Should I giver her a chance? again

[snoz]

This is a long story but I'm just stuck as to where to go regarding this so I hope you all take the time and read through it and see what you make of it.

This is the girl that I went out with for 5 years. We've been through a lot together. When her life was upside down I was there to lift her back up and when I went through depression she was there to pull me back to reality. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one at the time but little did I know how naive I was.

I say that because I met her when she was 16 and me being 18 so in some respect we're still kids to say the least. During the time together she's become family, her family became my family and not until recently did I find out that I'm very much adored and missed in her family.

This is where the heartache comes. Late Last year out of the blue she became cold all of a sudden and only to find out that she had cheated on me, to make things worse it was the guy who told me instead of hearing a sugar-coated version from her. Needless to say I was under such excruciating pain for a few weeks but I kept telling myself we've had our time and to let this go and find a new girl. In all honesty I made myself to believe we were both at fault since she did mention she wanted a break few months before the breakup. So in forgiving myself I guess I forgave her in the process.

Needless to say the second my life was back on track after some on and off with a different girls since then I came back into contact with my ex. I still cared about her but I believed nothing would happen and I never tried anything. During that time that we were friends she had broken it off with the new guy (who faked a suicide to get her attention from breaking up with her) and we went out a lot as friends because I felt she might've needed someone by her side to get through all of this.

At first she started to try and hold my hand and I would hold on to it for a few seconds then let go and return a smile but nothing more as I told myself she's confused just let her be. Of course old injuries came back and I asked myself why am I being so nice right now? But all in all I was just glad I didn't lose her as a friend.

Last month it finally happened and she made the kiss and I didn't back off this time. We went out maybe once a week as I said I'll give her breathing room to recover from what happened. My guard was still up. Weeks went by and she started to say she loves me and made the usual Mwa sounds over the phone as we said goodbye, that's when I started to believe her and I dropped my guard to embrace her once again.

Little did I know within that week she suddenly became distant once again. Only for me to question her about what's going on and she just said "I'm sorry I shouldn't have kissed you, I was confused and that feeling of love for you is love as best friends".

I keep pondering to myself I'm one unlucky bastard but at the same time maybe she WAS confused, I have such faith in people. I kept telling her to give me the truth as it'll hurt me much less than sugar-coating it like the last time around. All she said was she didn't feel the same and she gave it a try and I'll believe her on that one.

I can only feel so utterly betrayed once again as a lover as I had to guess when we were out today what exactly happened. I couldn't help myself because I'm the type who like to be crushed completely because I don't want a sense of hope. Turns out it's exactly like last time and she had gone out and hooked up with this guy for one night and now she's giving him a chance over me.

Sure my pride took a hit but I recovered from it last time but she still wants to be best friends and as much as I tried to I just can't look at her the same way. What happens if she breaks up again? Should I be here for her and be lured into a false sense of security once again? She's family to me, she has a very special place in my heart but I don't want this to be a pattern. Simply because I don't want to hate her because in all honesty I believe her to be just as beautiful on the inside as I first met her. I'm quite happy to be friends but I'm not sure if I could do best friends and end up hanging out and doing stuff that we use to do as lovers or whatever it is that attracts her to me.

[wilsongan]

How come no one replied to you. Man. From what I read, you're just one heck of a great guy. Now I have gotten into situation and I know there will be a major two groups of people. One, tell you to love yourself and kick her off, another will say, you decide think about it.
I'd say, you're a great guy. She's not. ASK her straight to the face if she's ready for a commitment with you long term! If her answer is NO. You just keep your mouth shut. And get your girls around you whom you love. If you finally love someone and she returns, tell her its too late. If she returns before, ASK her again if she's ready for a long term commitment. People can change. Yea she's done it before, but there is such thing as change and I truly believe it. Of course, there are possibilities of no changes taking place.

But hey, isn't life a risk most of the time. Are you ready to get hurt? Well, ready or not. There will be hurt. So just ready yourself. And go for it!