dont know what he might be thinking

[Audrey09]

I met this really cute guy at uni and we ended up being in the same group for projects. Our ages are 19 by the way if it makes any difference.He is from the country while im a city girl and he lives in a residential college. He seems to be a very private and shy person as I got to know him.We exchanged numbers but we sort of didn't do anything other than just see each other at class.

The following semester he started messaging me and asking me out to social gatherings, and i ended up meeting up with him for the first time and we ended up having a great chat and a lovely kiss but i sort of freaked out from the kiss as i thought it was a little early and i think he thought he got rejected..but i didnt reject him i just wanted to slow down so i could build a strong relationship such as friendship before so i could have something to fall back onto if things didnt work out..So for the next few weeks we didnt talk i didnt see him around so i contacted him and we started messaging again he seemed to be ok with things. One night i saw him out , that night i was out with a couple of friends and one of them was his friend that i was talking to. He saw me from a distance and as his friend went to the toilets, he came up to me whispering in my ear, 'he isnt good enough for you, he is a prick" while also being drunk then walked away..few weeks pass and i dont end up seeing him and we just stop talking as he doesn't seem to be responding to my messages...so i eventually asked him out for a coffee one nite and he says yes but then something comes up so we dont end up meeting up at all. Now its the holidays and he is back in the country,so we dont really have the luxury to meet up as he is far away.

He only asks how i am doing when he wants to and doesn't seem to respond to my messages and at times he acts really interested in me. So I am really confused, I seem to be having a lot of trouble letting go because i really like him ..we have 3 months until uni starts again and i wont see him at all during that time. I dont know what to do? I tried to hang out with other guys to forget about him but i just don't get the right vibe when i'm with other guys. So the replacing him with some other guy method is not working its making me think more of him as I constantly compare guys to him I really dont know what to do? and ive lost like my happiness completely..help me out guys ..i really dont know what i should do , all i wanna be able to do is like someone again and have some happiness instead of being miserable..

[Primo]

Some guys like to let things progress naturally, as they should Audrey. To be honest, if I can sense a girl isn't opening up or being herself, because it's some sort of a gameplan for success that she has, I will walk away and find someone who's comfortable and confident with themselves.

Sounds like he wasn't into the schedule you set up for how things were going to progress. Not saying you're 'wrong', but some guys don't play that game and will walk away instantly, regardless of what you look like. I'm one of them too.

[davidtorres]

So for the next few weeks we didnt talk i didnt see him around so i contacted him and we started messaging again he seemed to be ok with things. One night i saw him out , that night i was out with a couple of friends and one of them was his friend that i was talking to. He saw me from a distance and as his friend went to the toilets, he came up to me whispering in my ear, 'he isnt good enough for you, he is a prick" while also being drunk then walked away..few weeks pass and i dont end up seeing him and we just stop talking as he doesn't seem to be responding to my messages...

Per your story, I would say that he felt rejected since you didnt explain to him what was on your mind. You have to understand we guys dont analyze. If you want us to understand something then you should tell us what you want and need.

Also, when you said you were talking to this friend. If I was the guy, I would be pissed because i like you then i would walk away from you. That is why he told you 'he isnt good enough for you, he is a prick".

Usually guys back off if you talk to their friends. He would just imagine you kissing his friend and using that lips to kiss him. Any guy would be turned off.

[Audrey09]

I can understand what you are saying however I didn't know that it was his friend until he came up to me and told me so and we were talking about something boring such as subjects so it wasn't even a big deal so I don't understand why he be would turned off.It was such a small conversation with his friend regarding university.

I'm not a fan of the whole playing games thing either so I think I made it really clear that I liked him.Gave him pretty obvious hints and showed that I cared.At some stage I was actually going to go up to him and say" I liked you since the day I met you" however got turned away thinking that It might be a turn off. So its confusing as guys don't seem to like it when you say how you feel about them directly face to face; as I have tried this approach before and it ends up making the guy lose interest in a girl.You guys don't like playing games either..so is there something I'm missing here?

[IndiReloaded]

I don't see any games here. I think Primo is reading too much into your post based on some past experience of his own.

What I read is a girl self-possessed enough to recognize that her emotions were getting high so decided to put the brakes on things a bit. Perfectly reasonable & I wish more young girls were like you.

I also read about a guy who is too rude to answer your attempts at communication. Doesn't sound like you are the problem from where I sit, Audrey. You sound like a smart, quality girl. If he's not smart enough to appreciate this, find someone else who is.

[qwertz]

I can see whats being said as the fact that you said had a lovely kiss then you freaked out..why did you freak out over a kiss? either you like him like that or you dont..

If a guy did that with me i would feel totally rejected if he said he would rather build friendship first..wtf..your either friends or lovers but you cant be both.

For future ref you should just chill out a bit...afterall it wasnt like you were about to jump him..it was a kiss!

[Primo]

i didnt reject him i just wanted to slow down so i could build a strong relationship such as friendship before so i could have something to fall back onto if things didnt work out..

Sorry Indi, but it's a clearly thought out plan. Sometimes those strategies fail and those plans fall through.

She wanted a guy's opinion and in my experience this dude got put off for whatever reason and moved on. Like I said I'm not saying she was 'wrong' in doing what she did, but sometimes when you don't strike while the iron is hot, there's no second chance. Could be the case here or something else may have put him off, she may never know.

Audrey, I have no idea if the guy is worth chasing or not, that's your call, but I'd say it's probably wise to start looking and wondering elsewhere.

Try not to have any gameplans next time either

[IndiReloaded]

I agree with your post, Primo except for the last. People should know what they want going into a situation like this. If that's what you mean by 'gameplan' then I'm all for it. I had one, knew exactly what I wanted, and pretty much got it.

People who plan tend to get what they want more often than those who don't. This is just as true for relationships as other things like careers or other life goals. Floating through life can be fun in your teens and early 20s, but it gets sad when you see these same people in their 30s and beyond in the dating scene w/o a family or decent career.

You are absolutely right about taking opportunities as they present, tho that is also a part of planning--you are able to recognize when you have found something of quality.

[all alone]

Simple, he felt rejected and thus hasn't been wanting to hang around you so much because of it. I cant see the problem in what you said yourself.. its in your own words..

I think I made it really clear that I liked him.Gave him pretty obvious hints and showed that I cared.

Right there tells me that wasn't enough for him. Some guys can read hints properly, the large majority can not. If you have to wonder at all if you made it clear enough or not, that means you did not, and he doesnt understand.

Here is what you do: Take the 3 months to relax. Not being around him will do you some good so you can both chill and let stuff subside for a bit. When you go back to school, go out for a coffee or whatever again. Sit him down and tell him straight up like you said you were thinking (minus since the day i met you, that makes it sound a little over the top =p).

Men need to be told, not guess at hints.. (most of us just arn't that smart!)

[Primo]

you are able to recognize when you have found something of quality.

I think that's key Indi.

We all go into that first date or that first time together with an idea of what we're looking for. But you have to be intuitive, get to know the person that you're with and understand their personality *quickly*. For some it's easy, others unfortunately never acquire that skill.

The real key is to just be yourself. Don't put up any set-in-stone guidelines, boundaries or benchmarks that may cost you an opportunity at someone special. Love can't always be mapped out, though it's good to have one tucked away in your pocket.

[Audrey09]

Thanks for all the posts. It's great to get a guys opinion sometimes. Helps to fill in the blanks in a girls mind.

So just generally speaking is it okay for a girl to make the first move or is it really a put off for you guys? Or is it a matter of the guys personality rather than whats acceptable and what is not? If either side chooses to wait sometimes and doesn't do anything, it can be a bit too late. So its frustrating as it seems to be expected that guys should make the first move..

[qwertz]

If you want to then make the first move..there are no rules and every guy is different...personnally, i dont hang around waiting for a guy to make the move just because 'thats how it is'..ive never been rejected yet..but mainly cause im quite good at reading vibes as to whether hes interested or not in the first place.