wrote it a week ago and just recently sent it by mail, but I haven't regretted writing it yet and I doubt that I will. If it accomplishes nothing else, at least I won't have to pretend the next time she comes home.

To Soulfire: if you really want it give me an e-mail and you can have it.

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, it's too bad they don't have any beaches in Florida.

You are worried about leaving your mother and you're 20 freaking years old? Never mind what I said before. Now I'm pretty sure your ex isn't going to take you back anyway.

[arnoldrunner]

First off you don't know where she lives in Florida, not all of it is by a beach. Second off I don't know if ur last post was completely necessary, you are indeed as a advertised a "gigabitch." I hate when people think that just because people are young they are completely naive and don't know anything about life. I know I'm 20 and I know it most likely won't work because we're so young, but I also know how I feel right now and it sucks. I got news for you, a lot of people that get married loved before and I've heard men tell me that they loved other women more than their wife, but it was just "time to get married." So if you believe that I know nothing because I'm young then I'd say you are just as ignorant as I am. Just because you are older doesn't mean you have a bigger heart than I do, especially when it comes to this girl.

[vashti]

Wow. Bitter.

[Gigabitch]

First off you don't know where she lives in Florida, not all of it is by a beach. Second off I don't know if ur last post was completely necessary, you are indeed as a advertised a "gigabitch." I hate when people think that just because people are young they are completely naive and don't know anything about life. I know I'm 20 and I know it most likely won't work because we're so young, but I also know how I feel right now and it sucks. I got news for you, a lot of people that get married loved before and I've heard men tell me that they loved other women more than their wife, but it was just "time to get married." So if you believe that I know nothing because I'm young then I'd say you are just as ignorant as I am. Just because you are older doesn't mean you have a bigger heart than I do, especially when it comes to this girl.

No, you didn't get it. I meant that you are 20 years old and should cut the apron strings. That means moving more than ten minutes away from mom. Yeah. Didn't think you wanted to hear that.

Florida is surrounded by beaches, and even if you didn't live next door to her, anywhere in Florida is closer to her than New Jersey.

So....... next excuse?

Never mind. Just cut ties with her and move on with your life. With your mom.

[arnoldrunner]

and just quit school for her and expect her to not only take me back, but expect her to provide for me financially for the rest of my life since I through my college education out to the window. Somehow I dont' think that's the correct decision no matter how much I miss her. that would push her away even more since she is very focused on her own education and would not appreciate me throwing mine away, but after all it is simply an excuse as you say so what am I waiting for, I'll start packing right now.

[The Great OV!!!]

Giga and Vashti, wtf? He is being logical about his decisions and you bash him for it. Cut the apron strings? what if it is him taking care of his mom now and not his mom taking care of him? Some people have no respect for their parents I swear. My mother raised me and made me into who I am, I feel sorry for the bitch that makes me choose between her and my mom cause the door will hit her face really hard.

Anyways, I really don't know how to help you. You have lots of reasons to stay where you are and same with her...but...is it worth dropping all that for a person that just went out and got another boyfriend? think about that!. Come on man, just do your thing. Good person I knew always said that a person who loves you will stick by you and if they can not they will WAIT. People are impatient these days...that....or just not in love most of the time. She seems to be moving on really well without you there, doesn't that bug you a bit?

This losing a loving girlfriend/boyfriend over a trip to live at another college is not a new problem. Hell, they made movies about it. It is one of those contradicitions that is hard to solve. You are damned both ways. You either set your career and life up and lose a lover or keep her and lose many opportunities to be more successfull. There is no answer, which sucks cause I want to help you because I know you came here looking for reasonable help.

I've heard men tell me that they loved other women more than their wife, but it was just "time to get married."

Foolish men. Don't become like them arnoldrunner, they regret it everyday as they lay with a one person and dream of another.

[arnoldrunner]

hey gigabitch remember writing this?

"I went to see him in California last month and we reconnected in a very physical way. Now we are e-mailing and talking on the phone, but not enough for my taste, and we're both pretty stumped about what to do with this whole California / New Mexico problem. Neither of us is planning to relocate."

Take your own advice, that took about 5 minutes of research on this forum. This is my last reply to you, but I just can't get over the way you replied to me after I was desperate enough to find this forum to look for help and neutral place to vent.

[arnoldrunner]

to The Great OV: i talked to her for 2 1/2 hours at 5 am this break about shit. I don't know if she is really over me. She said she thought she meant nothing to me because I went dating right away. The truth is I dated a girl because she was very very goodlooking and my friends sort of peer pressured me into it. The girl was starting to get attached, but I dropped her on her ass because I missed my ex-girlfriend so much. Those details aren't really important, but basically until this week she thought i was over her and that is why she has moved on. She even talked about specific times during the summer and even specific moments where she wished I kissed her when we were hanging out together. I know she has a boyfriend, but I can't say how much she is actually over me because I just don't know. She did actually say to me that night "you never know what can happen in the future." I do know for a fact that she is scared to lose me as her a best friend, but I honestly don't know how much further it goes than that.