Amazing girl, pushing away! Warning: Long read!

[kajinn]

I have a story that I would like to get some outside advice from people who may have more experience or different points of view. This may be long but I want to include details to help give a better understanding.

Over a month ago I met this girl at my gym, got her number, we started talking and then started hanging out. I am 27 and she is almost 26. Right from the start I could tell there was something different about her. Things were progressing to the point where I made my move and kissed her. This freaked her out. She said she was really attracted to me and could see us dating but she is leaving (for good) in 5 months and since she takes relationships very seriously she cannot afford to let herself get into something that can’t last. I told her I understood but I didn’t let this be a reason for me to give up, I liked her. So I kept hanging out and having fun and things naturally continued to progress, she had a hard time not kissing me despite the mental block she was trying to make.

She went home for Thanksgiving (states away) and had her heart broken/betrayed by someone she was hoping to rekindle things with when she returned (another reason she did not want to get into a relationship). This sent me flying head first into the friend zone. However, I still did not give up. I continued to hang out with her, help her with a huge research paper and have fun with her. The more we hung out, the more we shared about each other and I realized she is EXTREMELY similar to me, and is almost exactly what I am looking for. In one conversation we had, she was telling me things in the exact way I would think about it, so I started to assume she was like me and would just tell her things about herself as if she actually was me. Multiple times I blew her mind “how did you know that? I’ve never told you anything about that.” “(blankly starring) Wow, you are so right.” I was reading her like a book! When she talks to her friends about me they even stated that I was perfect for her (she told me this).

Then one night at dinner we talked about the whole situation. She acknowledged that we have amazing chemistry and have a very strong connection and felt that “If it was meant to happen, it will happen, regardless of if I move away. We may run into each other later in life.” We decided that we were going to keep it as friends for now so we don’t have to go through the pain of separating when she moves, and at the very least we would end up becoming lifelong friends in the end. She also told me that she tends to push people away when she gets close to them or make them mad by something she says or does.

Even as friends, we still had a unique connection (or spark) and there are times when she just can’t help but give in and kiss me. That was, until she started to push me away. I know we are just friends and I’m not attempting to change her mind in that regard (even though I would like it to be more) but since she started to push me away she rarely initiates texting or hanging out, she has become combative in text (I haven’t seen her in person much this past week, but when I have she isn’t hostile), and in general she is becoming less fun. Again, I haven't hung out with her since she started this but we may have dinner tonight after the gym so we will see, this is just in comparison to previous weeks, she has changed.

My dilemma: This girl is amazing; I have never made a connection on this level with another person in my life. We have tons in common and we think and feel the same about most things and it’s like I already know her when we have only just met. I accept that we can only be friends right now, but I’m not about to let her just slip off into the abyss. I sometimes ponder if she could be the one and want to keep our connection alive for these last few months before she moves away to keep the option open of potentially being together at a better time in our lives (this isn’t to say that I am going to save myself for her). We really are perfect for each other the only thing getting in our way is the point in time that we met. How do I handle her pushing me away? Is this some type of test? Thanks for your advice.

[basilandthyme]

No, it's not a test. She simply doesn't want the complication of having ties to someone who she sees no future with.

It's a shame you didn't respect this when she told you how she felt a few months ago. It would have saved all this turmoil you've put on yourself and her.

[kajinn]

No, it's not a test. She simply doesn't want the complication of having ties to someone who she sees no future with.

It's a shame you didn't respect this when she told you how she felt a few months ago. It would have saved all this turmoil you've put on yourself and her.

Hmm, maybe saying that I didn't quit was the wrong way to word it. I did respect what she said and wanted, I never pushed anything or tried to make it more than friends after this boundary was established. When I say I didn't quit, I meant that I didn't toss her aside cuz she just wanted to be friends, I stayed and was her friend. It was our connection and chemistry that made things happen. All I did was continue to be myself. I think the only way to achieve what you are hinting at would have been to completely cut her off and I would rather have her as a great friend than as nothing at all.