Should I stay or should I go? Advice Please :(

[Loulou08]

Hi Everyone

Im 27 and my partner is 32, we been together almost 4 years now. I live with my parents and he lives by himself in a house owned by his parents. I really want to move out and for us both to live together but the feeling isn't mutual. I have a good job and could comfortably afford our own place, he however isn't in such a well paid job and doesn't want to make the move and take our relationship to the next level. We have had a few problems over the years and dont get to see eachother often due to work commitments so I thought living together would be a positive step as we would be going to bed and waking up together. However he isn't ready for this and basically told me that he is too immature and doesn't want to move out any time soon (wont give my any kind of timescale either). I'm really hurt that he doesn't want to live with me He has zero ambition for us and it's come to the point where I feel so insecure about our relationship! We have recently argued about this and met up earlier today. We both agreed that we really don't want to split but that maybe we should as we want different things. I really don't want to split up with him but we can't go on like this. I see all my friends getting married and having kids, seems like il never get that if i stay with him. What do I follow my heart that wants to be with him or my head that says to leave??

[michelle23]

only you can make that decision. it doesnt sound like he is committed to you. you said you hardly see each other? so how do you know if your truly compatable if you havnt spent a whole month together seeing each other everyday? it could be a total nightmare living with him and you could break up within 6months but you dont no unless you try. until you live together you dont know how strong a couple you are or how good a team you make. if hes not willing to take that step now after 4years-do you think he ever will be?

and what steps is he taking to earn better money to make it possible? if hes not doing anything productive to make a life with you possible then its not that hes not ready for commitment-hes just not willing to commit to you. if he really wanted a future with you specifically-he would do what it takes to make it happen

[Loulou08]

thanks for the reply Michelle! After 4 years together I think that we know each other well enough to know we get on however I take on board everything you say about the commitment! We have spoken and he has admitted himself that he doesn't want to grow up and have these responsibilities. I asked him if he thought this was down to his lack of maturity or his committment to me and he said he would be the same regardless of who he his with. I agree that if he really wanted a future with me he would make it happen just don't know if im strong enough to face up to this and end things tho x

[Wakeup]

just don't know if im strong enough to face up to this and end things tho x

You won't be the only person in the world who has left someone they love due to being not on the same romantic page or other such reasons. You're no spring chicken and if you want to be someones wife, if you want to be with a man who values you and wants to be your LIFEpartner as much as you want to be his, have kids then you're with the wrong BOY.

You're in charge of your own destiny so choose how you direct yourself wisely. Don't stagnate yourself because of your fear. In time, you'll be to the stage of indifference to this man and you'll be glad you made the leap of faith in yourself. You're in romantic limbo which suits him fine. What about your wants and needs?

You're 27, certainly not old but certainly old enough to be strong enough not to place your heart in the hands of someone who is too laxidasical, lazy, immature to care for it.

[Loulou08]

that really was a wake up call, thanks for advice !