is it a date or just friends??

[chicago2raliegh]

what constitues a date and how do you know if a guy is interested in a girl?

scenario...

my girlfriend works with this one guy and they've gotten to know each other and are friendly, which I'm perfectly cool with. However, he now calls her at home and has taken her out for dinner and drinks a few times, meaning he has picked up the check. My girlfriend says I'm over reacting and that he's just a friend. I trust my girl friend, but I don't trust her new friend.

My take is that first off, allowing him to pick up dinner and drinks makes it a date and she's sending him the wrong signals.

Secondly, if you are single... why would you be taking some girl out on a friday or saturday night that's spoken for? From what i hear about their time together, he's not using her as a wingman/entry to meet other women. it sounds like he just focuses his attention on her all night. he supposedly even asked her if its OK to call her last minute on a friday to go out and do something.

It just smells rotten and I say the guy is working the "friends" angle and I'm not the least bit pleased about it.

what do I do? i totally understand there's nothing at all wrong with having friends of the opposite sex and I'm OK with that.... I have female friends, she has other guy friends, but this just sounds too much like this guy is moving in on my g/f.

I just wanted to get some outside impartial thoughts on the subject...

thanks

[bluesummer]

How about you suggest that the three of you go out one night for dinner or drinks or something? If he's such a good 'friend' of hers, he should be eager to meet you, right?

[starter_70]

Dude I feel for you bro, you know by the way your describing it, it does sound like a date to me, but you also gotta do some snooping too. For instance if there going to places together by themselves or are they with some other friends or co-workers. Also what you should do next time is to go taging along with them, if he doesnt mind you taging along then observe the type of relationship they have, you can tell a lot from a conversation, wether there just being goofy or if she's flirting or if he is insinuating something. Also try to confront her about it in a calm place with a low tone. If there is trust she will not get upset about it. Hope this helped.

[jurupa]

I think you need to talk to your girl friend and say this to her. Because she has to know by now what the guy is trying to do. And the fact that she is not stopping him from paying nor is she inviting you along does not look good.

[Gigabitch]

Wow. That sucks that your girlfriend is dating someone else.

Which is worse: that she's lying about it or that she might be too stupid to realize she's dating another guy?

[bluesummer]

Wow. That sucks that your girlfriend is dating someone else.

Oh my God, I choked on my dinner when I read this.

[anachronistic]

I wouldn't break it off. I'd just start seeing another girl and forget about her. What a piece-of-shit girlfriend.

[chicago2raliegh]

thank you all for your replies and support. it means a lot to me. given the feedback thus far, I don't feel like I'm some pyscho nut over reacting jealous boyfriend. I actually pointed my g/f to the post so she could read your replies.

I do want to add a tidbit that concerns me. I did suggest that the 3 of us go to dinner some time like one of the responses suggested, and she dodged the question... god... I don't how many times. but when I finally forced her to answer... her answer was NO! her reason; that I would be grilling him and wanting to see how the two of them interacted! and that I wouldn't be going out to have fun. well, I would be going out to have fun. I wouldn't be grilling him per se, but I certainly would be observing his mannerisms, gestures, and certainly how he interacts with her. It would probably be a good time if everything is on the up and up. but if I can see the "look" and how they are together is fishy and if she's different with me... then I'd just have to walk out and let them be and say **** this shit. And, I think it's well within reasonability for me to ask for this 3some dinner. I know she probably will come back here and read this.... so... for the record, I will say I don't care if she has friends (male or female) and goes out and has a good honest fun time and what not... but certainly there is trouble in paradise if there isn't a 3some dinner setup and in place sometime with this new so called friend. oh, did I also forget to mention that she said he has a girlfriend he lives with? and... isn't it curious that he's taking her out to dinner and his girlfriend is NOT present??? isn't it even more curious the guy has two kids born 7.. thats right SEVEN months apart???!!! ie... one to the ex-wife and one to the live in girl friend.... uumm, excuse me... the guy just told you and openly admitted he's a slimeball and a ****ing cheater (who cheated on a pregnant wife for gods sake) and your out alone with him until 2:30am because why? phew... I debated on writing that last bit, because probably after the g/f reads that she'll probably stop telling me stuff about him. but, I already know more than enough to know I wouldn't trust this guy with my g/f, my mother, my daughter if I had one, or even just a girl "friend" of mine.

Despite all of this, I really don't believe my gf has any interest in sleeping with the guy, but it's amazing that she doesn't even consider the possibility that this guy's intentions are far from honest. If he's not being honest, how can this guy be a real friend? why send the guy the wrong signals? why put yourself at physical risk (ie rape). why piss off the boyfriend that really loves you and risk losing him if you say you love him so much too for a guy that probably isn't even honest from the get go? My advice.. the guy isn't a friend... he's a wolf in a sheepskin. Find a new friend, guy or girl... but someone who is really going to be a friend!!!

Normally my girlfriend thinks I'm very incitefull, and provide good honest advice to problems she has and just to life in general... but on this topic we'll just argue and get no where. again, thank you every one for your support! I feel much better after venting!!!!

I really hope things work out with my girl...

[Taryn]

from reading your first post, i thought your girlfriend was innocently unaware. however, it seems that she may be enjoying his company just a tad too much

if you cant get through to your girlfriend, try having a talk with the guy. don't be overly aggressive, but just let him know that she's your girlfriend, and you dont want anyone else intruding on your space

Hope that helped!

[TDurden]

It sounds like what giga said, either she's an idiot or she's playing you. Either way, something's not right. No girl in a relationship should be frequently staying out late with a guy who acts like he's single without her being open about it with you (her not liking the idea of the three of you going out is a red flag).

Regardless of whether she's ditsy or skanky, this doesn't sound like something that should be left un-checked. That doesn't mean you need to constantly question her about it, but it certainly warrants the occassional conversation and, at the very least, you should meet this guy.

[chicago2raliegh]

I agree, it's not going to go away unless I meet the guy or the guy gives up trying to get in her pants and goes away. It's not something that's sitting well with me. That's why I'm here venting and looking for help and support

I still think my girl friend is innocently unaware and I know she really loves me. I should add that we currently live 900miles apart, although we have been talking about moving to the same city and moving in together; a definite positive sign. I'm in Chicago and she is in Raleigh... hence my nick. so, we unfortunately don't see each other every weekend. so, she thinks my bringing up this red flag is just me not wanting her to go out on the weekends when I'm not around. totally not the case, but that's how she sees it. I would love for her to have a good friend(s) to hang out with when I can't be with her. hell, this way I'm not leaving her all alone (we hang out online every night) when I go out with my friends!

unfortunately, I don't think she has too many friends that she can call up and go hang out with on a regular basis. and this guy is more than eager to call her up and take her out. I think her loneliness and not wanting to stay home alone is clouding her judgement about what she's doing and what's she doing to me. so yes, at this point I still believe she really is innocent and I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. but if I don't get to meet him on the next trip down there.... that's a huge huge red flag, and it probably will be the demise of our relationship. either way... I'll let everyone here know how things work out.

thanks.

[Taryn]

Well, good luck with it all, hope it works out

[hell-knight]

what constitues a date and how do you know if a guy is interested in a girl?

scenario...

my girlfriend works with this one guy and they've gotten to know each other and are friendly, which I'm perfectly cool with. However, he now calls her at home and has taken her out for dinner and drinks a few times, meaning he has picked up the check. My girlfriend says I'm over reacting and that he's just a friend. I trust my girl friend, but I don't trust her new friend.

My take is that first off, allowing him to pick up dinner and drinks makes it a date and she's sending him the wrong signals.

Secondly, if you are single... why would you be taking some girl out on a friday or saturday night that's spoken for? From what i hear about their time together, he's not using her as a wingman/entry to meet other women. it sounds like he just focuses his attention on her all night. he supposedly even asked her if its OK to call her last minute on a friday to go out and do something.

It just smells rotten and I say the guy is working the "friends" angle and I'm not the least bit pleased about it.

what do I do? i totally understand there's nothing at all wrong with having friends of the opposite sex and I'm OK with that.... I have female friends, she has other guy friends, but this just sounds too much like this guy is moving in on my g/f.

I just wanted to get some outside impartial thoughts on the subject...

thanks

I have a lack of long time relationships...but what I learned about girls is that jealousy only brings bad things...if you make her understand your jealous on that guy, your subliminaly telling her "hey i`m insecure, i`m beccoming a wuss and i am afraid to loose you because i don`t know if I could ever find a girl in the rest of my life"...so conclusion...act cool, become friend with that guy, show him and her that you are very cool with the situation, and everything will be fine...if you continue to act like a wuss though...then you have serious chances for your girlfriend to cheat on you...think about it...this is one of the biggest mistakes a man in a relationship could make...acting like a wuss
It`s just an opinion don`t jump on me

[all alone]

wow, this is actually a similar situation to what a couple of my friends are going through right now..

Sounds to me like your girlfriend is trying to maintain independence yet at the same time is a little naive. Not saying that this is 100% for sure the case, just the impression i get.. keep a close eye out..

[GratefulOne]

It depends upon how you act during your time together! Don't let yourself fall into the friend zone... Or use the time to break OUT!