I'm in love with two girls...

[UnicornBear]

Hi,

Let me start by saying sorry for the very long post but I have to get all my feelings out..

I am 29 years old and have been with my girlfriend for 4.5 years in which we have been very happy and very much in love. Around the 4 year mark I had decided to propose to her as I felt no one on the planet could make me happier and more in love. So I bought an engagement ring and was waiting to propose to her after 2 months on our holidays.

About a week after I bought the ring I met a girl in work and we started talking as friends of course. She was also in a 4 year relationship. We talked about nearly everything almost all day every day at work and had 100/100 things in common in absolutely every aspect. After a while, we admitted to each other that we feel a very strong and strange attraction for each other but agreed not to act on it.

One day we went out after work with a large group but I ended up taking her home and that's when it happened.. It was a never before felt, amazing, once in a lifetime connection that ended with kissing and affectionate hugging. We both felt very bad that we cheated on our partners but could not resist each other. We kept meeting in secret at work, just held each other and talked.

I postponed the proposal because I felt it was unfair to my girlfriend until I could clear my head. We went on holiday and I told the other girl that we should not talk for the two weeks I will be away. It didn't last and we text each other 3 days later. When I came back from holiday, I went to see her as soon as I could as I had missed her so much... When we saw each other it was as if time stopped and nothing else existed around us. We ended up spending the full day together and making love.

A month passed in which we kept being on and off because of all the guilt we felt and the unfairness toward everybody involved, but could not resist each other and the feelings we felt. Believe me... I tried.. After this time period she announced to me that she had broken up with her boyfriend, not because she wanted to be with me but because she realized, through what we had, that her relationship had major issues that could not be fixed.

I decided to talk with my girlfriend because all this was very unfair to her. When I mentioned breaking up to her and the feelings I felt for some other girl (I didn't mention anything else), it was like her world turned upside down and she looked at me with a face I will never forget, with all her love and said: "Please don't leave me". At that precise moment I felt such a huge surge of love and protection for her that I realized right there on the spot that I could not possibly live without her! I stopped seeing the other girl for about a week so I could try and clear my head but I missed her so much, she was all I would think about. When I saw her again a week later, all the feelings woke up again and we started seeing each other for the 50th time.

I should also mention that my girlfriend has been away for the last 2 months and will be back in 2 months permanently. I see her only on weekends when she visits. The other girl I see every day at work and some times after work. Every time I see her, go out with her, talk with her, feel her in my arms, I get more and more attached.

The other girl feels terrible for what she is doing to my girlfriend who she doesn't even know and (I believe) for the fact she wants me in her life permanently even though she has not said it in those words. This results in her wanting to break it off every other day. But at some point, we end up calling each other at the exact same time and we'll end up getting together again.

The connection I feel with this girl is unreal. She is, without a doubt in my mind, my soul mate. Absolutely everything she says or does is exactly what I want and the thing is, she doesn't even try. We finish each others sentences, have the same humor, think the same things at the same time and even feel what the other is feeling when we are far away from each other.
But I also feel that my girlfriend is my soul mate because we have been through so much happiness and we are still amazing when we are together. We have even decided to move in together when she comes back after 2 months. When we talk about our plans it makes me so so so happy and I feel like I want to end it with the other girl... Until I see her again...

I feel like a horrible person (which many of you will agree with) and I don't want to go forward like this while I'm so messed up with what I want. I am still very much in love with her and I can't imagine her not being a part of my life for ever.

So let's come to the present.. Last night, we met up again with the other girl, made love and held each other in the most amazing way all night. I have never felt so close to anyone.. I told her I love her and she said it back in the most beautiful way.

It has now been 5 months since this started and I feel like i'm at a dead end. I love both girls and can't imagine my life without either of them but also can't imagine my life going on like this for much longer. I can't sleep for more than 4 hours because I either think and dream of the other girl or I feel terrible for what I am doing to my girlfriend. If you are thinking "You think you love both of them", sorry but I am very much in love with both. I thought it was impossible in the past and have even given advice to friends on similar matters. But unless you live through something like this... You don't know what it's like..

I already know that the answers to my problems from you will be "If you love your girlfriend you will let her go", "If you respect either one of them you will break it off with both", "You don't deserve any of them or they love they give you", "You are the worst type of person". Let me stop you here and inform you that I have already thought on all these points in theory but I still come to this dead end in practice. I have grown to hate myself very much when I am alone with my thoughts on this and very very confused. I'm not this type of person at all...

Maybe I need advice, maybe I just need somewhere to vent my feelings so I can make sense with them, I don't know yet... Maybe you can see something I can't... Either way I thank you in advance for any reply or advice you give me no matter how hateful...

And thank you to those who read through this long post. It means a lot.

[smackie9]

You are in a very sticky situation, and no matter what you decide you could will risk a loss anyways. Right now as it stands with this other girl, you both are not in love but infactuated with each other. The sneaking around just increases the infactuation, fueling the thrill of the forbidden. This is what they call the honeymoon stage. It can last anywhere between 6 months to about a year. You risk of burning out and lose those thunderbolts of feelings....then where will you find yourself....with no one.

As for your GF, you are cheating for a reason. You don't have enough compatability to last for the long haul. Even if you marry her, and forget about the other girl, you will find yourself mackin for someone else once again.

This other girl may never leave her BF or will end up going back to her BF leaving you frustrated.

So it doesn't matter what you do, you risk something. To be fair, you need to breakup with your GF because you will not stop seeing the other girl, or you invite your GF to have an open relationship so there is no guilt.

As for this other girl, why won't she just call it quits with her BF....is she waiting you to make that decision??

[Giggle37]

I've always felt that if you cheat there's a deep rooted reason. If you truly truly love someone completely cheating never crosses your mind not once. You've felt a connection with this new girl for a reason. Whether she is 'your soul mate' or not. If you were really supposed to be with your girlfriend you wouldn't be attracted to someone else. in my opinion, that's the bottom line. You need to take some time alone and seriously think about everything.

[smackie9]

Maybe the reason is that his GF is too co-dependant on the relationship, hence "Please don't leave me" where most, like myself if in the same situation, would say go f uck yourself and set their clothes on fire on the front lawn.

Knowing she won't do that, makes him continue because he doesn't risk losing her. If there was risk, he would make a quicker decision.

[UnicornBear]

First of all thank you both very much for replying, you have helped me just by reading my post even though you don't know me...

The sneaking around just increases the infactuation, fueling the thrill of the forbidden.

I have concidered that it may be the "forbidden" feeling but it's not like that.. We connect on such a different level.. It's not about the physical needs... It's the spiritual and emotional connection that are the strongest.

As for this other girl, why won't she just call it quits with her BF....is she waiting you to make that decision??

Sorry i didn't make it clear.. She broke up with her boyfriend a month ago. They haven't communicated since. When we talked about it, she said she didn't break up with him to be with me, but rather because she realized something was missing in her relationship because of what happened between us.

I do risk losing my girlfriend and I think about that every day.. I don't know how I could exist without her...
I'm normally the most selfless person i know but I've acted so selfish lately it disgusts me...
I've never felt so confused in my life...

[smackie9]

let me tell you about infactuation. It's like an addiction. It's never about the physical, you are emotionally addicted, you are getting high off of this affair, the thrill and exhilaration that you have never felt before. With addiction there is denial, misconception, cheating, stealing and lying and destroying relationships.....guess where you are at? You think it's love but it's not. Emontionally you have hit rock bottom that is why you are confused....the only way to get out of this is to quit. Stop seeing her and get some counseling by a professional.

I have been in your shoes and I know all too well what it's like. It is NOT love. Many years later I look back on it and to this day wondering wtf I was thinking. I felt exactly the way you did......I was an idiot IMO. The things I did to be with this person, and all the other crap that went with it.....was not worth it.