Advice wanted!

[Chris819]

Hello to you all.

I am a 40 year old male living in England, have been separated for 2 years now and divorce is nearing completion (happy with this). I have met a wonderful woman online, who is also in the same position as me, who lives in Northern Ireland and have flown out to meet here and we both really enjoyed each others company and have since been talking on the phone and arranging further visits.

I really like her and would do anything to be with her, even move closer to her. The problem is she is having lots of grief from her ex and is under a lot of pressure from him, making her slightly depressed (mortgage problems). Obviously I have to take things slow and would be willing to be friends with her until the end of time waiting for when she would be ready for a serious relationship. I think she has 'problems' (not a good word to use) because of previous relationships and is scared of being hurt again, plus she has children to protect. I really do understand this, i really do.

My friends say I am wasting my time and should move on, but I really don't want, as I have said I would wait forever for her. I believe that just being there for her and enjoying our time together as friends is the correct thing to do, taking things slowly until one day she may be ready to move on.

Question to all of you is am I mad as my friends suggest, or should I honestly follow my heart?

[xxazurexx]

How long has she been seperated from her ex?

Is she aware of your feelings? Have you two talked romantically and in regard to where things may lead? Do you have any clue in regards to if she even sees you in 'that' way?

I'm thinking you have all these plans for her, yet she may not even be feeling the same way. More info would help.

[Chris819]

Many thanks for your reply,

Yes she is aware of my feelings for her and I have told her that I would just be friends for now until she is ready. She has been separated for a year and a half. We have discussed where things may go and yes romantically also. We speak for ages on the phone when we are apart. She has said that she really likes me and would love to continue meeting up to see where things will lead, I just know she doesn't want to be hurt (which she has told me) and wants to take things slow.

[xxazurexx]

OK, well I can understand that she wants to take things slow. The timing is just all wrong at the minute unfortunatley, but she's willing to stick around, have you both meet up again and see where it goes so I think that's a good sign.

I was kind of in her posistion a couple of years ago, having personal problems in my life, etc and around about that time I'd met a guy also and online. I'd really really liked him, but it had also been the last thing I had been looking for. Sometimes things just happen though.

I was just in no rush and due to all the crap I was having to deal with in real life. I knew that while I was having to deal with what I was, that I wouldn't be able to give my all to a new relationship and to give him the 'best' of me.

I think that sometimes he would read it that I didn't have 'that' much interest and that I was making excuses and because I wasn't as keen to rush as he was. But that was just so not the case. I'd assure him he was not wasting his time, that I was really interested in pursuing things and not to give up on me. Just let me get things sorted at my end, then we can start to concentrate on 'us'

Take no notice of your friends. Follow your heart and I wish you both luck

[Chris819]

Many thanks for your post.

You are right in how you say it, especially as you have personal experience. I understand that she has all this added pressure and will be taking things slow with her, just being there for her and helping wherever I can, with no added pressure. By posting this question I was not having doubts about her at all, it was just to get some second advice from people I do not know instead of the move on response from my friends.l

I should follow my heart, you are totally right.

Thank you

[the ice man]

Are you waiting for wasting your time?