I have no idea what to make of this situation.. its really bugging me Please help!

[Paul2852]

I am sorry this is so long but I have never been so confused, and let down before, I have no idea what to do. Id appreciate any advice i can get. I feel I sent my ex the wrong message (making her think I was uninterested when I really felt she didn�t want to talk to me. Now I found out that�s not the case, shes testing me.) But what complicates everything is now theres other crap going on like she is talking to my friend behind my back and it gets even more complicated, and I have no idea what to do.. somebody please help me figure out what is going on its bothering the heck out of me.

A month ago my ex Anna, who I went out with for a few weeks, 3 yrs ago, back in high school, and I started talking after she sent me a message for my birthday, it was a pretty delayed conversation, which was my fault, I have been so busy with my job, working almost every day. i didn�t have time to write her back right away each time, i let a week go by a few times, which may have made me seem uninterested. she sent me a message around thanksgiving and i really regret I never got the chance to read it, because a wk after, last saturday night i saw her at a bar. right away she came up and hugged me, we sat down and talked for a while. i told her i knew she sent me a message and im sorry i still didnt get a chance to read it.. she said its ok she figured im busy.. the conversation went ok, just catching up on things, then i played some beer pong with her, and a mutual friend of ours at the bar, Sara was trying to get with my friend, Noah but he was downtown and needed a ride- which he was calling and asking me for. I left my car at home so Sara offered me hers to get him.. my ex, Anna was convincing me, she said come on it will make a girl happy. I agreed to go, she went with me to get him (barely a 5 min ride) and i now regret i didn�t do anything since we were alone, not even talk about anything serious, just small talk, we just got him and went back.

the night went by so fast, she played pool, so i didn�t talk to her much, i just stayed with her, when it was almost last call i got another drink, and asked her what she wanted, she said shes good, i insisted and she agreed to order a shot but then very suddenly we had to leave because there was a fight.. Me, Ben (my fiend I originally went there with) and her walked down the street, he lives a block away from her so he left us alone and I walked with her for the 100 or so feet to her corner then she just hugged me and said goodnight, and walked away. It all went so fast, I wanted to make a move but didn�t, only had a few seconds alone with her. I was regretting it as I walked away.

when i got home i saw she was online. I then finally read the message she sent me the week before. I had last said to her its been a while since I�ve seen you.. in her reply (which i was now finally reading) she says, yea its been a while, if your up for it lets meet up for coffee sometime.. but if not thats ok" so I say hey but get no reply, eventually she just went offline. i decide to call her the next evening to say it was nice seeing you, i didnt get much of a chance to talk to you and lets meetup sometime..

she was online several times throughout the next day but didn�t im me until later that evening, she just says hey whats up.. about a half hr later i call her, she didnt answer. then 2 mins later she calls back, i had the worst cell service.. shes like who is this- I said hey hows it going shes like oh.. hi Paul, not sounding too excited, i ask her whats up how�ve u been shes like nothing just hanging out at home.. doesnt say anything for a few seconds and im like u there and shes like yea ill have to talk to you later alright im busy with homework.. i was like alright ill talk to you later. She never called me back, and i didnt want to bother her, so i let the whole week go by, no contact from her despite her being online several times while i was.

But now heres the messed up part, that really complicates this whole situation and has me kind of sick:

last night, a week after seeing her, i picked up Ben and Noah, we wanted to go to the bar (i was hoping to see her there again) and Noah just randomly mentions "im talking to Anna right now and she says nobody�s there, she didn�t go and neither did her friends.� Im like your really talking to her? he shows me his phone, I see the text where she said shes not doing anything, its a boring night, what were we doing. he tells her he just met up with ben and me. he said me hell say something to her for me. i said just ask if shes doing anything. hes like i got ya.. later i stop for him to go into a store and i was asking him what she said. he just hands me his phone and said see for yourself.

I went to the top of their entire conversation, which she started when she texted him 3 days before, (like 3-4 days after I had seen her at the bar) "hey its Anna we should do that photo shoot sometime" and hes like yea ill be off work soon.. shes like "ok love ill talk to you" and called him love a few other times, i dont remember all the messages but basically she was saying they should exchange pictures and she says she was thinking of him, these few messages were all over the last 3 or 4 days.

then i read the texts from just last night (what he really intended for me to read- what he said he was sending her to "help me out") and he said to her "yeah idk paul has been acting like a stranger to us he just went home something�s on his mind hes buggin you should talk to him" and she says aww that sucks he probably has a lot on his mind.. i dont have his number why dont you talk to him" and then he said something to the effect "but he wants you" and shes like "not from what I could tell from how he was acting" and "if he really wanted me he would talk to me"

so now i see she really was testing me. but now with my friend talking to her (who btw, did kind of steal a girl i was talking to online a few yrs ago, got her to "go out" with him online then really upset her, she still complains to me what a jerk he was to this day.. I was ok with it since I wasn�t really ever with that girl but I know now in this situation he'd do it to me again, even though he told me he doesnt care for my ex and shes 'just alright but nothing special' and says "you could do much better, but shes really a nice person though�

-- meanwhile he doesnt care for girls feelings, he gets with like 2-3 girls a night and just uses them.. yet they fall for him.. so i feel like crap obviously for not being more assertive but at the time I felt like she was sending me mixed signals, and didn�t want to talk to me, now i see clearly i was the one sending the wrong signals, making her think I wasn�t interested since I was just trying to not bother her. I IMed her last night when I got home really late since she was online, and of course it was all on my mind, and talked to her for barely 20 min, (just small talk) then she said shes sleepy and had to go but shell talk to me later..

my question is what should i do? especially with HER just asking HIM for pictures (not even 3 days after i saw her that night and didnt make any move, obviously disappointing/ confusing her. should i just ask her out for coffee and tell her i want to talk to her? Or just tell her everything how i feel next time i talk to her online?

Or just do nothing, let her get hurt by my friend who is a real jerk to all girls and then see if she wants to come back to me? ( I feel I cant let that happen, that I would be a jerk for letting her get hurt, and should just tell her how I really feel about her)

Now i know she was testing me by not calling me back and giving me the cold shoulder, but with her asking him for pictures idk what my next move should be, please help! I really want her and im so pissed at myself for making it seem like i wasn�t interested when i was really just unsure what to do.. im still so mad at myself i didnt see her message before seeing her that night (I would have known she was interested in me, so I would have been a lot different, I feel I would be with her right now) and sorry this is so long if your even still reading it at this point.. Anyway thanks so much, I really very much appreciate anyone's input! Thank you

[basilandthyme]

Sorry mate, I don't think she's testing you - I think you just missed the boat altogether. She gave you a chance and you blew it by not reading your texts.

As far as your friend who is a jerk to all girls - there's really nothing you can (or should) do. She's responsible for her own decisions and must make her own mistakes.

[sallyjoseph]

It’s the stupid part of our brain choosing to imagine the stuff we don’t want to imagine. I have no idea why it does that but I can assure you there is no meaning behind it. There is nothing wrong. I think you both are meet and clear all the things then your confusion is diffidently cleared.